Road To Success

The Jet Lag Never Ends

2011-10-25T11:21:00.000-04:00

We ﬂew 24 hours to Beijing but did not play the tournament. Our rankings are not at a place where we can get into all of the WTA events. Every WTA event we play is risky because we ﬂy all that way not knowing if we are going to get in or not. It is a big gamble but if you get in and win a round or two it can pay off big time. In the past the doubles cut for Beijing – a 4.5 million dollar tournament – has been around 200. As soon as we got to the facility, a world class facility I might add, I started looking around seeing all the people who flew to Beijing to play. I knew it was not looking good for us. By the time sign in ended the cut was a combined ranking of 123 and we were 5 out of the tournament. Two alternates got in leaving us 3rd out. It was a huge bummer to ﬂy all that way and not get into the tournament.

However, do not fret because we made the best of the trip. It is not often that you go to China so we practiced hard but on our down time we explored the city. I am not quite sure how it all happened but we got hooked up with a driver who did not speak a word of English. We were grunting at each other trying to communicate and get to The Great Wall of China. I am pretty sure there was some drawing done as well.

I had no clue what we were in for. Quite frankly, I did not know anything about The Great Wall of China but I knew that it is something that you have to see if you have the chance. That is an understatement. We were lucky enough to go on a clear day, so the views were stunning. It is kind of like the Pyramids in Egypt, to think that such amazing structures were built so long ago and have been preserved so well. It is amazing. Right now I am reading a book called the China Study and it talks about the average Chinese person living in rural China does more physical activity that the average American. Well, Lindsay and I are both professional athletes and some withering 80-year-old Chinese woman passed us. A picture is worth a thousand words and it is pretty clear that it was a work out!

One of the many beautiful views.

Lindsay almost died on the stairs. This was after we were passed by the old lady!

Our next thing was to conquer the “silk market.” It is a giant six ﬂoor building where you can buy every fake item known to man. Every brand of watch, purse, clothing company, any apple product including the “’Ipad 2.” You name it and they have it. I am surprised they did not have prosthetic legs. Some of the girls at the tournament tried to school us about what to do in order to prepare us for the zoo that is the “silk market.” They told us to cut the initial asking price by 90% and work from there. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can tell you and no book that you can read to prepare you.

The ﬁrst day we went, yes we went two days, I was not prepared at all. From the minute you walk into the building it was sensory overload. There are people everywhere and there is no space to move. The booths were ﬁlled with items stacked on top of each other and women yelling, “Lady lady, you want norse (north) face?” I tried the whole cut the initial price by 90% thing and got shot down immediately. For the rest of the 4 hours I basically had ‘sucker’ written across my head. I saw Kevin get a t-shirt for half the price that I paid for mine. Boy was I angry. When I questioned the woman she said, “Lady, lady your fault, your price.” You don't even want to know what I was thinking but I suppose she was right. It was just ammo for the second trip.

After the t-shirt incident I was done shopping for that day. I was now just helping Lindsay and Kevin shop. We went up to the watch ﬂoor and we were kind of looking at two different stands. Kevin was picking some really ugly watches so I told him he needed to do a little bit better. I think the woman who he was working with thought I was telling him not to buy one from her so she looked at me and said, “Lady, you so mean.” Kevin then walked over to our stand and proceeded to look at more watches. I kind of glanced at the other woman and she was staring me down. “Lady you so stupid,” she said. I could not let that one go so I shot back with, “Oh yea, you too!” Good come back huh? And again she started, “Lady, you so ugly.” What I really wanted to say is, “Yo mamma is ugly!” but I could only muster a pitiful “You too!” They were adding fuel to the ﬁre.

My whole experience in China was like the silk market. From the second we landed people were pushing and shoving to get off the plane. We got picked up from the airport and the trafﬁc was out of control and there is so much noise from the honking. American aggressive drivers don’t stand a chance in China. Communicating was a struggle. Eating was a struggle. Everything was a struggle.

We went to the silk market for the last time the night before we left and I was slightly fed up with being there. It gave me the competitive edge I needed to get good deals because I just didn’t care. You know in movie scenes where there are three people walking down the street getting ready to do something big and it is just them, the road and the music playing? You just get this overwhelming feeling that the people in the movie are going to go kick ass. Well, that was how I felt as we walked into the silk market the second time. I knew prices, I was direct, and not afraid to walk away. I kicked ass in there. I got deals and even had the “lady lady” woman running after me begging me to make a deal (that might be a little exaggeration but it sounds better). If I started playing tennis the way I went in there I would be top 10 now! Maybe another exaggeration but who is counting.

Speaking of tennis, that was the best week of tennis practice. We had two-a-days ,meaning we would practice in the morning, working on things, and then play matches in afternoon, implementing the things that we had worked in the morning. The amount of work that we had put in gave me the conﬁdence going into Japan. I also got to see the Bryan brothers play live, which was an amazing experience. I wish I could just keep them in my pocket so I could watch them play before I walk on court for a match.

We left Beijing exactly a week after we arrived and it was the longest week ever. In fact, I was so excited about leaving that when we got to Japan I was convinced that I wanted to move there. It is so different. The people are nice. The city is clean. And it is quiet. I did not hear one honk while I was there.

We spent the first few days getting the rest that we could not get in Beijing and continuing the two-a-days. It was great. I felt completely ready to go when match day came around. Before the draw came out I knew we were going to play the #1 seeds – Vania King and Yaroslava Shvedova. As soon as the draw came out I just started laughing. I knew it.

This would be the third time that we have played Slava this year but we had never played the two of them together. The two time grand slam winners, fresh off of a grandslam ﬁnal and the #3 doubles team in the world. While I was nervous, I was not as nervous as I was when we played Slava and Sonia Mirza in DC. I was ﬁred up and ready to take it to them.

Going into the match we had a solid game plan and I felt great going into the match. In fact, I thought we were going to win the match. It turns out that feeling was wrong. The ﬁrst set looked like it was going to be a blow out but at 2-5 down something came over us. We got hungry. We started to make the balls that we were previously missing. The balls that had been coming back stopped coming back. We got it to 5-5. I was serving and it was 40-0. My palms were sweating and my heart felt like it was coming up through my throat. I served, Lindsay missed a tough volley. I serve again and the same thing happens. At that point I was not even sure if I was still breathing. At 40-30 I serve to Slava and it was supposed to be a serve and volley but I may have still been behind the baseline when the ball went passed me. Deuce, deciding point, receiver’s choice. Now, it is a little bit of a blur but all I remember is hitting a really bad volley from no man’s land and Vania putting the volley away.

We were at a WTA event, which means Kevin can coach. He had already come on court for the ﬁrst set and was trying to come out on the change over in between the first and second set. Logically, it makes sense that him coming on court would count for the second set coaching but the rule states otherwise. That was our rookie mistake. There was all of this commotion going on, Kevin was on court when he shouldn't be, the umpire was looking a little lost, and you can just imagine our opponent’s reaction.

Needless to say, things got a little heated after that. We got up to a quick 2-0 lead. My come-ons got a little louder, a little more intense and the crowd was loving every second of it. They were feeding off of Lindsay and me. For the 2-1 change over I walked straight up to the umpire, looked at him, then Slava and then Vania and asked if it was alright if my coach comes on court. That must have been the last bit of China getting out of me! That did not go over so well :) I am pretty sure I heard a, “So annoying” out of one of them.

The second set was just as tight as the ﬁrst. We lost it 6-4 but it was a battle. If you look up competition in the dictionary it will replay that match. Matches like that are a pleasure to play. You leave it all out there. I can’t be mad about the loss, however, it doesn’t make it any easier to lose. After the loss we decided to divert our focus to Kevin’s new wardrobe before we left for Moscow.

Lindsay made a new friend at Lacoste

Moscow was a short trip. I got there on Sunday and was on a plane back home on Tuesday. There isn’t much to say about the match except for the fact that it was horrible. I was more nervous about playing this match than playing the #3 team in the world. I expected to win that match in Japan but was not sure about the one in Moscow. Japan was like that dream draw I was referring to at the beginning of the blog. It was a big tournament where you can win a round and the risk pays off. What a great opportunity that was but it didn’t go my way.

This game is ﬁlled with so many highs and lows. Sometimes those moments are only separated by days or even hours. One thing that is for sure is that in a week and a half I am going to get another opportunity to do better. I am not going to beat myself up and I am just going to enjoy the time that I have at home.

This has been both a crazy and long season. Only two more tournaments before I call it quits for this year. Dallas is next and then I’m off to Phoenix so please wish me luck! Until next time....

Meditation=happiness

2011-10-07T04:21:00.002-04:00

About a week ago my sister told me I had something like performance anxiety. My
response was, “Something like?” I am pretty sure I have plain ol’ performance anxiety.
As soon as I got home Courtney promptly explained to me that she does not like it when
I am the #1 seed. She said she prefers me to be the last one in the tournament! I think
they were both trying to get at the same thing.

Last week Lindsay and I played in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A whole host of things
were going on. The Sunday before the tournament started I had reached my career
high ranking of 95. We won the tournament last year so I knew that I had 110 points to
defend, otherwise my ranking would drop. I also had 70 more points that were going to
drop off from a win we had in Vegas last year too. Needless to say, I was feeling a little
bit of pressure, which was only increased by us being the #1seed in the tournament.

In my mind, we barely squeaked through what should have been a relatively easy first
match only to face Ahsha Rolle and Mcall Harkins in the second round. Actually, given
the way my mind was working, I thought I played quite well :) No one was broken in the
first set, taking it to a tie breaker. I double faulted once in the breaker giving them the
mini break and the chance to take the set. Determined not to let that get the best of us,
Lindsay and I battled back managing to get one break in the second set and close it
out, taking us to the notorious third set breaker. It is kind of like a coin toss. Ahsha was
serving at least 2 aces a game so we knew there was no room for any lapses on Mcall’s
serve or ours. Despite a few big points in our favor, they managed to take the match
from us. I wasn’t too crushed after the match. Ahsha played an incredible match and I
was not in the right frame of mind in order to do well.

It really all started the week before. We were going to beautiful Quebec to play a WTA event
and we were supposed to leave on 9/11, the 10th “anniversary” of the attacks against
our country. There was media hype that there were terrorist plots to do something on
the 10th anniversary. Kevin just had his teeth worked on and he looked like Quagmire
from the family guy because his cheek was so swollen. He was heavily medicated,
which I hope influenced what I think was his crazy idea to drive 13 hours to Quebec in
order to avoid being on a plane that was going to be brought down. I told Natasha his
concerns and she said he was crazy. Then I called my mom to tell her how crazy he
was being and she shocked me with, “God gave us intuition for us to avoid things like
this. Do NOT fly tomorrow.” As I am sure you all have gathered from reading my blog -
I never question my tiger mom. We were set to leave at 7:00am. I drove the entire way
because I thought there was a higher chance of him crashing the car on those meds
then if we flew.

The view from the hotel. Gorgeous.

We were both exhausted when we got there. I needed a good meditation in order to
get me through the day. I put my earphones in, only to find that the specific meditation
I had been doing for the past 3 months was not on my phone any more. After a slight
panic I did a visualization meditation. I am not sure how much I have talked about this
but since college, meditation has been part of my daily ritual. When I am not meditating
I see a clear difference. My mind wanders and I believe all of the craziness it tells me.

My mom gave me a new meditation that I have been doing since Wimbledon and I
felt vulnerable without it. I had a reserve of confidence that I had built throughout the
summer and that is what got me through the first two matches in Quebec.

In the semi finals we played Anna Tatishville and Jamie Hampton. I had never played
Jamie before but I knew she was really talented. This is how it works with me - if I play
someone who I have never played before and I think they are better than me I usually
lose. I need to prove to myself that I am better than they are. It makes no sense at all
but until it changes I have to accept it. It was my first time being in the semis of a WTA
– I don’t count Bogota because we got a bye in the second round. I was nervous and
did not have my shield. I was vulnerable and was not able to push through this moment.

I have been on the tour and writing this blog for 3 years. It may seem like I write about
the same problems, demons, and fears. Well, that is true. I am writing about the same
exact thing. It is just that the highs and lows on the emotional roller coaster are not so
far away from each other. I am slowly closing in on getting a handle on not giving into
my fears in a match. I am getting better at accessing my greatness even though I am
so nervous and I can barely see straight. I am playing at a much higher level with much
better women. If I had not cleaned up my act I would not be able to compete. If I want
to reach my potential it has to get even better.

This summer was amazing. I got to play in my first grand slam. All I can say is I want
more. I got through my WTA jitters and realized it is just another tournament. I won a
tournament with Ahsa Rolle and was lucky that I got to share the victory with Courtney,
my sister Natalie, who has not seen me play in years, and my aunt Shirley, who could
barely watch more than three games of each match. I got my normal August shock
when I realized that if I want to get into the US OPEN I need to do it on my own. No
hand outs for me. Last year I said 2011would be the year that I did it on my own but
seriously, it will be 2012.

We have the most exciting fall. Right now I am on a million hour journey to Beijing,
China, to play a WTA event. I am so excited about seeing the Great Wall of China.
You better believe I will have some pictures for you on the next blog. Then we are off
to Osaka, Japan and finally, Moscow, Russia. I am looking forward to playing some
killer tennis and adding to my photo archive. Please, please wish me the best of luck
because I need it! Until next time...

Thank God for Tiger Moms

2011-08-02T12:59:00.000-04:00

I ended the last blog by telling you that I was playing a 50K in Waterloo, Canada. What I did not tell is that after I got back from Wimbledon I did not pick up a racquet for a week. I had a partner all lined up for Waterloo but it fell through at the last moment. To be honest, I was not sure if I was going to play the tournament because I could not find a partner and I was dead tired and did not feel like playing at all. The only reason that I was excited about playing the tournament was because I knew I would be able to see my mom, two of my sisters and my niece if I flew into Detroit. I called my mom, explained the situation and asked her what I should do. Of course she said that I need to get my behind on a plane and go play my tournament with any partner I can play with.

Waterloo is very close to Michigan where my mom lives. I flew into Detroit on Sunday knowing I was NOT going to go to Canada. Monday was July 4th so my mom was not working and at 10:00am she asked, “When are you leaving?” I said “Mom, I am not going.” My aunt quickly backed me up telling my mom that I needed a rest and I wanted to spend some time with my family. My mother shot us both down immediately telling us that I needed to stay focused on my career and not get distracted by anything including hanging out with my mother. My aunt called my mother a tiger mom and I got on the phone immediately to find a partner. Mind you I only had 2 hours to find a partner. I called the tournament director and he found me a great partner - Eugenie Bouchard, the 2011 Junior Wimbledon Doubles Champion. Not too shabby huh??? I hung out with the family as long as possible and then got on the road only to arrive in Waterloo at 10:30pm.

She may not look like a tiger mom but trust me she is!

After a 30 minute warm-up on Tuesday I was ready to go. I had not even met my partner until 30 minutes before the match. I think it was our great chemistry on the court that got us through our first match. We won our match 10-7 in a third set tie breaker. After that match I think it just got better and better, however, we ended up losing to Asia Muhammad and Alexandra Mueller in the finals in a third set tie breaker. Genie played awesome the whole week and it was really fun to play with her. She is the perfect person for me to play with. She hits the snot out of the ball and sets me up.   It was really a pleasure to play with her.

For me, tennis was the least important part of that trip. I really did not play that well. I was not striking the ball and going after it the way I had been in England or the weeks leading up to it but thanks to my tiger mom I went and got the job done. There was no Kevin, there was no Lindsay, it was just me figuring it out by myself. I was not in a glamorous hotel in High Kensington. Instead, I was in a college dorm sharing a bathroom with someone I didn’t know. Even though I did not play very well, that week gave me a lot of confidence. In spite of the fact that I was playing with someone new, not playing very well and fighting to mentally stay there, Genie and I figured out a way to get the job done. That proved to me that I had a lot left in my tank.

Asia Muhammad was flying out of Detroit the next day so she ended up driving in the car with me back to Michigan. Yes, she did just beat me and then we had to spend 4 hours in a car together searching for topics to talk about in order to not make the trip so awkward. We ended up singing and being goofy the whole way to my mother’s house so the trip flew by. I woke up early and took Asia to the airport and then went back to my mom’s house for a few hours to say hi to my sisters and niece and then left on a 2:00pm flight back to Virginia! Phewww. It was a lot of time in the car.

Anyway, I had a week to catch up with being home, relaxing and lots and lots of practice before I was off to Lexington, Kentucky, which was only a 6 and a half hour drive from my house. It was nice not to have to get on a plane for once.
I stayed in housing last year so I thought it would be a great idea to stay in housing this year too. Everyone I have met in Lexington is beyond friendly and our host family, the Famers, fit that mold perfectly. It is always a gamble getting housing with Kevin because the only child needs his space but it worked out perfectly.

It was HOT beyond belief there. We could not even practice outside for more than 45 minutes. Lindsay lost a tough singles match on Tuesday in the middle of the day. By Thursday afternoon, when we played our second match, that singles match took a toll on Lindsay. She was throwing up during our warm-up and everything had to be cut short.
I was not sure how the match was going to go. We got through the first set in a tie breaker but quickly lost the second set 6-1. I thought Lindsay was going to pass out but she somehow managed to keep it together for the tie breaker. We won the third set breaker 10-6.
Let me back up for a second. Our first match was a night match against two girls who played for University of Kentucky. It was around 10:30pm when we went on so there were not very many people there. However, it was a rowdy college crowd that was cheering against us. They were calling me a beast and telling me that I was on steroids. I am used to the craziness although they took it to a new level. Lindsay, however, looked like she wanted to jump every one of them. The sweetest revenge was when we beat the girls handily.

Anyway, our first match really was not much of a challenge but the next match we really did not play that well. My return was off and has been off for months but it really broke down after Waterloo. It was hot, Lindsay damn near died and we were dealing with the let down after Wimbledon. We were simply trying to get by each match. So the mentality that we had worked so hard on during our 10 week trip was gone.

After the second match none of this was really addressed. I just knew I had to hit out on my return and correct my energy because it was poor. My serves and volleys were fine. We got through the third match only because the girl from Taipei had a flight she had to catch. When we walked off the court all hell broke loose. Heath, Lindsay’s husband, was mad because he did not think we were committed and Kevin thought my energy was all wrong. In our post match talk things got really intense and heated, which is bound to happen when you are dealing with different personalities. Everyone was saying the same thing even though we didn’t realize it. I think the heat, excitement and elevated expectation after Wimbledon got everyone a little CRRRRRAZY.

I was not sure how Saturday’s final was going to go so I needed a little rest and relaxation. What could be more relaxing than going and enjoying the beautiful horse country of Kentucky. Mr. Farmer took me to Gainsville farm where I got a tour of the facility, learned all about the breeding process and got to see the most expensive breeding horse there is in the world. If you ever have the chance then you have to get out there. It is pretty cool.

Tapit-the most expensive breeding horse in the world.

Now, back to tennis. We had an inspirational Kevin speech. It was one of those that his bottom lip turns upside down and his eyes fill with water. It was enough to get both of our heads out of our butts. The sun was no longer a factor, our personalities were no longer issues, my PMS miraculously took a back seat and we were back to business.

On paper we were supposed to win but the other team played very well to beat us 10-7 in the third set. We played passionate and gutsy tennis. The crowd was into it, we were into it, we played like a team and laid it on the line. You cannot be upset about a loss like that.

Kentucky was the start to a 4 week trip and our next stop was College Park, Maryland for a WTA. You know, I am not sure I am convinced that playing at home is a great thing. For me, the tournament ended Thursday night and after I hit the last ball I was toast.

It is not the same as when I played in college and people got to see me play once a week. I was used to having a crowd at my matches in college. People just expected me to run around a court like a crazy person and pump my fist. I guess I am still doing the same thing but I felt an immense amount of pressure to play well since all of my close family and friends were there.

In the first match the energy was great. We were playing flawless tennis the first set and crushed our opponents 6-2. During the second set things took a turn for the worse. Welcome to Tightville! I think at 4-4 I hit a volley that barely made it to the net, another volley that hit the fence and a forehand that my arm got stuck half way through the shot and the ball dribbled to the net. Linds got a little nervous too but after that horrible 4-4 game and going down 5-6, we went back to flawless tennis. We just needed a moment to ourselves :) After a quick tie breaker we were off to the next round to face the #1 seeds.

Sania Mirza and Yaroslava Shedova have a combined ranking of 19 in the world. A grand slam doubles finalist and a two time grand slam winner. I would say that the #1 seeds were a world class doubles team. The morning before the match I spent an hour hitting returns to fix my flawed technique but it was not enough to deal with Slava’s booming serves. We did our usual I formations, crossing and me jumping around like a bat out of hell and every time we made a slamming move it was backed up by 45 people screaming and hollering for us. However, the hometown crowd was not enough to win the match. We put up a great fight posing a 6-3, 6-4 loss. We were up 3-1 in the second set and had many deuce points, only one of which went our way. They obviously have a lot more experience but what won the match was the fact that they are consistent with their serves and returns. They were not more aggressive than us but they played high percentage tennis. The great thing is that I know exactly what I need to do to make it to that level. Now I just have to do it. No pressure right???

I have one more day at “home,” really I am in Maryland, before I go to Vancouver. I am trying to relax and get some great practice in before I leave. Natasha, my sister, and Shirley, my aunt, have convinced me that I need a twitter account. I am not sure how I feel about it but I will try it out. My next update might come as a tweet at http://twitter.com/moultonlevy. Stay tuned. Until next time...

Ready. Set. Gone for 77 Days...

2011-07-06T22:48:00.002-04:00

On the 8th of April I left the states and I did not return until the 25th of June. In those 11 weeks I went from Johannesburg, South Africa to Fez, Morocco, to Estoril, Portugal to Barcelona, Spain to Nice, France to Prague, Czech Republic to Brussels, Belgium to Paris, France to Nottingham, England to Birmingham, England to London, England. In 11 weeks I played 9 tournaments and only got passed the first round of 3 of them. Needless to say, this trip was a huge mental test. Not only was it the longest trip that I have ever been on but also because we did not do as well as I thought we were going to do.

I knew that I was going to be tested over the course of the trip so I made a goal before I even left the country. I tend to get really excited about wins and go into a mini state of depression after losses. So my goal was to try and meet in the middle and just roll with the punches. Don’t put too much pressure on myself. Good thing I made this commitment to myself because I do not think I would have been able to make it through the trip.

Like I said, I started at a 100K in Jo’burg. It is always nice to go back to a place that I am familiar with. I know the hotel, good places to eat, I know my way around the club. It makes life a little easier. Too bad that did not transfer to a win! I played with Kathrin Woerle. We have played together in the past (much better than we played this time) but at least I got to see some more lions and tigers  After my quick trip to a lion park I was off to Morocco.

I was so excited to get to Fez because it was a WTA and I was going to get to practice and play with Linds. It was back to my partner and we thought we were going to pick up right where we left off in Bogota. We did not start until Tuesday so that gave us plenty of time to practice and get ready. After Jo’burg I knew exactly what I needed to do so the two-a-day practices were great to get me prepared. I felt very well prepared going into the match. Too bad we were playing on clay against serious clay courters. There was no amount of practice that was going to get us ready for that.

We had to completely change our game to play on clay. I was not getting far enough after my serve, our plays were not putting anyone in trouble the way that it does on hard court because the clay slows the ball down a ton. When things don’t go our way we have a tendency to just freeze and get flat because we don’t know what to do. That is exactly what happened in this match. So we had to fix our energy and design new plays for the clay...

This is how she managed to not puke

Sticking to my goal of not getting too down after 2 first round losses, I decided to go to the Old City (Medina) for some cultural enrichment. Linds, Ahsha, Mashona, Ahsha’s dad and I all went on a tour of the Medina. It was an interesting experience. We went to the leather Tannery and got to see how they dye the leathers different colors and we got to take a smell of the animal poop. Lindsay has a weak stomach but somehow she managed not to puke. I am the only one who dared to try the street food and boy did I pay for it later! WOW. I lost quite a bit of weight that trip but the food was worth it.

Estoril, Portugal was our next destination. We got there and all of our bags were missing and did not make it to us until the Sunday before the tournament started. Thankfully our bags arrived then because Lindsay and I did not get into the tournament in Portugal. I had to find another partner to play a different WTA tournament in Barcelona. I could not play with Lindsay because she was in the middle of a singles match during sign-in. Kevin and I went back to the hotel grabbed our bags and caught an 8:00pm flight to Barcelona. I played with Liga Dekmeijere, which was good because we had already decided that we were going to play in Brussels. This gave us some time to get used to playing with each other.

What was not good is that the plays that Lindsay and I had been working on had to go out of the window because Liga and I were a different team with different strengths and weakness and we did not have time to figure out what we needed to do. We played on Wednesday and lost 6-1 6-3. It was a REALLY REALLY bad match. When you play that badly the only thing you can control is your energy which I did very well. I had some great tapas but it was time to move on to France.

Look me smiling after I almost died!

The next tournament was a 100K in Cagnes sur Mer, France. It is in the coast of southern France, a few Kilometers west of Nice. We got there well before the tournament started. Just as Kevin and I had last year when we were in Marseille, we thought it would be a good idea to rent scooters again!!! One day we practiced really early and then went to rent them. We rode for 12 hours straight from Cagnes Sur Mer all the way to the border of Italy. Initially, Lindsay had her own scooter but then after about 5 minutes she returned hers because we would have all died trying to make sure she kept up with us. I had a near death experience when Kevin braked just before a cross walk. I saw him at the last second, slammed on my brakes and the next thing I knew I was laying in the middle of the crosswalk with stars in my eyes, a sore elbow and French people asking me “Ca va?” I looked down to see if my limbs were attached, told them I was okay and then took my scooter from the kind man who had picked it up and I was on my merry way! That was the beginning of the trip. The rest went relatively smoothly until we filled Kevin’s scooter with diesel fuel and had to turn his scooter over to get the gas out of it!!!!!! Hahaha but it was a good day.

The next morning I had to leave because I had a contract to play French club matches on the weekends during the month of June. Every weekend I had to fly or take a train to either La Roche Sur Yon or Paris. It is kind of like what I did a year and a half ago when I was in France for the whole month of November and December. This time I played tournaments during the weeks in between.

When I got back from La Roche Sur Yon it was show time. Lindsay had hurt her wrist during the weekend and was not sure if she was going to play but she toughed it out in the end. We played on Tuesday and lost to the 2nd seeds 6-4, 7-5. This was my fourth first round lost and it was starting to take a toll. I was starting to pout. We started to see improvements on the things we needed to work on but both of us were playing without confidence. Every shot had a question mark on the end of it.

I took the next day off and then went back to work after that. There was no time to let the losses get to us. For the next two days we spent 3 hours perfecting the nets plays and other things we needed to work on. We were limited as to what we could do with Linds because of her wrist so we just had her on court catching balls with her left hand at net! We made so much progress those two days. It all paid off when we got to Prague.

I went to Paris to play a club match and met Lindsay and Kevin in Prague. Lindsay decided not to play singles because of her wrist so when I got back we had another couple great doubles practices the days before we played.

Confidence was obviously really shaky, however, we managed to scrap out a win. It was all of that hard work we had done in the days leading up to the tournament. Our energy was a hell of a lot better but the play still needed to be perfected.

We played twin sisters in the next match and won in a third set breaker. I do not think we could tell them apart in the second set and that is why we lost it.

The second seeds were next - Magdalena Rybarikova who is ranked 71 in singles and 63 in doubles and Klara Zakopalova who is ranked 36 in singles and 61 in doubles. These are some serious players. If I remember correctly we got off to a big lead in the first set and then Lindsay hit a shot and seriously messed up her wrist. Somehow we managed to win the first and called the trainer on the set break. It was bad. It was swelling before my eyes. The trainer gave her something that was supposed to help the pain but she could barely grip her racquet. The second set was bad. Lindsay could barley play because she was in so much pain and the other team did not let up. I told her to stop but she was not having it! We lost the second 1-6. By the grace of God the pain killers started to kick in and she came alive. I was a little shell shocked because I did not know what the hell was going on but Lindsay took control. She was doing things she had never done before - closing, pouching, fist pumping. I had no choice but to join her! Even with match points against us, we pulled out a 12-10 victory. We were in the finals!

For the finals we played on Saturday and I had to be in La Roche Sur Yon to play a club match at 9:00am Sunday morning. We were scheduled to play 4th after 10 or 11. There was a singles match, exhibition, another singles match (one of the girls in that match was also in the finals for doubles) and then after suitable rest we would play. I had a 6:00pm flight. I was either going to make that flight or Lindsay and I were going to have to rent a car and drive all night through Switzerland to get to there! I thought I could compartmentalize the match and trying to make it to France but I really sucked at doing it and sucked in the match. I stressed all day about it and when the match got there I was not ready to play even though I told myself I was. Obviously we lost and it was ugly - 6-2, 6-1. We tried but there was nothing that was going to help us.

I changed my clothes, got my money and then the driver took both Lindsay and I to the airport. She was leaving in the morning to go play in the French qualies. I left that night, flew into the Paris airport where two people from the club were waiting for me to drive me to La Roche Sur Yon. We got in at 3:00am. I slept for four hours and then played my club match. The only thing that got me through all of that and my lack of sleep was the fact that Courtney was there. She arrived on Sunday just in time to take the train with me to Brussels.

We arrived in Brussels, went to sleep, had a quick practice the next day and then it was show time. I was playing with Liga again. We did not have much luck the last match we played and this match started off just as bad, if not worse. Neither of us could make a return in the first set but we turned it around in the second and won the set 7-5. Third set tie breakers can go either way and this one did not go our way.

Manneken Pis with a Waffle (not the real one)

5 first round losses, 1 final. I figure I can still hold my head high. With almost 2 weeks until my next tournament I took a few days off and just enjoyed Brussels with Courtney before I had to go to Paris for my next club match. What a great city! If you ever have the chance you should visit. Chocolate and Belgian waffles are truly amazing.

After the club match Lindsay, Kevin and I took the chunnel from Paris to London and then took a train to Nottingham in order to practice on the grass before our grass court tournaments.

The whole week of practice was horrible. 1.) We could only hit on turf courts that were an hour away. 2.) We had to rent a car. I was the one driving stick on the wrong side of the road and Kevin and Lindsay thought it was a good idea to make fun of me even though their lives were in my hands! I did almost blow up the car since it had been awhile since I had driven stick.

The third reason why it was bad was because both Lindsay and I were flat. Courtney had just left, Lindsay’s husband and kids had just left and now we were stuck with Kevin. This did not seem like a fair trade. We were all tired and wanting the trip to come to an end. Kevin lit into us two days in a row saying that we needed to get our stuff together. It was not until we lost 2nd round at a 75k in Nottingham that we got it. We won our first match but it was not anything to write home about. During the second match we both played like horse poop. It was so bad that I don’t even know where to begin. After the match Kevin said we were going to do things a little different.

That was the worst match I have played in over a year. There was nothing. No fire. No nothing. It is rare that I don’t get up for a match even if I am not playing well. That loss was hard for me to deal with because I did not control the controllables.

After that match, we had to report what our mental, emotional and physical levels were on a scale of 1-10 after every practice in hopes of narrowing in on our ability to find the optimal energy level before every practice and match.

We played a WTA in Birmingham the next week and made significant improvements on managing our energy levels but it was not enough. I was playing without confidence. I was hitting balls with questions marks, not attacking serves and returns, and playing scared. I cannot win at this level playing like that. Another first round loss and we were off to London to play the qualies of Wimbledon. I told you I would be tested.

Goofballs at practice!

It was back to the drawing board. I hit tons and tons of serves and returns before our match. We played one of the girls we played in Birmingham and I decided that I would not lose to her again - Arantxa Rus (she beat Clisters at the French). Earlier that day Lindsay played Arantxa in singles and my God was it the highest level of tennis ever. There was intent and focus on every ball that was hit. Lindsay was playing some ball and beat her in a nail biting three setter.

Halfway through Lindsay’s singles match Natasha arrived fresh off the plane from America. Just like the old days, she was there by my side. Lindsay was playing like a beast, Tash was there, and I heard “Go Tribe” as Lindsay and I walked out to play. I knew it was a done deal. In a pretty routine match we won 6-3, 6-3. My serves and returns were not great so I had a lot more work to do before the next match.

After two nerve-filled days of waiting, rain, and waiting some more, we played our last round of qualies on Saturday. Although I do not like admitting it to myself, I was so nervous.

It was a match of a lifetime. We played two Russians who hit the ball harder than I have ever seen in my life. They hit so hard that they froze me because I was so scared of getting hit by them. When has that ever happened? I did not volley well at ALL.

Anyway, if I remember we were up 5-2 in the first set and then I just froze. I had about 20 opportunities to close out volleys and I missed them all. We went to a tie breaker and got up in the tie breaker and then I started to play like a child again. We lost the first set 8-6 in the breaker. On a side note, Lindsay played unreal the whole match. On the set break I was furious with my performance. I was so angry. I went out in the first game and just whacked every return as hard as I could, knocked them off balance and set the tone for the rest of the set. I still was volleying like poop but I never got broken and my returns were decent. Lindsay was volleying up a storm.

On the last point of the first game of the third set one of the girls hit a lob. I ran back to get it at full speed, tripped banged my leg against the tarp and was down for the count. I thought I had broken my leg. I had to call the trainer but it took her about a year to get out there. Of course I’m exaggerating but by the time she did I realized I could play fine, however, I was a little uncertain about my movement.

We were down 1-4 but we kept fighting. A few bear screams and fist pumps later I was serving at 5-6. I had not been broken the whole match. So, of course my messed up brain was thinking, “It’s going to happen now.” I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out. But obviously they stayed there. We were down 15-40, double match point against us. I stepped up to the line, sweating profusely and hit an ace out wide. I have never done that in my life. It is 30-40, I hit a huge body backhand serve and the girl misses it long. I knew it was over. We held my serve and then broke the younger girl.

Now Lindsay is serving at 7-6. I was so nervous because again, my mind is playing tricks on me. Lindsay hit an ace out wide. Phewww. That is all I thought. At 15-0 she hit a serve, the girl hit it to me, I was on my heels and I missed it. I was not happy. 15-15 and Lindsay hit another ace. I mean who does that?! She hit one more and another serve that the girl barely got back so I put it away. Game, Set, Match. Thank you very much! MAIN DRAW WIMBLEDON!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday I went to the main site to get my leg checked out. I cannot even believe my eyes. I NEVER take pictures of any stars but I was so shocked that I was in the main draw of Wimbledon that I whipped out my phone and started taking pictures of Nadal and Federer. I had to stop myself and say, “What are you doing woman??? Put that phone down!!!” After that momentary lapse of giddy excitement, I was ready to play.

We got a great draw. We were supposed to Magdalena Rybarikova and Alexandra Dulgheru. I am not saying that I can predict the future but I was very confident in our chances. It was too bad that Rybarikova got injured and we had to play the Lucky Losers – a team who lost in the last round of qualies who get to play if someone has to pull out.

We played the two girls who we lost to in the second round of Nottingham, which was the worst match that I have played in over a year. Yeah, that one. I tried to tell myself that it did not matter but deep down I knew it would be a tough match for us. It was not a good match up.

With rain delays and trying to see if Rybarikova would be able to play we did not actually play until Thursday. The day we played I was naturally a little edgy. I fought it big time and tried to focus on executing my game and energy level. They called us for our match right outside of the locker room. I was so nervous but I did not want to admit it so I did not say anything to anyone.

Linds and I went out to play. We were escorted by security guards through the sea of people. We got to the court well before our opponents. It seemed like an eternity before they arrived. There were tons of people watching and I was feeling terribly self- conscious and not good enough to be out there. The nerves were messing with my head. We went out to warm up and I did not make ONE ball in the court. Not a single one. I shanked everything everywhere. I kept trying to tell myself, “You are fine. Don’t worry.” Before one point was played it started to rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had never been happier.

This was pre rain delay took how tense I was....

We jogged back to the locker room and I took out my phone and I had an email from Courtney and Natasha. Natasha was there and saw that I was an absolute zoo out there and Courtney knows me well enough to know I was pooping in my pants. Without their help and the constant emails during the rain delay the match would have been a complete disaster.

When we went back out to court I had a completely different attitude. What is the worse that could happen? I lose. I felt so much better going out the second time. I was not so uptight in the warm up. I was loose and ready to go. We lost 6-3, 6-2 but played a hell of a lot better than the last time. I was swinging on my returns, hitting my serves, going after my volleys and did not let my nerves get the best of me. There could not be a better time to have that happen. We may not have won the match but I won a major battle against myself. I realized I do have control.

Post rain delay:)

It is so hard to sum up the experience of Wimbledon. It was really special to know that even after all the hardships of the trip that Lindsay and I were able to keep plugging away and working hard. It paid off. We accomplished our goal of making it into Wimbledon. The entire trip was a learning experience. If we had not kept it together we would have never made it there in the first place. I barely thought I would make it through 6 weeks, let alone 11 weeks and finishing at Wimbledon. This is a story book beginning. I got a taste of something I really loved and a much better understanding of how to get to that level and a burning desire to get back there. Watch out!!!!

There is no time to rest. I am in Waterloo, Canada playing a 50K. I won my match yesterday. I am playing with the Junior Wimbledon Double Champion, Eugenie Bouchard. She packs quite a punch! I will let you know how tomorrow goes.

Thank you so much for everyone who was following Lindsay and I online at Wimbledon. We truly felt your support. Until next time...

Better Late Than Never....

2011-03-09T17:17:00.000-05:00

The new year started off with a trip to Florida that was over before I knew it. We flew to Lutz to play a 25K on a Monday morning. Shortly thereafter we were on a plane back to Virginia. I played with Courtney Nagle. We were hoping to get some revenge after Japan, but ended up falling short with another first round loss. Like the loss in Dubai, it was a third set breaker but there was one glaring difference. In Dubai, at the beginning of the third set, I was already dejected - head down and shoulders slumped. Fast forward to Lutz - I was jumping around looking like a boxer. This is something that we talked about a lot over the Christmas break. So many of these matches go to a third set tie breaker. Because it is a completely neutral situation, you can tilt the advantage in your favor if you shift the way you approach it. Easier said than done but it is something to work towards.

When we got back to Virginia we had two weeks to get ready for our big trip. I knew Lindsay was toughing out the bad weather in ATL and practicing her heart out. I had to take care of business on my end. There is a group of guys who are often playing doubles when we are practicing in Charlottesville. The Wednesday before we were going to leave for Thailand two of the guys were hitting and of course Kevin asked if we could play doubles with them. I don’t think either of us knew what were getting ourselves into - huge serves, shots being hit behind the back, all sorts of craziness that I don’t see playing with women. I was so excited to get out there, get some match play in and see if I could hang with the guys. You would have to ask them but I am pretty sure I held my own :) Stuart, Jacek, Mark and Troy - you are much appreciated in helping me get ready to play.

We left for Thailand on a Monday morning and did not get to our final destination until Wednesday morning. After 22 hours of flying we got to Chang Mai, Thailand. Two years ago when I came to play the Pattaya Open we also stopped in Chang Mai for a few days before we went to Pattaya. It seemed as though it was ground hogs day but there were some major differences. Uncle Jim, Kevin’s Uncle, greeted us with the same warm smile just as he had two years ago. This time I did not feel like a guest. I felt like a part of the Epley family. He and Patrick spoke of “the compound,” which was unfinished when we were there last. My god was it spectacular. Lindsay, however, was not so fond of all the dogs who increased in number since we were there last. I am not so sure she was fond of the idea that there might be ghosts on the property either. That is for another blog tho... :)

As we did two years ago, we took a drive to a Buddhist temple where the Ajun Kow was. He is a cherished addition to the Epley family who has been an instrumental part of their life in Thailand. He is also one of the most renowned Monks in Thailand. He again blessed us and gave us more bracelets in a temple that was twice the size of the last. This time he fed us frog. Two years ago he was more quiet but this time he would look at us, tilt his head and just smile and giggle. His laugh was contagious and I could not help but laugh with him. In his presence I felt so light and carefree. I almost felt like a little kid again.

Kevin’s Aunt T was the same, going out of her way to make sure we were taken care of. She reminds me of my mother - so kind, caring - but there is never a question of who is in charge. The is no job that will go undone with her around.

Patrick, Kevin’s cousin, was so much more talkative than he was last time. When they picked us up from the airport he mentioned that he had been fishing a lot. All three of our faces lit up. He took us fishing and I had NO clue what I was in for. I caught four fish and by the end I was so exhausted. Lindsay and Kevin said I was whining about how hard it was to catch so many fish. Does that sound like me?! :) They were just jealous that I caught the most and the biggest fish!

The next morning my sore wrist and all we were off to Pattaya to go play some tennis. We got into Pattaya with enough time for Lindsay to sign into singles and we got a light hit in. We were not scheduled to play for a few days so it was all about Lindsay’s singles for the time being. She played some crazy tennis the first round of quailies and easily won. Second round was a little tougher. She lost a three setter to a girl who went on to kick everyone else’s hiney in the tournament.

The doubles draw was out and we were set to play the #2 seeds. We lost 7-6 6-4. It was a great match. We definitely had our chances - up 6-5 in the first set. I got tight on my service game and they cracked a few huge returns. We were also up 4-1 in the tie breaker and that too managed to slip away. The second set was somewhat routine in the sense that it was just one break that lost us the match. At the WTA level things are a lot tighter, a lot closer. It truly is the details that count.

What was great about this tournament was that Pattaya was the first WTA that I did not get the “yips.” I believed that I could compete with these girls, most of whom were a good foot taller than me. This was the first tournament that I was not paralyzed by fear. I played, I yelled, I believed. It was such a great feeling. At that point I had still yet to win a match at the WTA level, but who was counting....:)

Lindsay had been talking about how much she wanted to go jet skiing. Since we were out of the tournament I arranged it so that we could go jet skiing at the beach close to the hotel. Those of you who know me know that I am not a water person. I much prefer the mountains to the water. Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet and go.

We got out there and about 10 minutes into our 30 minute session I was ready to go back to shore. I waved Lindsay over to my jet ski and I figured since she was going about 10 miles per hour she was not having as much fun as Kevin who was flying like a maniac. So, I waved her over, looked at her and asked “You having fun??” Much to my dismay she said, “OH MY GOSH! THIS IS AWESOME!” All I could think was, “Shoot! Alright let me keep pretending like I am having the time of my life...” Despite my huge grin I was not happy that there was salt water getting in my eyes every two seconds.

Closer to the tale end of our adventure, Kevin came skiing over and said, “Hey Meg lets go check out this house boat.” Of course like the idiot I am, I followed him out there. As we got to the boat I bumped into his jet ski. Instantly, I remember what the Thai guy said in broken English, “No get close to friend.” Kevin sort of stared at my jet ski and on the way back stops me and just says, “Deny we ever hit each other.” Yeah right...I am the WORST liar ever. I start to sweat and it is written all over my face that I am not telling the truth. We had heard horror stories about foreigners getting ripped off and paying $1000 for jet ski accidents. My $150 was a steal for the damage I did. I knew I should have put an end to the jet skiing when I waved Lindsay down the first time.

With jet skiing, fishing, and tennis all under our belt we were off to Colombia. We flew from Bangkok to Tokyo. Then from Tokyo to Detroit where we had an eight hour layover. Once we landed In Detroit we hopped in a taxi and went to my moms house for that time. We did laundry, ate, showered and napped. We had a late flight to Miami, which got in at 11:30. We got a hotel for a few hours before we had to wake up at 4:30 AM to catch a 6:00 AM flight to Bogota.

What a nightmare of travel. All of us felt like we had been hit by a bus by time we arrived in Bogota. I was immediately regretting our decision to trek across the world. What made it even worse was looking at the other draws and realizing we would have gotten into both Paris and Memphis. I think we were all kicking ourselves but that is the way it goes sometimes.

When we arrived on Friday it was pouring rain. I thought for sure Lindsay was not going to get to hit on the red clay before she played singles the next day. Somehow the clouds parted and we got to hit for 30 minutes. It may have been better if we had not hit. Did I mention that Bogota is in altitude? Yeah...

This was the view from the courts. Not too shabby.

It took me three days to get used to everything but thank goodness I had time on my side. Unfortunately, Linds did not have the same luxury. She had to be ready to play the next day, which was virtually impossible given the travel we had just done. She lost and I felt a tremendous amount of guilt knowing that I had time to prepare and she did not.

By the time Monday rolled around we were both ready to play. We had drawn the #3 seeds from Spain, Lourdes Dominguez-Lino and Arantxa Parra-Santonja. That is a lot of hyphenated names on one score board. Both are top 100 singles players and have been top 75 in doubles. It was a little strange because one of them had a one hander and was only inches taller than me. That never happens.

It rained every day we were there and it promptly started raining when we were down 2-3 in the first set. Prior to the rain delay, Lindsay was playing like a freaking MONSTER. She was hitting huge forehand returns that would go wizzing passed my ear but not hit me like they did in Thailand :) She was pumping her fist and yelling like a crazy woman. I was in “little deer in head lights” mode. It is much easier for me to believe that I can beat people if I know them and I have seen them before. The unknown scares me a little bit. But I am working on it. The rain delay gave me the time to process what was going on and start believing.

Post rain delay we both came out guns blazing. We won Lindsay’s serve to tie it up to 3-3. I’m not quite sure what happened to the rest of the set but I know we got down 6-5, set point and Lindsay came up with some huge second serve dump volley. At 5-5 in the tie breaker, Lindsay’s serving, I was in service partner position trying to light a fire in my behind. “This is your time Meg, gotta go, gotta go.” Lindsay hits the serve, I close my eyes and just start running across the court as fast as possible. Somehow my little arms manage to reach the ball that would have landed in the alley. I watched the ball leave my racquet and pass the returner’s partner at a snails pace. At 6-5 there was a serve that skidded off the line to my backhand. My racquet head was by my ear when the ball was at my ankle. I flicked my wrist and happened to hit a bullet of a shot that went right by the net girl. There was absolutely no skill involved, just pure luck.

We definitely got blown away in the second set in about 15 minutes. We could not hit the side of a barn to save our lives. It was a disaster. At 0-5 I looked at Lindsay and said we have a tie breaker to get ready for. That is exactly what we did. Over our dead bodies were we going to lay down and give it away like we had done in Dubai.

Despite our positive outlook and fighter spirit we found ourselves in a little bit of a pickle...aka down 8-9, which was our second match point against us. We had fought very hard to get that point and never showed any signs of being defeated or dejected but it was not looking pretty. I was back at the line getting ready to return, trying to convince myself that it was not match point while Lindsay was at net and had no clue it was match point! The ball was hit to my forehand, I cracked it deep cross-court, Lindsay closed tight, got right on top of the net and poached. She broke her wrist and hit the sickest drop volley EVER.

I have no clue what happened at 9-9, but we lost the point. Down 9-10, I missed my first serve. Shaking I stepped up to the line and sort of hit a kick up to Aranxta’s backhand and she missed it wide. 10-10 I tried to hit a kick to Lourders backhand but she ran around the ball and hit a perfect top spin lob that landed on the line. I am pretty sure my heart dropped onto the court but no one saw. I thought it was over but I had to get myself together really quickly. At 10-11 all I know is we made the return and won the point. Again, at 11-11 the only thing I am certain about is the fact that Lindsay made the return and we won the point. 12-11 I was trying to call some crazy play and Lindsay was NOT having it. She kicked the ball out wide to Aranxta who missed it wide.

Defeating all odds, down set point in the first and four match points in the breaker, we won that match. All of the guilt, thoughts of poor planning and scheduling went out of the window quickly. It was all worth it after that. After the match Kevin told us it would not have mattered if we had won or lost because as a coach he would have been proud either way. You cannot teach the heart that was displayed by both of us in that breaker. He then went on to tell us how badly we sucked in the second set :) I am sure it was to keep us grounded.

Once we were done talking, we all went to watch the last bit of the match that we were supposed to play the winners. The next day we constructed a practice plan based on what we saw the the day before. We practiced a lot of specific serves and service plays. We felt very prepared for the next match.

Later that night we got back from dinner and went to look at the schedule, only to find out we got a walk over. One of the girls we were supposed to play had done something to her abdominal muscle during her singles match. Inside my head there were all sorts of thoughts going on. I was excited beyond belief but I knew I had to remain calm in public. I was still pretty hyped and jittery.

Kevin and I went upstairs and we were in the elevator with one of the French coaches. Kevin absolutely lost it. He looked at me, raised his arms and screamed at the top of his lungs, “WE ARE IN THE SEMIS OF A WTA BIIIIIIAAAAAAAACHHHHH!” Oh but that was not the end of it. Mr. Composed had lost his damn mind! It was the longest two minutes of my life in that elevator. I just kept looking at him, then looking at the other coach hoping that this man did not understand English. The guy’s face was stone cold. All I could do was laugh...

We watched our opponents, the #1 seeds, Edina Gallovits-Hall and Anabel Medina Garrigues, play the day before our semis match. We all sat there and charted their match. It was not enough. Even though I felt so well prepared, I was not mentally ready for that win. We fought hard but hard was not enough. We lost the match 2-6, 3-6. While I thought we were going to win because I had put in the work and was ready to win, I guess it was just not meant to be.

The original plan was to go to Acapulco and then to Monterrey but the plans changed because we did not get into Acapulco and it is extremely dangerous in Mexico right now.

Who knows what our next adventure will be. I will keep you posted. Until next time...

Happy New Year

2011-01-09T17:15:00.003-05:00

I am always so inspired to write when I leave Dubai. So much happens in such a small amount of time. I certainly enjoyed myself a lot more this time compared to the last time I was here. Although, upon arrival I was not sure if it was going to be any better than last time. I was still feeling sick and I was not feeling that confident. Out of the past 4 tournaments I had only played well in one match and that was the match that Courtney and I came up short. I just was not sure it was going to be worth it coming all the way across the world to play a tournament.

Like I said in the last blog Lindsay and I practiced a little bit when we got here just to get our timing. We did not overdo it, but both of us were hitting pretty well. Still that was not enough to convince my nerves to settle down. The morning before our match I slept horribly. 1.) Because I was coughing all night long and 2.) Because I was nervous to death. We were playing the #3 seed and I made the mistake of looking at their rankings before we played. They had a combined ranking of 170. Vatalia Diathenko is ranked 65 and Alexandra Panova is ranked 105.

That night all the wrong thoughts were going through my head. Somehow, despite the poor sleep and bad thoughts I managed to have a great meditation. My next thought was, “Ok, this day is not going to be so bad.” Then Kevin came in the room and was wired - he had WAY too much coffee. He was really antsy and asking me too many question so early in the morning. Of course I was acting like a brat and snipped at him and then got in the shower. The shower was more of an opportunity for me to clear my mind and get into the right frame of mind before the match. When I walked out of the bathroom Lindsay asked me how I was feeling. I put on the biggest, most fake smile ever and said, “Great!” Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.

The day was beginning to brighten again. Before we left the apartment we talked a little strategy and then we set off in a taxi to the courts. We were stopped at a light, almost to the courts, when Lindsay nonchalantly said, “Hey guys look to the right.” I looked, but it took me a second to realize that Roger Federer, the twins and maybe his mom was standing about 100 yards from the taxi! I freaked out. I love that man more than anything. I started sweating, fumbled with my phone and could not grab it fast enough to take a close enough picture. I DIED. It was the greatest thing ever.

I am pretty sure Lindsay thought I had lost my mind. I looked kind of like one of those crazy Michael Jackson fans who would faint if they saw him. Yep, that was me. After we saw him, we all knew I was going to play well. So the anxiety of the morning had suddenly disappeared. Now it was just time to channel my inner Roger.

Two years ago I came to Dubai with Audra Cohen and I naively wrote a blog about the crazy experience that we had here. There was a lot of controversy surrounding the blog. People were contacting me to do interviews about the blog and various tennis organizations contacted me to ask me to remove the blog. There was concern I was complaining about what had taken place, however, my only intention was to write about my experience without judgement. I was merely telling a story. Anyway, I was not sure if I was going to get held in Dubai because of that blog.

All of the days leading up to our match, I had been avoiding Mr. Habtoor. But right before Lindsay and I were about to walk on court, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him and his crew approaching us very quickly. There was no avoiding this one. I looked up locked eyes with him and said, “Hi Mr. Habtoor! What a pleasure it is to see you.” He then said in a very very heavy Arabic accent, “Habibi (loosely translated means baby in Arabic), two years ago your spiiiin broke my harm (arm). I I almost sent the very best Jewish lawyers to come get you in Aaaamerica. I could not play tennis for 3 months.” He said all of this with a smile. The rest of the week I was known as the girl who broke his arm. Every time he saw me that is how he would introduce me to the people he was with.

He then went on to ask me how the past two years had been, what my ranking was, why I did not come and play the tournament last year and who I was playing with. Lindsay was sitting right there the whole time! She knew who he was and was not trying to have a repeat of what happened last time I was here. She kept her head down the ENTIRE time! Even while he was commenting on her beauty The man is hilarious and harmless. He likes to laugh and have fun and does not take himself too seriously. He seems like a good guy to me.

After the encounter with "the boss", Lindsay and I were laughing and ready to roll. And that is exactly what we did. We rolled over out opponents 6-0, 6-1. I am not quite sure that they knew what had hit them. They both resembled boxers who have had one too many hits and were about to pass out. The crazy thing is that we did not play the best tennis of our lives. What we did was execute our style of play with an exceptional amount of focus. At times, when we would normally get loose and give away a few games, we got hungrier. We were animals smelling the fear in our prey and pouncing. I have never been able to access that level of intense focus. When I get leads I usually get tight and start to protect but it did not happen that day.

I had the next day off. I warmed Lindsay up for her singles match, which she won because she is a rock star. She knocked off one of the seeds. She hadn’t competed since Troy and came out here and just waxed the girl. It was awesome. She played first so after her match we went to see the tallest building in the world and went to one of the 10 plush malls in Dubai - The mall of Dubai. While we were at dinner I called the tournament and they said Lindsay plays singles and we were not going to play doubles the next day.

I woke up the next morning feeling the worst I had felt. I contemplated staying in bed and asking Kevin to warm up Lindsay, but I thought, “Get your lazy behind up. You can make it through a 30 minute warm up.” So I did just that. Thank goodness because when we got to the club we found out that we did play doubles today! I had a lot of mental prep to do in a short amount of time, so I got to it. I had the best warm up ever. I did not miss a ball. After the warm up Kevin asked me to sit with him on the bench. I was thinking, “Oh man what did I do now,” but then I saw his bottom lip start to shake. He had his sunglasses on but I am sure his eyes were teary. He told me how proud he was of me and how since we had been in Dubai he saw a new level of commitment, ownership and focus that he had not seen before. He talked to me about how far I had come and how he knows it is hard to fight through being sick but that is what a professional does and I was being a professional.

I cannot tell you how great that was to hear at that moment. I physically felt like shit but my mind felt so fresh. I was not doing that to make him happy or to please other people. I found the power to do that because I love what I do. I love waking up and getting better. Now, the chance to push myself and try to fight through these demons that are holding me back is all that maters to me. I have realized that in 2009 and the beginning of 2010, Kevin, my mom and many people were right when they told me I was not committed. Now I am committed and hungry to gain mastery of myself, my emotions and my tennis.

I tried to stay out of the sun while I watched Lindsay lose a tough three set match. She fought hard but the young buck she played was too good. She had a great serve and was well beyond her age in terms of her composure.

After a quick lunch break we were ready to get focused on doubles. We were going to play Sarah Borwell and Valeria Savinykh. I had played Sarah two times before and never beaten her but that day the dynamics were different. Lindsay and I came out all guns blazing. For the second time in a row we were fierce. We got more aggressive when we got ahead. We executed our game flawlessly and did not let up. We won 6-3, 6-2. Some matches you win are just so sweet and that was certainly one of them. However, I could not get too excited because that was not the finals. Lindsay and I stayed at the club to watch a little of our opponents play. Kevin stayed behind to watch the rest.

We knew exactly what we needed to do going into the semi-finals match against the #1 seed Sonia Mirza and Vladimira Uhlirova - not let Mirza get grooved on the bullet of a forehand she has. For the first set and a half we managed to not let her hit more than one forehand cross court. We won the first set 6-1 and we were up 4-1, 40-15 in the second set. We were playing the way that we needed to win the match. They had absolutely NO clue what was happening. Vladimira could not make a ball to save her life and Sonia would shoot her looks every time she missed. They were falling apart and we were executing our patterns - Lindsay cracking the living day lights out of the ball and me moving. We were committed to swinging out and going after it. At 40-15 Sonia was serving to Lindsay and we skipped to each other and said, “Ok now is the time to turn it up.” Lindsay cracked a return and missed it. We looked at each other and said, “Oh well.” I looked at her and told her I was going after it. Sonia served to my forehand and I sensed that Vladimira was going to move so I pulled it down line, which was wide open but I missed it, barely. Lindsay always takes the deuce point and this one was no different. Sonia served, Lindsay missed it but went after it like an animal.

Even though we were saying the right things to each other, and we were committed to swinging out and going after it, I got tight. My legs stopped moving and I froze. Without my permission, the negative thoughts grabbed me and took control. Those same old thoughts crept in. “What do you think you are doing? Who do you think you are that you can play this well for 3 matches?” Within minutes all the work we had done was lost. Vladimira started making returns because I was no longer a threat. Sonia started to get a groove on her forehand because I was not moving. Even before we had lost the match, we had lost the match. By the end we both looked deflated and dejected. We had no chance in the tie breaker. Credit must go to them because at no moment were they out of the match even though we were crushing them. I guess you really have to pounce when you have the chance because no one is going to give you anything out here.

Not all is lost. Even though I fell into my old pattern, I have still made soooo much progress in the past few weeks. I am playing better than I have ever played. I am mentally doing things that I have never done and I am loving the journey of growing and getting better. It is so exciting to be engaged and to be a part of the process of getting better.

Here was our Dune Bashing driver filing up our flat tire!

With the lost behind us, we decided that we could not come all the way out here and not go sand boarding. I managed to set up a desert safari for the next day that was supposed to include sand boarding, however, they told us the company was no longer insured to do it. We got ripped off! Anyway we still had the time of our lives. We got to go dune bashing, which included a professional driver taking us out into the desert in Land Cruisers and just going wild. Lindsay and I were sitting in the back and I was trying to take pictures and film it but I could not see the bumps and turns so I was getting thrown around like a jumping bean. It was great.

That was a great end to a great year. I am happy that I found a wonderful partner, fortunate that I continue to get better and so blessed that I am surrounded by so many good people. I do not know how many people read this thing but I thank you for taking the time to do so. I will be better next year. I hope everyone had a great holiday. Until next time...:)

Back to Work.

2010-12-12T08:28:00.025-05:00

I received some constructive criticism from a dear friend of mine. She said “I have just read your blog--awesome! I just wish your posts were maybe shorter, but a lot more frequent ;-)” Consistency and brevity are not my best attributes, but I am willing to give it the old college try. Klauds this is for you ;-)

I signed off from my last entry talking about our first round match in Troy, Alabama. We played Lauren Albanese and Grace Min. Lindsay and I lost in in a third set tie breaker.

The first set started and both Lindsay and I were flat. Lauren had adopted some of the things that she and Irina had done in Kansas City. They played a lot of 'I' formation and also played both back when we were serving. Those changes really disrupted our rhythm - well, my rhythm because I can only speak for myself. While we were vocal and pumped up for every point, it was not filled with any conviction. It was empty. The noise was not filled with the same type of energy that it needed to be filled with. Same story as every other match we have lost...

The beginning of the second set both of us just got angry and hungry. The look on our faces changed and we wanted the ball way more. Lindsay was hitting big and closing the net hard. I swear her nose almost hit the net she was so close to it. I was playing a little further back trying to cover for the lob that was being hit over and over again. Because our energy changed and we approached every point with a different type of intensity, we crushed them in the second set.

Third set was a toss up. They played well and I played tight. Normally I get tougher in tie breakers but for some reason I got really tight. I went into protect mood. I did not want to lose which is the worst thing that could have happened. At that point in a match you have to be willing to put everything on the line, you have to let go of losing so that you can just release and play. Did not happen for me that day. We lost. I was crushed.

I went into a mild state of depression for about a day. It wasn’t until I got home and saw my mom and sister that I snapped out of it. I felt like I had failed big time. I could not wrap my head around how we had won two tournaments and then in the next breath could not get passed the first round. It was all because I could not get my ego out of the way. I was irritated that someone had figured out how to beat us and instead of coming up with a response to the problem, I got mad. Does not make much sense. I was angry at myself for not being able to manage my emotions.

I have been more engaged with how to combat my mind and emotions. I have a much better awareness of what my mental/emotion state is. I take a mental note of how I am feeling when I wake up in the morning and actively try to get to a place where I know I can do my job at the best of my ability. The day before the match I was really angry in practice, but I knew it and I was battling with myself throughout the whole practice. In the past I would have just been a victim to my moods. I would know what was going on but not care enough to change it, but now I am putting in the work. That is why I felt like I let myself and Lindsay down during the match. I loss the battle against myself and that is why we lost. We did not lose because they were better than us.

I guess I have a lot more work to do!! I know all of this sounds so negative and like I am beating myself up, but I have to be honest about what is going on. I also realize that there are so many beautiful things that have come out of this experience. During the course of the match against Lauren and Grace something did change. Lindsay and I made the proper adjustments and our mindsets changed which resulted in a tactical change that neutralized their attempts to beat us. That was a huge victory. There were many other victories through the 5 weeks that I was on the road. I battled through emotional demons in Albuquerque and Vegas and somehow we prevailed. I fell short the last two weeks of our tour, but I guess I am only human!!!

After Troy I went home and trained a little bit. I was planning on playing two more tournaments - Grapevine, Texas and Phoenix, Arizona. Grapevine is not even worth talking about. It was probably one of the worse experiences I have had in my life. I will leave it at that. I decided that it was probably not best for me to play Arizona. As an alternate I decided to play a 75K in Japan and another one in Dubai.

Japan was AMAZING. I loved every second of it. I think I enjoyed it the most because I felt tall there :) It is very clean, orderly and everything happened on time. The people were very respectful of others. It is considered rude to tip there, so that saved me a lot of money. I thought their sense of fashion was unique. There were so many things that I wanted to buy, but I did not because I did not think I could pull off the Japanese look back in the states. Even the kids dress well:) I would love to go back and visit when I am not playing.

The only thing that was little suspect was the food... This was at a mall across the street from our hotel. Courtney tried to eat them, but they are fake!

I went off there and played with Courtney Nagle. We got there quite a few days early and we were ready to play by the time we did. We both played phenomenally. I hit 5 aces! I have never hit that many in my entire life, let alone in one match. Courtney was crossing like an animal. I am still not sure how we lost that match. We were up 9-6 in the third set tie breaker and lost it 11-9. Rika Fugiwara turned into a pouncing ninja. She played so well at the end of the match when it counted. I have to give it up to her.

Even though we lost it was an absolute pleasure to have played with Courtney. The chemistry is not always right when I play with most people, but I have so thoroughly enjoyed playing with Lindsay and Courtney. I feel so blessed that I have had the opportunity to compete with them.

Right now I am in Dubai. We arrived late friday night and had the chance to hit some on Saturday. We played a lot today and I am feeling great. I am fighting the jet lag off until after we get back. We play tomorrow not before 12.30 against two Russians and Lindsay plays singles on Tuesday Wish us luck! Until next time...

Hello hello!

2010-10-12T19:02:00.004-04:00

So much has happened since France, so to keep it relatively short I will just start with the most recent. That past month has been pretty crazy. It started at a WTA in Quebec. Lindsay and I barely got in. We played the girls who won the tournament, but we played like we did not deserve to be there. It is very strange to me how a simple change of surroundings can completely change the way I approach a match.

We were playing indoors on light bright blue courts with these huge industrial sized bright lights. As soon I walked onto the court I had instant-sweating - that is when I am so nervous I start sweating uncontrollably. It happens in social settings too. You have no clue how embarassing it is.

Anyway, my nerves were a little out of control. I have worked so hard and I wanted my breakthrough moment to come right then and there. I put way too much pressure on myself. We got crushed. However, that was not the worst part. The whole thing was filmed...:( After the match Kevin gave Lindsay and I a pretty routine speech. “Your energy was not right, you guys were shell shocked. This is not the team that I saw play in Texas or Boston or California. Where is the passion and determination that you guys were playing with before?” I listen as I always do, but it was not until I watched the video of the match that I realized what he was talking about. I watched the match on the flight back from Quebec. I found myself getting more pumped up in the seat of the plane than on court during the match. I was astonished. He was right. That was not me, that was not us. I play with fire, passion, grit, noise for heavens sake!

We went home for 2 days and during that time I did some serious soul searching. I was so disappointed after the past two losses that Lindsay and I had. Something had to change. After watching the match from Quebec I made a pact with myself. I had to be better about what I was bringing to the table. When I walk onto the court to play a match I have to be able to present a more consistent version of myself. High energy, positive thoughts and body language, fierce determination, laying everything on the line. That is the person that I became over the summer. That is how I win.

After a few days of soul searching I left for Albuquerque early Sunday morning. When we got there I was tired and in no mood to play tennis. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had to hit anyway. It was not pretty. We were in high altitude and the balls were just flying. Serves, returns, volleys you name it. Nothing was going in. I was tired, frustrated and could not feel a thing; my pact was already being challenged.

When I woke up the next morning I felt peppy and ready to go after my doubles practice. In warm up I still could not feel a thing. I have been working on my returns and they have been feeling great, but I could not hit one to save my life. It is so frustrating to feel like you have mastered something to only find out you are so far from mastery. To make matters worse I found out that we are playing the team that we lost to in Vancouver. It was an ugly match. The energy was not right then either. I wanted to win and honor my pact so badly that I was nervous, wound up and did not sleep at all the night before the match.

We lost the first set 6-4 and we were down 5-2 deuce - that was a match point for them since we play no ad. I am not sure why, but something told me to take the return. Asia Muhammed missed the first serve and hit a second to my forehand side. I bunted it crosscourt and she missed the volley wide. While our energy was not bad, it was not perfect and we were still hesitant, nervous and tentative. After that deuce point things came alive. Lindsay was ripping returns and I was crossing everything; it was great. We were back. We did not lose another game in the second set and the tie breaker was tough, but experience prevailed.

The next two matches we won 6-1, 7-6. The energy was high and intense, but still there something missing. We were not playing to win; we were playing not to lose which meant we were not playing with the same aggression. Well I guess I cannot speak for Lindsay, but I was not playing to win. I was manually taking care of my energy, but it was not translating into ferocious closing, poaching and complete net domination.

The Saturday night before the final I asked Kevin what was wrong with him and why he was in such a bad mood. His reply was, “You are the one who is in a bad mood. I have been trying to manage and dance around your moods all week. You are projecting your bad mood on me.” All I heard was blah blah blah. At the time I was not trying to hear what he was saying. All I kept thinking was this is the hardest I have ever tried to manage my energy on court. What more does this man want from me?!?!?!?!

The whole time I knew I was being a brat, but I needed some assistance to realize that I was acting like I was 12. I called Courtney and she gave me a quick perspective check and I was back. The conversation with Kevin helped me realize that in the summer when I was doing well I was just playing because I loved it and I wanted to. Since Lindsay and I had been doing well the expectation in my eyes had changed. I felt like I had something to protect instead of playing from the that free happy place. My hope was that if I dove and tackled my emotional demons it might help for the finals. I needed all the help I could get because we had a tough match the next day.

We played Abigail Spears and Mashona Washington. I do not think I had ever lost to Mashona, but I know I had never beaten Abi. We got off to a slow start and lost the first set 6-2. In the second set we got a hell of a lot better. We were shaking and baking - doing our thing. 1-2 punches. Lindsay was knocking people off balance with her huge serve and then I would finish them off at net. We played well enough to tie it up winning the second set 6-3. We got off to a quick lead in the tie breaker. We were up 9-5, then 9-6, then 9-7. The tightness was starting to set in.... then 9-8. It was my serve and my arm felt as stiff as a board. I just tried to gather myself and focus on the T serve that I was trying to hit. I stepped up to the baseline, got ready, tossed the ball up and hit the serve as hard as possible. By the grace of God the serve went in. Mashona barely got her racquet on it. That was the match. I threw my hand in the air and said holly sh*%. I looked at Lindsay and gave her a big hug. We won the tournament. After being down match point in the first round. After dealing with mood swings and altitude. After battling uncertainty of if we were going to find our mojo again - we did it.

That week was so exhausting, but there was no time to celebrate. We had to get ready to go to Las Vegas. Lindsay left right after the match, but Kevin and I left at the crack of dawn the next morning.

In the middle of the night I received a message from someone asking me if I was ok after what had happened. I had no clue what she was talking about. So, on the way to the airport at 4:45 in the morning I called my mom and asked her if everything was ok. Turns out everything was not ok. Something really terrible had happened to one of my family members. She was alive, but was in bad shape. Needless to say after that news I was in a state of shock. I could not sleep on the plane. I just stared out of the window trying to organize my emotions.

When we got to Vegas at 8:30 in the morning, we went straight to the courts for a doubles practice. The first one was ok but by the afternoon I felt like a zombie. Between the travel, the bad news and the emotionally exhausting week of tennis, I was spent. Later on that day we found out that we played Asia Muhammad and Ashley Weinhold again. Out of the past 4 tournaments that Lindsay and I have played, that was the third time we played them first round. Every other time I was nervous, however, this time I was far too tired to be nervous.

That week I had absolutely no pressure or expectations. We had just won a tournament and what was the chance that we would win 2? My mind was focused on two things. 1. Being a professional - trying to hone in on my ability to walk on court and be consistent with what I bring to the table. 2. While I was off court, my mind was on my family. I knew that if we did lose early I would be on the next flight home to be with my family.

On Tuesday we played Ashley and Asia. Lindsay and I approached the match must differently. We knew exactly what we needed to do and felt very confident that we were going to be able to execute. We won the match 6-4 6-2.

Wednesday was our day off. I went into a daze. I was tired and emotionally spent. The delirium set in and I was a little out there. I am sure you have all been there. You get to that point when you are so tired that everything that comes out of your mouth makes no sense. Your limbs do not feel like they belong to you. That was me on Wednesday. I still practiced hard, but that was about the only time I could keep it together.

Christina Fusano and Courtney Nagle were our next opponents. We played them in the finals of Carson and beat them pretty handily. We played nearly perfect tennis that day. I was not sure if we were going to be able to re-do that. I knew they were going to be pumped up to play. It was going to a tough match.

Thankfully we came out firing on all cylinders again. Lindsay was serving bombs. I am pretty sure she hit an ace every game except the last. It got a little tight at the end, but we won 6-2, 6-3.

Another rematch was lined up next. Mashona and Abi. Kevin watched them play the day before we played them and informed me that we were playing a different team. The altitude had majorly helped us in the last match, but it looked like we did not have that on our side and they were playing a lot better.

Again we dropped the first set. We were not flat like in the finals of Albuquerque, they just out played us. I thought I was going home. Second set things started to go in our favor. We won the second set 6-2. Once more it was going to come down to a tie breaker. We got off to a mini lead, then they captured the lead and were up 8-9. Match point. Mashona was serving to me and missed the first serve. She got a second serve into my backhand. I poked it back deep crosscourt. Mashona wound up to hit a ripping backhand down the line right past Lindsay. “OUT” the umpire yelled. She barely missed. Two or three inches max. Not sure what happened at the 9-9 point. 10-9 I say to Linds, “Let’s go for I formation big stretch T serve.” As Lindsay normally does she looked at me smiled and nodded her head. Same situation as last week, nervous as hell, but trying to find the might to hit a great serve. And once again by the grace of God I hit a perfect serve. Mashona barely got her racquet on it. Game, Set, Match Lee-Waters, Moulton-Levy.

Now reality starts to set in. We are in the finals. The nerves began to make their way through my body and mind. I did not even feel it happen, but it was clearly evident that we were playing to protect. Lost the first set 6-1 in the matter of minutes. At the start of the second set we started to look a little bit more like ourselves. We got up 2-0, but it was still shaky. We won the second set 7-5 in a nail bitter. The tie breaker came around and they had completely self-destructed. It was not pretty, but we won.

In both tournaments we had match points against us - first round against Asia and Ashley (2-5 down second set) and the semifinals match (8-9 down in the third set breaker) against Abi and Mashona. We had brief encounters with death that we narrowly escaped. We were lucky to come out on the winning end.

Vegas was behind us. After the award ceremony we had to take a quick shower say thank you and good bye and head for Kansas City. Kevin and I had a nightmare of travel. Vegas to LA. Red eye from LAX to Minneapolis St. Paul - we both had middle seats on that one! MSP to Kansas City. We got there at 8:30 am and went straight to the practice courts. We had an hour hit. It was pretty good - my pact was being upheld well. We checked into the hotel and then I went and did laundry.

We played on Tuesday. We dominated, won the match 6-1, 6-0 in about 45 minutes. The match was nothing really to write home about. The one thing that was good is that we never lost concentration. Sometimes it is hard to focus throughout the duration of really easy matches.

We were scheduled to play again on Thursday against Lauren Albanese and Irina Falconi. We had just played Falconi in the finals of Vegas; it was ugly but we won. I had a sneaking suspicion that this one was not going to be good. Boy was I right. We lost 6-2, 6-1 in about an hour. Nothing we did was correct. We did not make any first serves any returns. Falconi plays 2 back old lady doubles. She lobs, dips and makes her partner do the exact same thing. It is so different from the way everyone else on the tour plays doubles. It is throwing everyone for a loop. It certainly threw us for a loop. One bad day in 3 weeks is not to bad. I decided that i am going to look at it like that and move on.

I took the next day off. I just relaxed all day. I went to a coffee shop, grabbed some lunch from a cool place called D’Bronx and just hung out. It was great. My first day off in 2 and a half weeks.

I left on Sunday for Atlanta. I landed in Atlanta and called Amy, my old college teammate. I drove an hour to her house to have dinner and see her cute baby, Sienna. I ate an awesome home cooked meal that Reid, her husband, made. Then I had to start my 4 hour trek to Troy, Alabama. I probably should have stayed in Atlanta with them because Troy is probably one of the worst places that I have ever been.

It gets particularly hard to make it through the weeks when the places are not that nice :( I just have to focus on getting through the week before I get to go home and be with my family. This is the time that I really have to challenge myself to be a professional. I am tired and cranky, and it would be so easy to give in. But I have to fight. I will fight.

Tomorrow I have the chance to get revenge against Lauren Albanese. She is playing with Grace Min this tournament. In the past I have not looked at Lauren as a very good doubles player, but it looks like she is playing a lot better. Kudos to her, must get my game face on!

Wish me luck. Until next time...

Who Said the French aren't Nice?

2010-06-23T12:01:00.009-04:00

Who Said the French aren't Nice?

California seems like a distant memory. After some very tedious travel we finally got to England on Monday. Normally the practices on travel days are somewhat useless. Body parts do not work very well and my brain is not functioning much better. That day was no exception. I got 30 minutes on half a court to get ready for a grass court tournament. Hmmm in hide sight may not be one of my best decisions :)

I asked the referee for a Tuesday start to give my body the chance to catch up to the new time zone. Thank God it rained all day on Tuesday. One by one they cancelled certain events. First it was men’s singles, then men’s doubles, then a few of the women’s singles matches. Finally at 6pm they cancelled all of the matches.

Woke up on Wednesday feeling only slightly more rested, but ready to play. Carly and I played Sarah Borwell and Raquel Kops-Jones. They have been playing with each other for the past 8 months, and have a combined ranking of 120ish. They are both very solid players. Naturally this was a huge opportunity, but let me explain to you how my brain functions.... While there was that ‘nothing to lose’ excitement flowing through me there was also a I don’t want to play like shit and embarrass myself kinda of feeling going on too. The majority of the time that feeling takes control and I get the dear in head light kinda look going on.

On the rare occasion that I can control the beast, control those feelings something magically usually happens. I started the match looking a little dear in headlights, but it quickly changed. There was some inner strength, deep determination and tremendous fight going on. I was practically foaming at the mouth I felt so intense. There were not too many balls that went past either of us. Surprisingly unless you really stuck your volleys it was hard to put the ball away on the grass. They were very cushiony, so if you did not hit the volley perfectly it just sat up like a sitting duck. Made getting to the balls a lot easier. If only I could have found my footing on the slippery, damp grass.

We lost the match 4-6, 6-3, 10-4 in the breaker. It was a tight match, they were nervous, but we did not convert when we needed to. Hats off to them for stepping up when they needed to.

The only thing that stunk about the tournament was everyone asking if I am playing Wimbledon. I just give a fake smile and told them I did not feel like playing :) Just kidding I had to give a fake smile and say I would not get in. The other question that is getting old is the singles question. Man if I hear that one more time I might explode. Are you becoming a doubles specialist?? I think they are all just scared to lose to me in singles. Ha

England came and went in a flash. We were off to France Thursday morning. The first two nights we stayed with Kevin’s “French family”. These are people he had met almost 20 years ago when he came to France to play money tournaments in the summer. They took him in as their son and never looked back. I have heard so much about the whole family it was great to finally meet them. Everything he had told me was correct from the warm welcoming spirit, to the good cooking he spoke so fondly off. They truly know what it means to be a family. Home cooked meals, talking for hours and very little technological distractions. It was great while it lasted. It was a good change before we were thrown back into the tennis world.

On Saturday we took the TGV from Paris to Marseille. We went straight to the hotel and then it was off to the courts to get some practice in. My first impression of the city was that it was dirty and it kind of reminded me of Greece-I did not like Greece at all. Somehow my first impression could not have been more far from the truth. It helps that I speak the language, but still it was really nice there.

Sunday morning we woke up early to get a hit in so that we could have the whole court and get some practice in before Christina Fusano was going to arrive. After practice we walked to the beach to get some lunch. On our walk I came up with the brilliant idea that we should rent either bikes or scooters to get around town. There were bike rentals just along the side of the beach and everywhere in the city, but we couldn’t figure out how to work the machine. We asked many people on the streets if they knew where we could rent scooters. No one knew... there was also no food so we walked back to the club to eat and to figure out the scooter rental.

We ate quickly then got to work. We searched the internet high and low for places to rent a scooter. It appeared as though none were open because it was a Sunday. That is Europe for you. I was just about to give up hope when we stumbled upon a Europcar rental near the train station. The tournament transportation agreed to take us and then we were left on our own. Before we actually rented the scooters Kevin thought we would be able to pick Fusano up at the train station, but I knew that was NOT happening.

When we arrived at the rental place the people were trying every reason not to rent a scooter to me. Not sure if it was because they knew at 2 feet tall I would not be able to put my feet on the ground once on the scooter or if it was because I look like I am 16. Reluctantly gave it to me, but I was sure to get insurance!

Equip with a nervous smile, a helmet and my huge tennis bag I was ready to go. Not so fast... I crashed the scooter two times before we could left the rental place. I was accelerating and pressing the break at the same time, both times the bike slid right under me. I had already resigned to the fact that I was going to have to pay for the day and give the scooter back. The rental people were looking at me like WTF. The car guy was telling me it was because of my tennis bag then he tried to fit in little compartment under where you sit. Fat chance. The guy said start slowly. I decided to get on and try one last time. Somehow I made it. Somehow they did not come running after me to tell me to give the scooter back. Somehow I made it another 100 meters before I crashed into the side walk.

It only got worse. We got lost for almost 2 hours... Part of the problem was that the road that we knew to take was closed due to a bike race. We had to find a less direct route back to the club. It was hardest route for someone who is a novice scooter rider. We had to ride through the hills. The tiniest streets with sharp turns and houses everywhere. It was straight out of the movies that are situated in little European cities with crazy drivers, small streets and grandmothers yelling obscene things out of their windows. The first part of the detour Kevin took a corner fast I tried to take the corner just as fast as he did and saw a beige wall fast approaching. I panicked cut the wheel quickly just in time for me not to crash straight on. I manage to graze the wall with the side of the scooter and my foot. The wall took a piece of the head light, my shoe and my skin with it. I sort of kicked the wall to straighten me out and then accelerated. All of this happened within seconds and I never came to a complete stop. Good thing I got that insurance!

I learned my lesson. I had to take the corners more slowly. Well you see it is really not that simple. Next corner I took really slowly. As I turned there was a car coming the opposite direction. Once again I panicked and then cut the wheel. The scooter just fell to the right and I got of that thing quickly. The scooter was very heavy and I could not get it back up. The man parked his car, got out and helped me. The same thing happened shortly after. This time I fell to the left and it was a pedestrian who helped me pick up the bike. Who said the French aren’t nice? Some of you may be thinking where was Kevin while all off this was going on..? So was I! That was the last time I fell, but the fear did not cease. That night I had a nightmare about riding on the darn scooter!

Fusano arrived, we practiced it was routine. After practice we told her we rented scooters her mouth almost dropped. She had a look on her face like there is no way she was getting on that thing. Dinner came around and of course she was on the back of the scooter. Only problem is that we only had 2 helmets. One the way back from dinner we got stopped by the Police for only having 2 helmets. We did not get a ticket, but a warning and someone had to wait. That was only our first run in with the cops.

The next day Fusano took transport to the club and she was joking about already having rented a helmet. After that we knew she was as hooked as we were. We went to rent her a helmet as soon as practice was over. For the rest of the trip she was glued to the back of Kevin’s scooter. No way she was riding with me I would have killed us both.

After we got back from renting Fusano’s helmet we went back for practice. Maybe it was the adrenaline from mastering driving a scooter or something else. I was feeling on top of the world. I was moving the way I have not been able to move in months because of my hamstring. I was enjoying every second of physically pushing my body to the limits and having the sweat pour down my face. We started hitting crosscourt backhands when I took a step out to hit an inside out forehand when I felt a pop close to where my hamstring had been hurting. I immediately calmed down my movement and was scared.

The pain did not start immediately. It just got worse throughout the course of the week. It was a different type of pain. It does not feel as muscular as it did before. The pain was not there all the time, but when it is, it is like having held to your skin.

We got another late start and played on Tuesday as requested. We played two French girls and going into the match we were very confident that they would be no contest. Of course you always run into trouble when you think that way. Any given Sunday right? Well they caught us off guard. One girl was just absurdly on fire. She was hitting crazy tops spin lobs, hitting angles that ran us into the curtains on the court. He partner was no so on fire, but it took us a while to catch on. We were on the brick the whole time, but when we were down 3-4 in the second set after having lost the first. We were down 15-30 on my serve when Christina yelled at me. The point before I served and volleyed and tried to hit some cute half volley up the line. I stumbled and missed it horribly. She looked me in the eyes and said “We are better than this, get your serve in like you did against me in Carson and plan your volleys.” I was like ok captain. I quickly got my head out of the clouds and started to play and fight and scream. We scraped our way back into it. In the third set breaker we both hit two clutch serves followed by two loud amazon yells. That sealed the deal we fought our way through that match.

We had another non match day to practice. We worked on things that we need to improve on from the last match by the end of the practice day we looked like a well oiled machine. We improved on our energy problem from the day before. By the end of practice I felt great about playing the next day. We got two practices in before 2pm and then went to explore some more of Marseille with our motorized toys. On the way back from our exploring I was startled by the sound of sirens. I turned around to see where it was coming from only to be greeted by a cop hanging outside of the car ushering me to the side of the road. Perhaps this is why they stopped me...

As far as I was concerned I was following the law. There were 5 guys in the car with a blue siren light that they had placed on the top of the car with their hands. One of the guys had a huge camera. Another guy with an orange Police band around his bulging bicep was babbling at me in French. I was too shocked to pay attention and pulled the ‘I speak no French card’ He said “AHh well then where are you from” in his heavy french accent. I told them that I was American produced a license and rent a scooter papers. He looked at them said something to one of the other guys in French, loosely translated it meant “That was the right question to ask. We need to call so and so. She is not used to driving here.” I think they wanted to put me on the French version of 'Cops' Les mauvaises filles mauvaises filles vous quels sont allant faire? Loosely translated-bad girl bad girl whacha gonna do!?

By the time of our quarterfinals match my hamstring thing had gotten worse and I had lost a lot of confidence in my movement. The warm up for our match was a disaster and it was my fault. I was distracted and angry at my leg. I tried hard to fight the distraction and negative emotions, however it carried over into our match. Fusano played like a champ hitting these great deep volleys and all the other crafty shots she has in her repertoire. I never stopped fighting and I gave it all. My head was just not where is needed to be and the focusing on my leg was exhausting. We lost 6-4 7-6 to the number 1 seeds Stephanie Cohen-Aloro and Aurelie Vedy. It was good match, but after I was upset at myself for not being able to get my head in the right place and for letting my partner down who was clearly ready to play.

Those three weeks that felt like eternity. It was a great trip learned a lot, laughed a lot, ate a lot and played some great tennis. Now I am in Boston playing another 50 with Lindsay Lee-Waters. We have one match under our belt already we play again tomorrow. Wish us luck.

Fusi this is for you Whoop de whoop. Until next time...

Trains, Planes and automobiles!

2010-05-31T08:20:00.006-04:00

At the 50K in Charlottesville, Monique and I ran into the dynamic duo of Carly Gullickson and Julie Ditty. They were seeded number 1 and Carly was the 2009 US Open Mixed doubles champion. Needless to say we had our work cut out for us. Both of us were a little shelled shock. We were defeated even before we walked on court. I did not even know it happened. I only realized that in retrospect. My feet were not moving and I was not making the moves that Kevin and I had practiced so much in the time I took off to heal my hamstring. The score was 6-4, 6-4. We did not play that well, but the score was close.

The next stop on the tour was Indian Harbour, Florida. Another 50K with Monique, but before I left we had to make a stop in Williamsburg. The first weekend in May, William and Mary held it’s first Annual Celebration of Women’s Athletics. Saturday morning Alex de Guzman-long time friend, college teammate who also lives in Charlottesville-, Kevin and I packed in a car. Five years ago if you asked any of us if we thought we would be riding in the same car to go back to Williamsburg, I know the answer would have been a big fat NO. Car time with great people is always fun. We met Natasha and Donna on the side of the road at a rest stop on 64 changed and we were on our way!

The weekend was really centered around honoring Millie West. For those of you don’t know her she is William and Mary Women’s Athletics. She has been such an instrumental part of the success of William and Mary athletics, but more specifically Women’s Tennis. She was the part time coach during her time at WM. She is such an amazing woman and as Joe Plumeri put it, just down right “aggressive” when it comes to making sure that the William and Mary athletes do not miss a beat. It is for that reason that so many people came back for the weekend. Former athletes and tennis players-Michelle Kim (formally known as Michelle O), Lauren Nikolaus- former coaches-Kevin, Brian Kalbas and others from various sports. Betsy Nagelsen McCormack , (of the McCormack Nagelsen tennis Center...) long time friend of Millie’s, and a tennis legend was also there. Got to meet some amazing people.

After the weekend festivities we had to head to the Sunshine State. I arrived in Florida only to find out that we were going to play the dynamic duo again! This time I did not look like a deer in headlights. I was so excited to get another opportunity to play them. I was ready to get down to business. The warm up before the match was high energy with a lot of focus. I sat down in a chair right by the courts and listened to a 60 minutes podcast on my iPod to get focused for the match! It works I tell you.

When the match started I took control. I have an incredible wealth of knowledge about the game of doubles, but often I feel like my partners are better tennis players than I am so I let them take control even though normally I know more about doubles. Well that Wednesday something was different, I took control. At some point in the match I won 8 straight point on my own (so Kevin said.) I was on fire at least for a set! hahaha the first set was nail bitting 7-6. Carly stepped up big when she had to, but neither Monique nor I backed down. I was not scared this time. We lost the second set at love. We did not play badly, they played flawless tennis. Both of them are talented and serious competitors.

I lost that match, but in no way was it a disappointment. I walked off the court with my head held high. I got better that day. As I normally do I walked straight to Kevin and put my bags down. All Kevin could do was look at me with tears in his eyes, bottom lip shaking and say how proud he was of me. It has been so long since I have had ANY sort of big break through. It was long overdue. It gave me a glimpse of hope. All the hard work and pain-both literally and figuratively-was worth it. Ok I did not win a Grand Slam, shoot I did not even win the match, but it was still a huge victory.

Since I lost early in the week, instead of staying there and wasting a bunch of money we headed back to Virginia to train before making the trip to Raleigh, NC. The morning that we flew out Kevin went to work out as usual. When he came back he said he had tweaked his back. On the way to airport he was so fidgety and was complaining that his back hurt. I thought he was just being a baby. I kept telling him to sit still. He was making me nervous! Later that evening after we had parted ways he called and said he was at the ER!!! He had a torn muscle in his back. First thought was ‘god what an insensitive 'biatch' I had been’, second thought was ‘looks like I am making the trip to Raleigh by myself because he is going no where fast.’ He needed to rest.

Little did I know I was not going anywhere either. Monday morning I got an email saying that I needed to get cleared to play doubles in Raleigh. The International tennis federation (ITF) would have to give me the green light. Due to my hamstring I have not been playing singles, however, I keep entering into singles events thinking that this is going to be the week that I will start to play. I was entered to play singles in a 10K half way accross the world. Clearly I was not going to play that. It turns out you cannot play a separate doubles tournament if you do no play singles in the original tournament you have signed up for... All these rules to follow! Anyway the only way that I could play was if I got a United States Tennis Association (USTA) Wild Card (WC). I thought no problem for sure they will give me one. Well not necessarily give me the WC, but they would give it to Kim Couts. I thought wrong. Instead they gave it to a 15 year old... Granted it was my fault that we did not get to play, but we would have been seeded!

After I sulked for 30 minutes I decided that it would be best to use this time to go to Williamsburg and clean out my house. Something that I have wanted to do for the past 2 years! I met my sister Natasha somewhere and swapped cars with her. Courtney and I, then embarked on the 3 hours drive down to the “Burg.” We spent the night there and a good 8 hours cleaning, sorting, throwing away and packing. We packed up everything that I don’t need. That included a giant life size painting of myself that the people renting my place had to stare at every time they walked up the stairs. I am sure they are glad that is gone! We packed up a SUV filled to the brim, then left for Natasha’s house and sorted through the things that I had at her house. I left Courtney there, filled the front seat with the rest of my belongings and began an 8 hour trek to my moms house. I unpacked my stuff in the basement, spent a crazy two nights, saw my new niece and then drove back to Maryland!! WOOOOOW. It was just the craziest few days that I have ever had...

I only had a week of practice before I was supposed to play in Carson. Not that much time, but I guess it was enough... hehe:) We practiced up in Maryland that week. My cousin, Moji was also staying at Natasha’s house and boy was that a riot. Natasha plays in USTA leagues and Moji was at every match of Natasha’s and she also made it to most of my practices . She sat on the side with camera in hand trying to soak up every moment of the action. I did not know how much she loved tennis. I swear she almost peed her pants after I hit some of my wicked backhands! She is a tennis enthusiast, but also a great person. It was a pleasure getting to know her. That week was filled with great practice and much needed family bonding.

I mentioned earlier in the blog that I had the pleasure of meeting Michelle Kim-formerly known as Michelle O. A legend of a player, a member of the Tribe, graduated in... who am I kidding? I can’t give a woman’s age up! Anyway she and her husband live in California and told us if we were ever in California then we could to stay with them. It worked out that we were going to California. They lived only 10 miles away from the Home Depot Center, which is where the tournament was held. I could write a whole blog about how wonderful Kirk and Michelle are. Not to mention how cute their kids Gavin, Natalie and Coco are. Hospitable, kind, down to earth, loving are all words that can be used to describe them, but you cannot get a true feel of what this family is like. It was such an honor for us to have been a part of the family for a week. One the first day of our stay Gavin even wrote me a note. I am so grateful that they opened their home to Kevin and me.

On to tennis! I played with Lindsay Lee-Waters. What a player!!! She is awesome and I have a feeling we will be playing more together. Our first match we were up against Coco Vandeweghe and Shelby Rogers- Coco won junior US OPEN, she is a huge hitter, great player, and an all around great athlete. Lindsay pulled out a tough 3 setter against Shelby the night before. I thought we were going to have a tough time. NOT! We won 6-1, 6-2. It went so quickly I don’t even know what happened. I know there was a heck of a lot of closing, fist pumping and lots of noise from our end. And.... my partner can VOLLEY. So exciting. Man did she come up with some big shots at key moments.

That was by far the best I have played throughout a whole match. Coco played the ad side and hit a pull forehand right at me. I closed right on top of the net and popped a volley right passed her. I don’t normally do things like that... I mean it was just insane. Heath, Lindsay’s husband who is her coach and travel companion (along with their 2 kids) said to Kevin “Megan is playing top 5 doubles.... Does she always play like that?” Kevin’s response was “We will see tomorrow! She has been playing well, but she does not normally play that well!” That is messed up. Right??

Next match up was against Kim Couts and Tetiana Luzhanska. Luzhanska plays with Vantage tennis racquets too. Next thing you know Vantage is going to be every where you better get yours now!! The match was not as great as the one before, but it was still good. Movement was not as explosive and my hamstring was hurting. My focus was geared towards that and not being so alert. We still took care of business and won 6-2, 6-4.

Semis match was against another USTA sweetheart Asia Muhammed. Going into the match I had a perfect record against her which made me really nervous... However I had a several secret weapons! Michelle and the kids came out the match. 1. Before I went on court Gavin said “Miss Megan, if you win we get to out to dinner.” I asked him what if I do not win do we still get to go out to dinner? He said no. Done deal. All you have to do is dangle food in my face!! 2. We had kids on our side saying “let’s go Miss Megan and Miss Lindsay.” Gotta do it for the kids! 3.I played Asia’s partner, Ivana Lisjak, in Feb of last year in Thailand-qualies of a WTA. She beat me and that was the start of my year from hell. Pay back is not kind! The score was 6-3, 6-3, but we had to fight for it and we came up with the goods when we needed too.

The morning before my finals match I got a text from Natasha saying “A woman named Diedre is going to call you in about 23 mins. She is in Cali and has been helping Shirley, Mom, and Nonaine with ailments. Look for a call.” I had not spoken to any of my family members all week. I became reclusive (I hope I am using this word in the right context!) My hamstring had really been bothering me and Kevin must have told Natasha who passed it on to my Mother and Shirley who arranged my phone meeting with Diedre, the Healer. I was upstairs eating breakfast with my Korean family when she called. I went into the living room and meditated with Deidre. I had a phone to my ear, closed eyes and I was taking deep loud breaths. The kids just kept saying “Miss Megan, Miss Megan.” I tried to block it out while she removed the block in my hamstring. I hope I did not scare those poor kids!

We played Christina Fusano and Courtney Nagle in the finals. I have watched and practiced with them enough to know that we had to bring our A game if we wanted to win. They never give up. They may look like they are down and out, but they always dig and come back. Again it was one of those matches that I was in the zone. When I am in that mode I don’t really remember much. I know that I went big and it paid off. I called gutsy plays and put it on the line. I hit serves that I never have the balls to try. I was pouncing and reflexing volleying like no other. I was even running down balls like the good old times- must have been the healing meditation and Celebrex!

What was so great about this matches and all the matches that I played with Lindsay is that she is a also a fierce competitor. She did not have any mental break downs. She came up big when she needed to and she has great energy. It was such a pleasure to play with her. It was an experience. We won 6-1, 6-2. First tournament together that is not too shabby! Trust me, we will be playing more often.

While I was giving my speech during the award ceremony I looked up at Kevin because I was going to thank him and standing right next to him was this little person dressed in all black with pig tails.... The one and only Natasha had flown across the country to surprise me! I was speechless I just sorta of stood there for 5 seconds with the mic in my hands and then screamed my sister is here!! My speech went by the wayside after that. It is ok I tried hard to focus, but it just did not work. I hope I thanked everyone!

We finished the match at 4, had a plane at 1240am Sunday morning to Minneapolis. We arrived at 6am then flew to Baltimore. We had about three hours there. I ran back to Natasha’s house took a shower before getting on the train to Newark airport. From there we flew to Paris on Sunday evening. Finally we arrived in Birmingham, England at 10am on Monday:) I will be ready to play!! I am playing a 50K on grass with Carly Gullickson. Should be wicked fun mate! From there we go to Marseille, France to play a 100K with Christina Fusano. It’s game time people!

I will let you know how the grass goes. Until next time....

Finally playing!

2010-04-27T22:31:00.000-04:00

Hey guys I don't know who is in the Virginia area and can make it out tomorrow for the the match, but I will be playing 4th match after 10am at the Boars Head Inn. That means we could start any where from 2-4pm. Would love to see some familiar faces!!! If not I know you will be cheering for Monique and I from afar.

Hope everyone is well! Until next time...

Not playing Dothan

2010-04-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

Please do not be alarmed if you do not see my name in the doubles draw for Dothan. My doubles partner pulled out due to a bad back and I was having trouble finding another partner. I will be back in action next week in Charlottesville. I have decided not to play singles, but I will for sure be playing doubles!

I will post something next Monday after I have a better idea of when I will be playing. Until next time...

Sorry it has taken so long...

2010-04-13T21:36:00.005-04:00

I did not write about it in my first blog post of the year, but in January I called my mother on my way to practice and told her that I did not want play tennis anymore. When I started practicing at the start of the year I had no desire to compete, to travel and to live out of a bag anymore. My mother’s first response was, Megan you cannot quit. She told me that I have put so much into my tennis and to stop before reaching my potential would be a shame and a waste. However, in the next breath she said oh to hell with it, do what you want, if you quit than I can finally get that baby grand piano that I want! This is why I love my mother. She makes me laugh. We ended the conversation agreeing that the decision was up to me and she would support me either way.

I went through the motions of practice and at the end I told Kevin I needed to talk to him. I do not think he knew what hit him and I certainly do no think he was expecting me to tell him that I wanted to quit playing tennis. He thought I just wanted to stop so that I could stare at Courtney all day long. What he and no one else seemed to understand was that I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to grow up and in my mind tennis was impeding that growth. I wanted and still want to be a self sufficient, independent ADULT. Although I am so grateful that my mother is funding this endeavor, I often feel guilty that she is and I wish that I could be financially independent.

I know what all of you are thinking: Megan no! This is supposed to be the time of your life. Stop thinking and try to just enjoy the experience. I cannot tell you how many times I have told myself that. How many times I have had to stop and say my goodness Megan you are doing this to yourself! All the shame of losing, the guilt of the “wasted money”, these are all stories that I have made up in my head and I have fought hard to maintain. My god is it is exhausting.

Kevin and I spoke and I tried to explain to him how I was feeling. He made a valid point which was, I was making a very irrational decision, one that I might regret years down the road. We then came to an agreement that I would play until March and reevaluate then. I called my mother as soon as I got in the car to tell her what had happened. She said “oh shoot Megan, I just called the piano man!” That woman is out of control.

Considering how the year really started I had some pretty good results at the beginning. Mallory Cecil and I won a doubles tournament, got to the finals of another and I got the the quarters of singles event. I think part of the reason I did was well is because I got to see my old team mate Klauds who lives in London. Kevin and I both stayed with her a few days before we went to Wrexham, Whales (the first tournament I played). I was able talk to her about the things that I spoke to Kevin and my mom about without feeling judged or like I had to watch my words. I could tell her exactly how I felt and that was really important before I started playing. One never realizes how much someone means to you until you see them after you haven’t seen them in a while. This is how I felt about seeing Klauds.

After our European tour I came back to the states to play a 100K in Midland, Michigan. I had a week off leading up to the tournament so I got to practice in Michigan and spent some quality time with my mother and sister. I practiced hard to get ready for the tournament. In terms of my tennis game I was ready, but my head was not. The morning of my match I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My mom and sister were coming to watch me play and I was so nervous. My mom comes to watch me play about once a year and I just wanted to show her how much better I had gotten. I had no clue know how to channel my nervous energy, it just turned into rage.

I got up to a quick 5-0 lead, playing pretty solid tennis. I was using the backhand patterns we had been working on. I was coming in and making great decisions. I was doing all the right things, but something did not feel right. The perfect execution felt empty. I failed to mention that for the first part of the set the girl could not hit the broad side of a barn. As soon as she started to make a few more balls I completely froze. As she loosened up I could not hit one ball in the court. I felt like I had no control over my body, I even started to hyperventilate. It was bad. I think I only won one other game the entire match. I felt like the biggest embarrassment, not to only myself, but my mother, my sister and Kevin. In fact after I had calmed down a little bit and I stopped crying my mother asked me if I was embarrassed and I said yes. She then said well good you should have been and then she proceeded to laugh hysterically! Do not worry she smiled and gave me a hug right after that. You just have to know my mother...:)

Doubles was decent. I played with Monique Adamczak (Polish I think.) We lost second round to the number 2 or 3 seeds (Meghan Shaughnessy whose career high doubles ranking is 4 and Monica Niculescu who is currently ranked 29 in doubles) 6-7, 5-7. Singles was a disaster but at least I had doubles.

We had to high tail it to Surprise, Arizona so that I could make it for the qualifying of a 25K. I remember there was bad weather that weekend. I was not sure if we were going to make it. We had to drive back to Monroe-where my mom lives to return her car, rent a new car, drive 6 hours to Pittsburgh, spend the night at a hotel in the airport, and wake up for a 6am flight to Arizona. I barely made it for sign in. Billie Lipp the USTA supervisor looked at me and said you look like you have been up all night! Mind you she was just teasing me because I emailed her and told her that I might not make it.

I obviously had to play singles the next day and the disaster just continued. I won the first set 6-1, however, I struggled to win any points after that. In both singles matches, after I got up to such big leads in the beginning, I knew at some point it was going to all come crumbling down. And both times it did. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I made those things happen. I did not know how to get myself out of the mental rut that I had gotten myself into.

While I was in England at the beginning of the year I strained my right hamstring. I did not think much of it. I had strained the left hamstring back in the fall of 2008 in Georgia. It was nagging, but it did not prevent me from doing anything. I thought the right was going to be the same. During warm up before my singles match in Arizona I told Kevin my hamstring is not feeling right. He said, “Meg you know if it is not feeling good then don’t play.” Of course, knowing myself and my captain save the planet mentality, I said, “Of course I can play.” In retrospect I probably should not have played. By the time doubles rolled around I could barely push of my right leg. When I served and volleyed I only got in two steps inside the base line. Needless to say, doubles was also a hot mess. Not even the great Mallory Cecil could do anything to help.

We took a week off to practice and get our new training base-Charlottesville, Virginia- established. At that point Kevin and I were thinking the hamstring just needed a couple of days and it would be ready to rock and roll. We did light training and a lot of toss ball with minimal movement. Next tournament I was off to Louisiana. Home state of my old teammate Megan Muth. We even stayed in the town where she grew up! She was upset that I did not tell her sooner-that is not one of my finer skills.

My hamstring was still not feeling right, but the trainer who was in Arizona was also in Louisiana and she thought that trying a different type of tape might help. I think she called the tape job an upload, no wait a reload, no no no that’s not it, maybe a download? I do not know what kind of load it was, but whatever it was it worked some magic. Every time the tape was on I felt like nothing was wrong with me. It allowed me to play/do acrobats the way that I usually do with virtually no pain. It was awesome!

While the taped helped the physical pain I still had to deal with the emotional battle of getting though a tennis match. Maybe the tape helped my brain too because the singles was much better. I still lost first round of qualifying but I played better. I played like an athlete. I was flowing and letting my athletic genius come out. I also had a much better attitude. Kevin was slightly irritated because I did not start perfectly, but I am not perfect. In the end I think we both agreed that it was much better than it had been in the past couple of tournaments and I should be proud of the progress. Doubles was just ok. I played with Monique Adamczak again. We won one and lost one. Nothing to really write home about.

I did not make it for singles of the next event in Clearwater, Florida because I went to Richmond, Virginia over the weekend of qualifying for the event to accept a CAA Silver Star award. The top 25 athletes over the past 25 years were chosen to receive the Silver Star honor. And it was a great honor because the 25 of us were chosen from a pool of over 50,000 other student-athletes. I got to share this incredible moment with some of the most important people in my life. The usuals were there-Courtney, my mother, Natasha, Kevin- but there were also some special people that came including, my dad, Shirley Williams and Courtney’s parents. Shirley Williams was the cutest of them all. She had a special silver star actually made into a necklace for me. I think she was more honored to be there and to be apart of the celebration more than anyone else. Having her there was one of the highlights of the weekend.

Due to the Silver Star award weekend, I could only play doubles in Clearwater, which was probably a good thing because my hamstring was not doing well at all and for some reason the tape job was no longer working. I used the common method of Facebook to find a partner. I managed to snag a good one. Yulia Fedossova from France. We looked like Mutt and Jeff. She is about 6’2 and we all clearly know how little I am. The match went much like the singles matches in Michigan and Arizona. I am not quite sure what happened, but it was BAD. We won the first set 6-1 and then we struggled to get another game.

The next morning after the match, I went to the trainer so that she could look at my hamstring. She said that I needed to see a doctor. The doctor so nicely told me that I need to get off of the tennis court before I had a career ending injury... I obviously did not take those words lightly and I have been doing just that.

It seems as though every time I surrender and start to enjoy playing tennis again I get injured. It happened last year at Stanford and again this past month. Who knows what it means. I am just trying to get through all of this a little stronger, a little wiser and with fewer freak/stress out moments. I have be practicing lightly, working out, rehabbing but I am ready to play a match. I think I am finally going to have the chance to do that. I am leaving for Dothan, Alabama on Sunday to play doubles only. And then I will come back to Charlottesville to play a 50K and then possibly Indian Harbor. I have to play the last one by ear and see how the hammy holds up.

For those of you who are in the Virginia area and want to come out to watch me play the week that I am in Charlottesville I will post something on my blog Saturday April 24 (Happy future birthday Natalie) around 8pm as soon as I know what time I play and where. Wish me luck and send warm light to my right hamstring! Until next time...

It is a New Year

2010-01-19T17:04:00.005-05:00

Where the football players train.

My big come back was supposed to be in Phoenix Arizona at a 50K. I decided to go there early to train at this place called Athelets' Performance. Kevin knows the guy who started what is now a branch of training facilities for professional athletes. This place was awesome-they had the best athletic trainers, athletic nutritionists and fitness coaches. Everything that an athlete might need or want was there. I walked in and felt like I was back in college, expect for the fact that everyone in the building was busting it. All of people in there were there to work hard, trying to achieve the same thing—greatness. That kind of energy rubs of on you. It was an inspirational experience. I wanted to work hard, go after it. I couldn't get enough of it.

I had only planned on going training there for a week and then getting ready to play the tournament the next week, however, we—Kevin, the trainers and I—made a collective decision to not play the tournament because my ankle was still hurting a lot. The trainers suggested maybe I should just play doubles and not singles, but I decided playing doubles would not help if I should be off my foot. The second week I was in Arizona I saw the third orthopedic surgeon, this one was a foot specialist. He ordered an MRI to see if there my foot had gotten worse. In fact it hadn't, it had gotten better. I left the doctors office feeling like an idiot. Was I making up this pain in my head, why didn't it show up on the MRI? I felt as though I was wasting everyone's time. I immediately thought I should have played last weekend. Anyhow doc gave me a cortisone shot and said to have at it. He said I can't hurt myself so I am clear to play as many hours and I can!

With that behind me I stayed in Arizona a few more days before I left for France. I was there playing club tennis. World Team Tennis is the closest thing to French Club tennis. Various clubs buy WTA and AT players to play for their team and compete against other club in the hopes of winning the national championship. Another friend of Kevin's is a recruiter—a French guy who helps European players like former team mate Carmen get to American Colleges or he helps clubs find players. Anyway he emailed Kevin and said he heard that Kevin was working with an American player and wants to know if I was interesting in playing. Kevin emailed me immediately and said this is an opportunity I cannot turn down… and I didn't.

Upon arrival I was told that I would be playing one for my team. Not something that I am not used to. However, after they told me that that would be my position they showed me the list of the other players who would be playing one for other teams… Alize Cornet who is ranked 50 in the world, Aravane Rezai ranked 26 in the world, Amelie Mauresmo, well we all know who she is. So this is just to name a few of the players! At first I was like you have got to be kidding me, but after a while my attitude changed. It was more along the lines of this is one of the biggest opportunities. When is the next time that I am going to be able to play a match against such caliber players? Well it won't happen again until I get my stuff together!

The first week in France was probably the toughest week that I have had traveling in a while. When I got to France I had this overwhelming feeling of home sickness. I had already been gone for two weeks and at that point it would be another 5 weeks before I would get home again. I couldn't sleep and wasn't eating very much. I am staying with a lovely woman who belongs to the club that I was playing for. She had a beautiful home and was extremely kind to me. She went out of her way to make me comfortable, however for some reason I shouldn't shake the stump. I had incessant thoughts running through my head and I felt as though I had no control. It was on the morning of the 20th that I made the DECISION to control my thoughts. I had to accept that fact that this is what was going on right now—fighting it or looking into the future was not helping me. In fact it was driving me nuts. I had to make a conscious effort to change my thoughts and emotions. Of course all of this happened after my mother and my aunt yelled at me and told me to get over myself! Of course I got defensive when they yelled at me. I owe it to them for bringing it to my attention, but I must give myself credit for making the change. Right after I gained that perspective I felt like a million bucks, but I had to fight to keep this perspective—it is a choice that has to be made every second of everyday.

During the week I practiced with some of the guys who train at the club. They are great players and I benefitted from practicing with men. There were just some huge cultural differences. Their whole attitude is less frantic and panicked, in my opinion there has to be balance between that and having a crazy intense busting your behind practice. They also like to use the court as their changing room. One of the guys I was hitting with wanted to put his shorts on and stripped into his tidy whiteys and changed right in front of me! That must be the norm because when I had a perplexed look on my face he asked what was wrong with me. In my head I was thinking nothing but what is wrong with you!?!?!?!

There are three Spanish girls and a French girl on my team. The French girls who's name is Julie is a teacher and only practices two times a week. Having said that, she plays really well given the fact that she practices so little. She is very quiet, matter of fact and gets down to business. She is a no non sense kind of person, unlike the Spanish girls-Maite, Gabriela, and Mathilde—who are lively, energetic enthusiastic, but less intense about everything. A little bit more laid back but that also means on the tennis court…

We played our first match on Sunday November 22nd against a team called Levallois-which is right outside of Paris. Other teams have a 9 person roster so you never know who you are going to play. I was praying that I was going to get to play Aravane Rezai, while the other girls were hoping that she wasn't going to show up. They couldn't believe the smile on my face when I saw her on Sunday morning. They all kept calling me crazy, but I was pumped, ready to go and maybe a little too fired up. I got up to a 1-0 lead and the second game she hit an approach shot to my forehand and came it. I ran over to the forehand side with authority and buggy whipped a cross court forehand passing shot (never done that before) and screamed ALLER (lets go in French) really loudly. I got no response, the room was silent you could have heard a pin drop, … I think I was a little too excited.

She won the match 6-2, 6-2. I played brilliantly at times during the match. I was serving and volleying, going after my shots, hitting my returns, trying to come in as much as possible. There were times when I was in her head and in the match, but then she would take it up a level. I would hit what I thought was the best serve of my life flat out wide on the ad side and as I split stepped out of the serve she had already hit a backhand down the line winner. I mean it was nasty. She had the ability to just step it up another level when she needed to. I couldn't match that level, or at least I can't yet. One thing that, that match taught me was that I am moving in the right direction. I just have a lot more work to do. In the end she out played me.

Kevin arrived after I had already been there for a week and a half on the Wednesday before we played our next match. I don't think I had ever been so happy to see him. It was nice to see a familiar face and to get some help. We tackled some major serve issues and for Sundays match I felt golden.

When I woke up Sunday morning to play our match, as usual I was a little nervous. We were playing at home. I knew there was going to be a big crowd. I wanted to play well and represent the club well. When I arrived at the club the Spanish girls decided we were going to play tennis soccer for warm up and I immediately loosened up. I was smiling relaxed and having fun. Essentially I stopped taking myself so seriously. I feel like I say these things all the time, but the attitude always seems fleeting.

Julie and I with the kids from the club.

We were playing the Paris racing club. This team has won the championship for the past two years mind you they brought their second string team and still expected to beat us 6-0. In singles I played Camile Pin. At one point she was ranked as high as 67, now is ranked 150 something, but she is ranked 9th in France. I was informed prior to going on that she did not hit as hard as Rezai so there would be longer points. They failed to tell me that she has surgeon like accuracy and impeccable timing. However, her game is better suited for someone like a Russian who fires balls at her. She had a little bit of trouble with my high low game.

I served well, had zero double faults. That is unheard of for me. I returned well and for once I was hitting out on the ball trying to come in and put some pressure on her. I did all of these things so well until 4-1 in both sets. At that point I lost focus, rather my focus was on the future—I am going go win I am going to win—rather than staying in the now. The first set I was able to catch myself a little faster. However in the second it spiraled out of control. I found myself racing through the points just letting this feeling take control of me. At 4-4 I took a step back talked to myself and I changed my thoughts. I said Megan just have fun the world isn't going to end if you don't win or loose this lead. Just let go, relax, swing out go for it have fun. At that moment although I was still nervous something changed. My body complied with my thoughts. I let go, I started to enjoy the moment. I used cognitive redirection and changed my thought which in turn had a direct effect on my body. I am sure I have done it before, but this is the first time I have noticed the change at the moment. It is like I stepped outside of myself and was watching from somewhere else. It was a pretty powerful experience.

There was so much excitement; the crowd was going crazy after the match there was a buzz. I had to do an interview on the local television station in French…YIKES. I am sure that I butchered their language, but at least I tried. Wait did I just win the French Open? I think NOT. Come back down to earth Megan! I still had a doubles match to play against Camile Pin and Marie-Eve Peltier… I wasn't ready I was still on cloud nine from singles. It was only in the second set that I began to play real doubles. We lost… but played well. However that should have been a huge lesson. How about not letting the wins sweep me on an all time high and the losses take me into a deep depression. Is there a middle ground?? There has to be some middle ground. How about focusing on the now the present? That is the only thing that can keep me sane and in the middle ground—I just finished the book New Earth, talks about being in the now, awakening awareness inner peace, it is an incredible book.

Just a picture I like of a Czech mail carrier.

After playing the match we had a team dinner and then Kevin, the Spanish girls and I were all driven to Nantes. We spent the night at a hotel close to the airport. Kevin and I were off to Prerov, Czech Republic to play a 25k. Equipped with my new mindset from the book I am thinking because I am in the now the world is just going to unfold for me the way I want it. Well did I have another thing coming. We arrived in Prague I had no bags, no racquets, no shoes, or clothes. I had nothing. We got in to Prague late so we decided to spend the night there wait for the bags and leave in the morning. Morning came still no bags. At this point Kevin was freaking out. I had confidence that it was going to unfold the way it is meant to. We decided that we will find a store buy some clothes and shoes and I was going to play with his racquet. We set off on the 3 hour journey to Prerov. I was feeling filled with optimism about the tournament, and my bags. When we get there, there was a store at the tennis center. I bought a pair of shoes and an outfit to play in the next day. I hit with his racquet I was feeling great, filled with optimism. Went back to the hotel washed my clothes in the sink so that I would have "clean" clothes for the next day. I went to sleep feeling great!

The next morning I woke up put on my "clean" clothes and got ready. My bags were down stairs! They came late last night. My optimism was not unwarranted. I warmed up; I was playing the best of my life. I was excited to play. The time is winding down. It is show time. I was still feeling great, and optimistic. Match starts she is popping ace after ace, left hand forehand winner after winner. All that could go through my head is ahhhhhhhhhhh ok well next point, every point is independent of the last. Fight, stay in the present, now you can do this. I was having the mental talk that so often I don't have. I was mentally engaged in the match, but that didn't correspond to my body. My mind was saying these things, but my legs were not moving. The match was over in less than an hour. I could say it was bad, but there is really no point. It is what is was, now it is time to move on and get back on the process of getting better. We returned to France the next day and left to go to Grenoble for the next club match.

I was slated to play Polona Hercog who at the time was ranked around 80. I had seen her name a lot of places, but I had never actually seen her before. It seemed like she was 7 feet tall. We must have looked ridiculous standing next to each other. She played like a man, no backhand, huge forehand and she ran around everything. Given the fact that she is so tall it is obvious that she had a huge serve that she used at key moments like when I was up 15-40 in multiple game and she would serve bombs to get out of trouble. I lost the match 7-5, 6-3 I think… Even though I lost I felt like things were starting to come together with my game. I not only competed against people ranked in the top hundred, but at points in the match I was dominating play. I was matching her from the ground, coming in and putting pressure on her. I played very well.

I had to play doubles with one of the Spanish girls and we played against a Hercog and another girl who is ranked in the top 100. When the match first started I was feeling really sorry for myself. Here I am playing against these two girls who are obviously solid players and I felt like I had a handicap. Nothing against the Spanish girl, however, she no longer competes at that level on a regular basis. Anyway I started the match my head was hanging. I felt defeated. All of a sudden something clicked in my head. This scenario happens a lot and whenever I get off the court Kevin says if you know your partner isn't good enough then I need to take control of the point, help her out don't just leave her out to dry. Make sure she doesn't touch a ball. I did it! It was as though he was talking in the back of my head take over the court Meg, take over the court. I was flying through the court like a crazy person. I was all over the place. In the last game we got down 40-15 because I clamed up and got scared and then again the switch went off and I went crazy again! Literally at 40-15 in my head I said "Noooooooooooo. Must take over the court. Don't leave her out to dry, you must help your partner." I think you had to be in my head to get the full effect. We lost the match like 7-5, 7-5 but that was huge for me to know that I can do that. I can play with anyone and win as long as I have that same sort of attitude.

We had a week until the last match in Paris. The week went by much faster because I was so happy that I was leaving in a week to go home. On our second to last night my French mother and a few people from the club had a good bye dinner for us. We had a 4 hour racqulette dinner! Everyone thinks the French are anti Americans and very rude, but that couldn't be further from the truth. This woman didn't have to take us in, but she did and was an excellent host.

Our final match was played in Paris. I warmed up before my match and knew it was going to be a good match. I was by far playing the best tennis of my life… I played a Stephanie Foretz who is ranked 163. I lost 6-4, 4-6, 7-6. It was a great match. One of us would get a lead and look like we were going to pull away, but the other person would not give up. There was a lot of grinding, running, and fist pumps. I cannot be mad at that loss I played well and fought hard.

Part of the reason I think I played so well in France is because there was no pressure. We were the worst team in the league and no one was expecting us to win any matches—we only actually won the one that I beat Camile Pin… whether I won or lost I was getting paid. That was a huge burden released.

If someone told me in June that I would end my year having toe to toe matches with players ranked that high I would have told them that they need to be on serious medication. But it happened. That was me out there playing those matches. I had a great ending to a horrible year.

My last blog was written quite a long time ago and was quite grim… I was going through a low point in my life. I was dealing with a disappointing year of tennis, a nagging injury, and clearly, a difficult break up. I have committed to giving tennis my all for as long as I continue to play. My injury is still nagging, but I know that I am not going to harm myself so I have to accept that and deal with the pain. I have worked out the issues that I had in my relationship and that too is back on track and moving in a positive direction.

Right now I am on a train on my way to play a 10K in Wrexham Wales. Hopefully I can start 2010 the way that I finished 2009 year. Wish me luck. Until next time…. Who knows when that will be ; )

Good and bad news.

2009-09-23T12:29:00.001-04:00

I am so happy that I made the decision to play Quebec. I needed to play that tournament for my confidence. I have been working so hard—Kevin and I have really tackled some core issues in my game over the past two months and finally I know it is starting to pay off. I can hit a tennis ball! I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that I can run over to my forehand side and know that I am not going to shank it to the next court. That is empowering. I had been doing it so well in practice, but I wasn’t sure that I there was going to be able to do it a match.

Guess what???? I did and I have it on DVD to prove it—I will be watching that everyday! I got a very good first round match. A WC from Canada who is young and don’t think has played very many WTA tournaments. She was on the couch with her shoes off about 2 minutes before we had to play. Anyway I needed that match. I was so nervous I couldn’t hit a return to save my life. I served and volleyed at least two times a game, came in as much as possible to try and avoid hitting ground strokes. I went into the match thinking that I would use the match to work on some things that we have been working on in practice. When Kevin came on the court at set break he said “I know you are nervous, but you are not going to lose this match so just relax and starting hitting out and try to work on some things.” Of course I am sitting there wide eyed “ok Kev.” nodding my head like a little excited puppy. I missed a few, but I was swinging which is what I needed. I made it through the match. Winning ugly is a part of the game too.

On Sunday I played Marie-eve Pelletier (this is the match I have on DVD.) To be honest I didn’t think I was going to win this match. She is a really good player who has had a good past few months. My goals for the match were to have fun, focus on my routines, swing out and practice the controlled aggression that we have been working on. Obviously when you are nervous it is a little harder to do that, but that was another thing that I was going to work on during the match. I had to fight the nerves. Kevin said something to me before that match that had a huge impact. He was talking about me fighting my nervous reaction to push and scamper. He said if you are going to lose, lose working on the things that we have been working on, don’t lose another match because you get tight and freeze. He said this isn’t just about this one match it is about your future. That is what got me—I worry about one match at a time, but if I want to reach my potential I have to start moving forward making progress, changing my reactions. I did! I far exceeded my expectations.

The first set was not the best. I was swinging out and actively fighting my nerves. Half way into the first set Kevin ran down on the court and said “Megan I hope you know you are playing your best tennis. You are missing a little and she is just a little more solid than you are right now. If you just clean up the errors then you can do this.” Again I nodded my excited head and said “ok Kev.” The clean up didn’t quite happen that set, but it got a little better towards the end.

It all started at the beginning of the second set. The feet started moving which meant I started making fewer errors even though I was still swinging out and going for my shots. As all of this was happening she started to unravel. She started missing a lot more and shortly after that the yells and racquet banging began. Once I saw that I knew I was in the match. I got up to a fast 4-1 lead. On that change over Kevin came out and once again confirmed that I was doing really well. I had put myself in a position to win and now I needed to believe that I could win. I had to know that I had worked hard and I deserved to win. I had to demand it of myself and expect nothing less. Of course after all of this I lost the next three games making it 4-4. I didn’t let that hold me back I went after it. Either I was going to win the set or lose it might as well go for it right? I came up big and won the next two games easily.

You would have thought that, that was for the match. Nope that was only for the second set. I had another set to go before I could claim victory. To be honest I can’t say that I remember much about the third set. I know it was a grind and that Kevin came on court at some point. I also know for a fact that I won the last point.

Winning that match put me in the last round of qualies of a WTA. That was my first time every winning a match at a WTA let alone getting to the last round of qualies. You see how this kind of thinking can really kill your flow? That is exactly what happened. I psyched myself out. I got all wrapped up in the philosophical nonsense that I seemed to get trapped in. For a day I went away from being utterly excited about getting better and playing good tennis. The next day that all showed in my game. I played as though I was being held back. While I played much better than I have been playing, I didn’t have the same care free happy to be out there attitude. I wanted to win so badly that it stopped me from doing just that. I lost the match 7-6 7-6. I played a girl from Switzerland who was about 7 feet tall and had a serve that could back up her some times lax play. She served well when it mattered so I must give credit where credit is due.

The reason why I wanted to play the tournament was mainly because of doubles. I was so upset that I didn’t get into doubles at the Open. I watched the doubles and was less than impressed. I decided that I am much better than what I was seeing. I also decided that I need to just start taking control of the court and using all my god given talent. I have said that I have made that decision many times when in fact I just tell myself that, but my actions speak louder than words.

This was another one of those times where my actions spoke louder than words. I played doubles with Christina Fusano. We drew the first seeds to play first round—Vania King and Barbora Zahalova Strycova. I was very excited because I again had every intention of taking it to them and showing them who was boss. I started the match doing exactly that. We got up to a 3-1 lead. We played two really bad games at 3-1 and 4-2 both on our serves. That was our time to take over, to squeeze the grip that we had on them. Instead on my service game at 4-2 I missed 2 easy volleys just because I got tight and stopped moving my feet. The old “I can’t do it Megan” had crept in. I am not going to beat myself up over it. I can’t do too much about it now. I will give myself a pat on the back for coming out there at the beginning ready to take it to them. I was the best player on the court at the start so that is something to be proud of. I also managed to make a huge turn around in the second set. I changed my attitude in the second. I was ready to take it to them again and began to play with that insanity, but it was too late. They started to play really well. In the end they won because they played better for the majority of the match and they believed that they should win and we didn’t.

Something kind of neat happened when I was in Quebec. I have been playing with these new Vantage racquets. You should check out the site—vantagetennis.com they are a brand new company out of England. They are custom made sticks. If any of you guys are tennis buffs, know your specs and can’t quite find a racquet that you want on the market you can make your own racquet. If you don’t know what you want they can send demos. The person who manages all of the states side sales came out and watched me hit and based on what he saw he suggested a racquet that would be good for me. It is very different than anything I have ever played with. It has a lot more weight which makes my hand feel like it just moves through the ball. When I first started playing with it I was so used to muscling the ball and trying so hard to get any pace behind my ball. You can’t do that with these racquets. You get more out of the racquet when you are relaxed and fluid. Anyway there is no way to describe how it feels you have to try it out yourselves, but trust me when I say it is something to experience. The point of all this was to tell you that someone actually knew the company!!! This is the first time that that has ever happened and it was very exciting. The stringers said “oh this is an English based company that custom makes racquets.” Normally people ask to see the racquet and ask what the heck it is… It was really exciting to me, but you probably needed to be there.

My mom told me I should share the candid version of my life which is the fact that I am wearing a boot to help my foot, but I also got the boot… My girlfriend of almost 3 years dumped me. So while I am suffering through physical pain for the next 6 weeks I will also be mending my aching heart. I just keep trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. Life goes on and in time I will get through both of my pains. Please send me your best, but don’t send pity because that won’t help. What I need is strength and courage!

I will keep you updated as to when I will back out there hitting and playing again. Until next time…

I Surrender To My Slump

2009-09-09T21:51:00.003-04:00

First let’s do a little recap. After the WTA at Stanford I went to Vancouver to play a 75K. I lost first round of singles—it was a tough three set match. I came up just short again, but at least I was not running from anything. I was in the matches, I was dealing with my nerves and trying to find ways to not let them take over. I put my foot down and said enough is enough. I know that these mental challenges that I am working through are not just going to be fixed over night. Just like working on a serve or a forehand they take months and years to get better. Anyway long story short I am doing all that I can so now I just have to sit back and wait until it all comes together.

Doubles to me is a different story! In Vancouver I played with Christina Fusano and we got to the semifinals. Our first match was against a hard hitting Anna Tatishvili (who I used practice with at Everts when she was the tiniest thing) and a crafty Jorgelina Cravero. I thought we were in some serious trouble, however, our two up doubles skills were too much for them to handle.

In the quarters we played Mashona Washington and Yi Chen—that was the same team that Mallory and I crunched in Boston. I walked into that match thinking we would win for sure, but I knew it would not be as easy as it was in Boston. I had another thing coming. Mashona had a look in her eyes like “you did it once and I am not going to let you do it again.” The match came down to a third set breaker 11-9 in our favor. There is no way for me to convey to you on paper
what happened in that match. It was a battle. There were grunts and screams thrown around the court; it was intense. I walked off the court feeling shocked and spent.

I think we left all of our juice in the quarterfinal match because we were off the next day. We played Madison Brengle and Lilia Osterloh. They played well but Christina and I were off and there was really no helping that so we lost 6-2 6-2.

There were two weeks in between Vancouver and the qualies of the Open. It was time to get ready for NYC. I hurt my ankle in Standford—I slipped in the shower…who does that?-- so that was a great opportunity to get it checked out. Courtney’s mom called and got me an appointment the day after she called. Of course she had to tell the doctor that I am a professional tennis player and I needed to be seen right away because I needed to know what was wrong before I played the Open. Wait did I say I was playing the Open? Who was I kidding? I was 12 out of the quailes of the Open at that time. He did not need to know that :). I usually don’t like to tell people what I do, however, I have decided I might start using that card more often. I got to sign the MRI machine and got the CD of my MRI within minutes. I really enjoyed the star treatment. It stinks that the star treatment did not help my foot at all. I ended up being diagnosed with a bone bruise that I have to nurse back to recovery.

I went to NYC the Sunday before qualies started to get settled in. I stayed with my Aunt Shirley and my sister Natalie so it was great to have family time. On Tuesday morning Kevin and I took the train into Flushing, walked around to the President’s gate, and walked into the player services office to sign in. This was something that I was all too familiar with doing from last year. In fact when I walked into the office they all greeted me because they remembered
me from last year. I walked to the desk to look at the list to sign in only to see that I was eight out! A feeling of disbelief, embarrassment and sadness came over my body. How was it that last year when I went to sign in I was one out and ranked 500 in the world and this year at 240 everyone comes to sign in and I was 8 out. Kevin was so disappointed that he just went back to the city immediately. He did not want to be there. I stayed waited for my aunt and some
of my old William and Mary friends to come and ended up spending the day there with them.

At that point even though I had one more day to sign in it was clear to me that I was not going to get into singles. Now all I had was doubles. Mallory Cecil and I asked for a WC. At first I thought there is no way that we are going to get it. Mallory was already getting a WC in the main of singles and mixed doubles. And I have never gotten a WC from the USTA into any major events. Then I looked at the list of people who were asking for the WC and started to feel
like we had a chance. There were people on the list that we had beaten as a team, some that we had lost to. If you looked at the list from purely a tennis stand point in my opinion we should have been one of the 7 WCs.

I was also invited to the US Open player party. I have never been invited to that so I thought it meant something special. Natasha, Shirley and I all looked at the email invitation and saw that it was sent to 2009 Maindraw Players Only. Here I am thinking that the decision had been made, and we for sure must have gotten the WC. The USTA was finally going to give me my chance.

Early Saturday morning I got a text from Mallory saying we should know sometime on Saturday. Turns out that only 4 of the 7 WC’s were named on that day and of course we weren’t one of them. We had to wait until Sunday. Saturday felt like the longest day of my life. Sunday at 12:30 I got a text from Mal saying that we were first alternates on the WC list. I can’t even tell you what it felt like when I got that text message. I was on the verge of tears the whole day. I couldn’t help but think why me? Why do I never get the opportunity to play, to represent our country in the biggest tournament that we have? Why don’t I get a chance? I had worked so hard all year for this tournament. It had been my goal for the past 12 months…

Anyway I got over feeling sorry for myself really quickly. I can’t expect anyone to hand anything to me, and I certainly cannot blame anyone for the fact that I didn’t get to play in the Open. It is up to me to create my own destiny. If I want to play in the Open then I am going to have to make it happen for myself.

Like I said last year, being there and not getting to play add fuel to my fire. I saw some of the doubles that was played at the Open and I know I am just as good if not better than what I saw. Being there and not being given anything just made me want it even more.

On Friday I leave to play a WTA in Quebec and I am going to put my heart and soul into it. One because I am feeling inspired and ready to prove something to myself, but more importantly because this might be the last tournament I play for a while because of my foot. So I am not going down without a fight. Wish me luck!

Until next time…

Greetings from California!

2009-07-27T00:11:00.002-04:00

I am going to save us all the agony of reliving the past few weeks… However, I will tell you that there have been ups and downs—unfortunately a few more downs than ups:(

Due to the fact that the downs have been more frequent than the ups we have a wonderful new addition to our team, a sports psychologist. Natasha did a search online to find a sports psychologist in the Washington DC area and we stumbled upon a woman who played college tennis, coached tennis and who has worked with tennis players. Needless to say that it was a great fit.

She immediately noticed that I had bad anxiety and for whatever reasons felt a lot of pressure. During our first meeting I did not say much, but it seemed like she knew me. She suggested that focusing on an in between point routine would help to relieve a lot of the anxiety that I was feeling. The hope was that my mind would so occupied by doing the routine that I would have time to think about anything else. She also suggested that we start keeping all sorts of stats during the match I can see and have evidence of the progress that make so that I have something to hang my hat on.

I played the bank of the west tournament this weekend and lost first round of qualies. However, I can honestly say that I got better. By focusing on my routines I was able to release a lot of the panic that I usually have. Was it all gone? Absolutely not, but at least I could follow very concrete steps to help me relax.

Everyone marvels about the fact that I have this great physic and I am so toned and muscular. Has anyone ever thought about what happens when someone who is as compact as I am gets tight? It is like trying to ask a tree stump to get lose! I never realized it until this past week how hard it is to play tennis when I am so tight. When I get nervous it gets even worse. These routines/relaxing techniques may be more important than I think.

Today on July 27, 2009 I had the great opportunity to play a practice match against Cara Black. I hope everyone knows who she is, but if you don’t I will be glad to tell you. She is the number one doubles player in the world!!!!!! On the ride over to the practice courts I had a vision that I was going to poop my pants or vomit on myself because I was so nervous! It all worked out in the end. Like I told Natasha, Cara double faulted like the rest of us, hit returns to the fence like the rest of us, she is just like the rest of us. Well maybe not like all of us—the only person I can speak for is myself, and I know I can hang with her. I am in the right place, doing the right things if I give it time it will come.

Until next time…!

We went hiking at Yosemite. Does not get much prettier than this.

Oi bom dia--hi good morning in Portuguese. I learn a new phrase every week!

2009-06-21T14:08:00.006-04:00

After a grueling 40 hours—we spent 10 of the hours waiting in the Fortaleza airport due to the fact that we missed our connecting flight in the morning—of travel we safely arrived in Brazil. As my mother said it is a little weird that we have travelled all this way to only be one hour behind eastern standard zone.

I have been to Brazil two other time, however, I don’t remember it being like this. We were in a city called Belem which is in the north east of the country. It was a little dirty, seemed to be a lot poorer than the other areas that I have been be to. On the first night that we were there it took us roughly 30 minutes to find food which is never a good thing!

To save money Kevin and I usually share a room, but it was not happening this week. As we were checking in Kevin noticed a picture of the room. I took one look at it and said no way… there was a bunk bed above the big bed. The shower was kind of like an outdoor shower with just a glass door. I just couldn’t do that to myself. Had the rooms been more than $40 a day we would have been out of luck. Thank God for third world countries.

The club where the tournament was held was like an inspiration to me. There was a pool, fitness room, basketball courts, volleyball courts, soccer fields, three different restaurants, and tennis courts obviously! At night and on the weekends the club was pack. Families spent the whole day there either playing or socializing. Every field or court was occupied, and people would run from one sport to the next. It was amazing to see everyone outside being active. It was one giant community. This is what needs to happen in America. What a way to get fit—to do it as a group, know that other people are doing it with you. What a sense of community the Brazilians have.

I played doubles with a girl name Ana-Clara Duarte. We played our first doubles match on Monday. My thought was that I am in Brazil playing a 25K, to my knowledge there are not many great players here so I should be able to just crush people. Turns out my thoughts were wrong (the players are good they just don’t have enough money to travel very far so their rankings are not as good.) We won out first set 6-3 and then as usual the match took an ugly turn. We had one match point on a no add point at 6-5. Our opponent hit a great serve, my partner barely got it over and I sat there while the net girl stabbed at the ball. It all happened in slow motion. The net girl gabbed at it and it barely went over—had I not be on my heals then I could have gotten the ball. During the last few points of the second set it started to drizzle and then turned into a full on rain. We had to stop at 1-1 in the tie breaker. Did I mention that it rains everyday here? At around 4pm like clock work. Weird I know… anyway they moved us indoors if you can call is that and we won the tie breaker thank goodness.

On Tuesday I had the honor of playing both singles and doubles. I thought for sure I would have more fans, because I had on my brazil outfit—green skirt, yellow top—but it didn’t work out in my favor. Turns out that no matter how much you smile and say Obrigado (thank you in Portuguese) they are going to cheer for their fellow country woman! I quieted them down with a few killer backhand passing shots, but when it got tight it didn’t really matter. I played a solid first set won it 6-2. Lost my serve on the first game of the second, but managed to regain control and fought my way back to 2-1. She had a great lefty serve and managed to win the next game at love. She got up 5-3 playing few lucky points and of course I got tight. At that point all I could tell myself was run and swing, run and swing. It worked!!!!!! I chased down every ball I could, tried to chip and charge to her backhand, and swing out on my forehand. I won the set 7-5! Go me, go me :)

I was again victorious today in doubles. We played two girls who were unranked, but they were really good. One was a little younger so I figured she would not handle pressure situations as well as the other one—I played the other girl in Augusta Georgia in the doubles match that I fell on my head. Anyway, we fired balls at the young one and she got them back with ease. It was not my partner’s best day. Usually when my partner doesn’t play well I just fold and go right down the tubes with them. Early in the second set I got really angry, not the anger that affects your play, the anger that turns you in a mean lean fighting machine! I took charge of the court. I was closing; popping overheads and screaming come on from the top of my lungs! It was great. I was afraid it was all going to come to a halt in the tie breaker, but this train was on a roll! I think we finished it 10-6 in the breaker. Go us, go us!

Wednesday was the hottest day I think I have ever played in my life. In the morning when Kevin and I were warming I was like “ahh wait a second. Why is it so hot outside?” During the match it only got worse. My opponent won the first set 6-2. She absolutely blew me out of the water, she didn’t miss one ball. Early in the second set I established that I was there for a battle. We had a few 20-30 ball rally’s were I was sliding around making screeching sounds with my shoes followed by a very loud and obnoxious “Come on.” Mid way through the second set she was hunched over looked like she was going to die—I thought she was going to retire. I was bouncing up and down trying to look as fit as possible. My goal was to show her that I was fitter than she was… I won the second set 6-3, but at 1-2 in the third it hit me. I think I tired myself out by trying to show her up! My feet started to burn, I got the chills, it was bad. I got down 2-4 and then finally thought “Enough of this. You have had enough time to rest you weak little thing it is time to get back in the match.” And so I did! Not quite as easily as I make it sound, but I won the match 7-6 in the third, 8-6 in the breaker. It was tough. After the match I was so out of it I went for a run—I never do that. Kevin saw me and said “what are you doing? Go sit down before you pass out!”

Thursday’s match was equally as tough… I barely won again. The score was 7-5, 5-7, 6-4. My opponent—a Peruvian girl who had one of those racquet back packs with two racquets sticking out—played very well and painted the lines for the majority of the match. I may have made that a little easier for her to do by hitting short balls up the middle of the court. She came out swinging and I got tight, instead of matching her intensity and swinging out with her. I resorted to my old play, push and run! However, she was on fire so that did really work. When I was down I would fight, use my legs, swing a little harder, but as soon as I got up I froze. Legs were as stiff as a board; I would miss early in the rally or give her a short ball that she would just crunch. Anyway let me put this into context, I won right? I have not been winning a lot so this is a blessing!

We play a very late doubles match that ended at 11.30 at night! I was so tired that my body just took over. It said to hell with you I know what to do and I am not going to let you get in my way. It was the most incredible thing ever. I played out of my mind. I actually got into peoples heads. I poached, I faked I was all over the court. The girl on the ad side couldn’t even hit a return because she was so freaked out by me. I should do that more often!

Doubles finals was set for Saturday, so I only had one match on Friday and it was 5pm match. Thank god because I couldn’t take any more sun, my neck was burning off. I knew from the warm up I was toast. I was irritable and feisty, but was trying to fake it. The match was no better than my warm up. I lost 6-3, 6-4. I felt helpless out there. It felt like nothing I tried worked. First I was massaging the ball, then I started on my full on attack which was very erratic. Kevin said I looked angry on the court. I didn’t feel angry. I might have been one of two thing—the fact that I had the whole of Brazil cheering against me. A more viable reason is that I had been playing all of my matches with some sort of anger, to try and change the response that I have been having, which was to feel sorry for myself. If what Kevin saw was correct, there is a chance that I was too angry and that anger wasn’t working for me because I had crossed the line. It must have gotten to the point where it was producing a negative affect instead of a positive one. Even if I did cross the line, I am please with the fact that I didn’t have the same sorry for myself response my fatigue. I changed something. Now I need to find a balance between the two. Tennis is all about trial and error.

Waking up at 640 am on Saturday morning was one of the toughest things, but when I turned on the television there was a really good song playing that cheered me right up! We lost the doubles match 7-6, 7-5, after having been up 5-2 in the second, but I can honestly say that I got better this week—particularly in doubles. I jumped in the fired, I got in peoples heads, I poached! That is a major accomplishment considering how I have been doing lately, so I am proud of myself.

We leave Belem at 650pm today, but I wont get to NYC until late tomorrow night. On Tuesday I have fly to Michigan and then drive to Waterloo Canada. Needless to say will have another crazy travel day, but I have to try and get some rest because I have to play Tuesday or Wednesday in Canada!!! Wish me luck

I have been meaning to write about this for weeks, but I now have a website! Who ranked 250 in the world would have website, but me:) Usually those are reserved for the best of the best, but we all know I like to do this a little differently! It is a vision of the future. You all should check it out—meganmoultonlevy.com. I think it is the best one out there. However, I may or may not have a biased opinion!
Until next time!

Life isn’t about what you achieve. It is about what you overcome.

2009-05-29T10:18:00.008-04:00

I guess it is obvious that I did not do well in Romania—gosh that seems so long ago… I lost my singles match 6-1 6-2! Yikes. I made 44 unforced errors… I don’t think I made that many errors in 4 years in college! No just kidding. My goal is to become an all court player. That requires taking more risks than I am used to taking. I have to just keep plugging away with the knowledge that one day it will all come together.

The more I lose, the more I start to think—that may be the reason why all the losses are occurring, but that is a different story! I keep trying to compare what happened between in college versus what is happening now. I would like to think that I have figured out why I did so well in college. One of the reasons is because I could get away with pushing and never having to assert myself. No one could hurt me. My speed was too big of a weapon.

However, a large part of why I did so well is because I didn't have to think for myself. Most of the time Kevin was on my court telling me exactly what to do and when to do it. Now I have to figure it out all by myself. This shouldn't be so hard right? For some reason it is… The fear of Kevin was greater than anything else. Without him standing behind me pushing me to cross the boundaries every point I am left to confront my own thoughts, that often have very little to do with the game. What I have proven is that my fear wins. My fear of stepping outside of my comfort zone trumps my attempts to change my reaction. I have to commit with every ounce of my being to change this. It is all very scary, but if I can do it the rewards will be great. It will pay off not only in my tennis, but also in life—considering tennis is only a microcosm of life.

The morning before my doubles match I woke up early to go and hit serves and returns to find a groove before the match. When I was walking back from the club, I couldn't help but to think that I was the luckiest person alive. I visit new countries almost once a month and I get to spend my days outside doing what I love. It might have been because the night before Kevin and I had a long discussion about how people are never satisfied. Who knows why, but I was just looking around and thinking how grateful I am to have to opportunity to do this. I have to thank my mother, Natasha and Kevin who are so greatly committed to helping me achieve my goals and live my dream. Not too many people get the chance to experience life, so I am thankful.

I lost my doubles match 6-1, 6-2 which was horrible and mortifying, but who cares! It does no good worrying about it. The more I think, the worse I get. The harder I try, the further away I get. As Jeff said in his comment on last weeks blog “maybe you need to stop worrying about losing and just go out there and let it fly.” This is my next challenge—to stop worrying so much and trying too hard, because they aren’t getting me any where. If I think about the times that I was playing my best tennis, I wasn’t beating myself up or trying to play perfectly or even trying to play a certain way. I was just in the moment. It was me and the ball that is it. As I have asked before how do I get there and remain there? I don’t know the answer, nor do I know how to get there, but I do know I am on a path that will take me there… eventually :)

I am in Raleigh right now. Because I am so close to Williamsburg I have had the luxury of seeing a few familiar faces. It is nice to feel like I am close home. I don’t play until Tuesday or Wednesday, but honestly all I hope is that I am at peace. Wish me luck I need it!

That was written a long time ago I just forgot to post it! So let me tell you what happened in Raleigh… It was not such a good time for me. I don’t quite know what I looked like when I was playing, but it wasn’t me. I took on the horrible attitudes and poor energy that is pervasive on the women’s tour. I was hanging my head, there was no fight. I had hit the point where I was not having fun out there.

Everything was getting to me; the losing, the travel, the fact that I live out of three bags. It had worn me down and I didn’t even know it. The week before I was thinking about how lucky I was and in a matter of few days I hated my life. I think it was due to fatigue.

Two good things happened in Raleigh. One was that Courtney was there with me. I guarantee that if she hadn’t been there it would have been worse. She takes the pressure off of me. I feel at ease knowing that she is in the stands watching. The other good thing was that although I lost my singles match it was actually a really good match. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I was swinging out hitting on my forehand. Trying to build and structure points. I won the first set and after I got up it all went away. The great thing is that for the first time I fought through it I didn’t give in to just pushing and getting the ball in. I may have hit the fence a few times because I was going to be big, but it is a different response right? :)

I finished playing in Raleigh on Thursday and our plan was to go and sign in for the French Open which started on the following Wednesday. Of course there was a minor hitch in the plan… I was 6 or 7 out of a WTA in Warsaw and I got it. Now at that stage in the game I would have had to pay a huge fine to pull out of the tournament. All of you know that my cheap butt was not going to take a fine! So what did I do? I hopped on a plane on Friday to get to Warsaw to play Saturday by 3pm.

We used a miles ticket so thankful I was able to upgrade so that I could sleep a little bit—but I mean really at that point did it really matter? I was on a plane all night and was expected to play the next day. I don’t care who you are no one can play under those conditions. No one can play with the crazy schedule that I have had… it has been tough.

Anyway back to Warsaw. I got in at 11.30-12. I stood at the baggage claim, racquets in hand just waiting for my bags to show up. 10 minutes passes I start to look around to see if other people who were on my flight were still there. 20 minutes passes still no bags… My thought was “This cannot be happening to me.” I went to the desk ask them to check on my bags. I begrudgingly handed the man my claim hoping that he was would say Madame your bags are here, you just did not wait long enough! But of course that is not what he said… “Madame your bags are in Amsterdam and will not get here until 7pm.” My first emotion was anger, then panic set in, determination my last thought. I had to figure out what to do.

I went outside where the people from the tournament were waiting to pick me up. I told them what was going on and after a quick laugh the driver and I were on our way to the mall. This was straight out of a movie. It was raining, he was speeding, we were trying to speak, but there was a major language barrier. In the end I got the worst looking outfit. My toes were crunched in the shoes that I bought, but they were cheap!!!!! The end to this weird and horrible story is that is rained all afternoon so I didn’t even get to play that day.

As I said above I would have gone straight to France if I wasn’t going to get the fine and Natasha and Romanda—Tasha’s BFF (best friend forever)—were going to meet me in France, but since I had to go to Poland they changed their flights and came to Poland. My BFF is from there so we all stayed at her house with her parents and her brother. I think I could write a separate blog on the experience that we had with them. They are a one of a kind family so kind and giving. I don’t think Natasha or Romanda have seen a city the way they got to see Warsaw. They were wined and dined. We got to hang out with the architects, aristocrats, and drunkards of Poland. It was fun.

What was not fun was my playing! Haha. Poland was rock bottom. I think I would have been better off playing the day before. Instead I played the next day. My BFF’s brother and father were there, Natasha and Romanda were also there and I played horribly. I felt like crap out there. All I was thinking what am I doing here, I can’t play. I suck I am never going to win, I can’t win I can put a ball in the court. I felt pitiful, helpless, and hopeless. I wanted to just run away in the middle of the match.

Apparently, I looked exactly like I felt. Natasha and Romanda both said I looked like a mess out there. I didn’t look like I was having any fun, my shoulders were so tight I looked like a hunch back. I looked pathetic. I have given up, just thrown in the towel. That is not me. I felt horrible because people flew across the world only to see me like that. I was disgusted and confused.

I think everyone was equally as confused. Natasha got to see what Kevin saw the week before. The common theme was that no one had seen me like that before. I think both of them were very angry and frustrated trying to figure out what was going on… Shoot I was trying to figure out what was going on. I had and still have so many thoughts in my head about all of this. No one knows what it feels like to start off a year thinking the world is your oyster and feel like you can kick anyone’s butt. In January I didn’t even think Serena had a chance against me:) To watch that crumble and feel like my great playing is slipping right threw my hands. The harder I tried to keep it the faster it would go away. I hit rock bottom in Poland.

We all left for Paris and met Kevin there. There were a lot of conversations—some of them very heated—about what is going on with my tennis. Everyone is trying to figure out whose fault it is, what had happened, how did it get this bad???? But in my mind none of that really matters anymore. We all need to come together as a team move forward. We need to figure out a system that works. That is very difficult because this whole tennis thing is trial and error. It is like playing a match, if something isn’t working you have to switch tactics. Anyway I think we have yet to all get on the same page and I think that is something that needs to happen to move forward.

Going in to the day of sign in I was 40 out of the French, by the morning of sign in I was only 9 out. I didn’t get in, but I was not as humiliated waiting as I was at the US Open! People just assumed that I was there playing doubles, which made my little pea brain feel better. Well if they all think I belong here than maybe I do belong here, that is what I was thinking. I mean how whack am I?

I used Paris as a mini vacation. Natasha, Romanda and Courtney were all there. I tried to figure out what feeling I was having and let go and have a little fun. Enjoy being alive for once instead of being bogged down with so many thoughts.

After Paris I went to Carson California to play a 50. I got lucky enough to get to spend the night in New York with my second mom Shirley and my nephew Joseph. It was some much needed family time. However, when I got to California I had to deal with the normal question “so where did you come from?” After I told them where there was one of two responses. Either it was “Why do you travel so much? Or “What is your ranking?” If I can fly my behind over there to sign in than why heck not?? But if I am too tired from all the flying than that is no good. Who knows what is right!

Something must have sunk in because although I lost first round in both singles and doubles, that was the closest thing I have played to fearless tennis in months! Of course I was finally back on hard court and I was allowed to use my biggest weapon. When I pushed off I actually went some where and didn’t slip and fall! Playing on hard really makes a difference for me. I can get balls back and be an athlete.

I played Laura Granville in both singles and doubles. She played with Riza Zalameda and I played with Audra—the duo is back, we need a little time to get the mojo running again. Laura and Riza tore us apart. They played flawless tennis. Serves hit the exact place they wanted, we didn’t stand a chance.

Singles was a different story. I lost 6-3, 6-1, but the score was not indicative of how the match was it. It was tight. I was in that match, I had her shaking. She is a fierce competitor. I tried to come in a few times and she could hit this crazy sharp angle backhand passing shot, or she would put a lob just out of my reach over my backhand side. She is a smart player, but I was in the match. My speed got to her, I hit winners with my forehand, came in a few time. My serve let me down, but when I got it in it was good!!!! Most importantly I had fun out there. I was myself smiling and loving the battle. It felt good. I shall overcome.

On a side note I might have also played well because my man Tony Duffy was in Carson taking photos and cheering me on. He is truly an artist you have to check out the pictures I post.

I am now on my way to the Bahamas to go to wedding of one of my old team mates. The next two weeks are mine to master my skills and be awesome. I love practice, I cant wait to get better. It is going to be a great two weeks.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying the start of summer. Until next time…:)

All I Want To Do Is See A Lion

2009-05-05T04:02:00.003-04:00

We arrived in Johannesburg at around 6pm. I was having a private panic attack because it was starting to get dark. All I had heard about South Africa/Johannesburg is that it is very dangerous particularly after sunset. Anyway we were fine nothing happened to us. This caused me to question if I should listen to all of the craziness that I hear before I go somewhere new. I was told I would love Dubai. I hated it—not because of what happened while I was there. It was too artificial for me. By the information that I was given about Johannesburg, I should have been scared out of my boots! My safety was never in jeopardy.

Being in Africa was surreal. Although Egypt was in Africa I will still consider this as my first trip to the continent. I have always wanted to go, but I just figured it would be later in life. Like I have said before a huge part of being on the tour is not only playing the matches, but also getting to see the world and experiencing different cultures. This was truly special.

It was kind of like being in a European country in the sense that I felt like people were staring at me here. They only difference was that it was not little white European children staring—it was other black people old and young. They looked at me like I was an alien or something. Maybe they were trying to figure out if I too was African, but they were certainly trying to figure out something. There were a large number of women who wore their hair short. It caused me to have to take a few double takes. Particularly with the young girls, however I thought that was amazing. That takes guts and they wore it with pride. That would never happen in the states.

When the draw comes out you always hope for a good draw. This week I got one. I played a WC (wild card) in singles and in doubles. The weird thing is that I felt more nervous with this draw! Isn’t this crazy? The same think happened in Shrewsbury England. I played a WC there and was soooo nervous in the morning before my match. Same thing happened here, expect the draw came out on Sunday I played on Monday, but didn’t play singles until Wednesday. I had to anxiously wait for four days.

What did I tell you about WCs??? I had two tough matches. It is possible that I made them a lot tougher than they should have been. In singles I was up 5-1 then slowly I lost it. I got so tight and the game seemed to have just slipped away. 5-2, 5-3, 5-4 next thing I know I am in a tie breaker! How does that happen? I lost the first set. Went to the bench regrouped and got ready to play the second. Got off to a rocky start, but finished the set well and quickly. Again I was up 5-1 in the third set and it started to happen again! But this time I just barely managed to close it out. My slice and my serve won me that match! Who would have thought? After that match Kevin said to me “you don’t have a killer instinct and I don’t know if we can make you have one!” It is just so contrary to my nature. It is going to have to be a learned response because I can’t continue to not close matches out.

Doubles was pretty tough too. We won 6-4, 6-3. The girls were a lot better than I expected. They had good serves. I don’t think we managed to break them until the end of the first set.

My next singles match was against the number one seed Katie O’Brien ranked 120 from England. I lost the match 6-3, 6-3. I think I made forty unforced errors. YIKES. Some of those came from the fact that we were playing in altitude, the fact that I am playing with a new racquet, the fact that there was a wind storm and the fact that I am just a giant scaredy pants. The wind and the altitude are no excuse because everyone else is playing under the same conditions. The racquets we will talk about later! The real issue here is that fact that I cannot seem to get over my fear and just hit the ball like a normal person. Instead, I want to push. I want my opponent to miss. I don’t want to win the point I want my opponent to lose the point. Now, we all know that as I continue to move up in the ranking and play better people that line of thinking is not going to work!

The scaredy cat was in full effect during out second doubles match… we won the first set 7-6, we were up 3-1 in the second they were ready to give the match to us. Kathrin and I both got tight and stopped going after it. She got tired because she had a really long singles match and I just did my usual—I got tight and afraid. We lost the match 11-9 in the third set tie breaker. We had them and they ended up winning the tournament. That is the most irritating thing ever. That should have been us, but we obviously didn’t want it enough to take it.

I have been talking about the same thing for months and months. My question is when is the response going to change? Something has to change. I am so frustrated because I feel like I have not even come close to reaching my potential, but I am ranked 268 what is that about. It would be great if I felt like I was playing my best tennis and I have accomplished something. However, it feels lousy that I have made it this far with no game and very little confidence. I keep talking about doing something different stepping outside of my comfort zone, but it is time. I need it to change not only for my sanity, but also I want to reach my potential I have to change my mindset.

I figured out today that my ego doesn’t want me to write the blog when I lose, because I feel ashamed and embarrassed. What do I have to be in embarrassed about? It is a game. Regardless of winning or losing I will try and get on top of writing the blogs more regularly.

On Tuesday Kathrin, Dennis (Kathrin’s BF) Kevin and I went to the lion park. I had the best time. I think I have found my pastime/hobby. Photographing the animals was therapeutic. While the others had fun petting the cubs, I was enthralled with taking pictures of all the various animals. On several occasions everyone in the bus had to wait for me because I lost track of time taking pictures. They were all there twirling their thumbs while I was clicking away. All I wanted to do while I was in South Africa was see a lion and I did, so I accomplished what I wanted to while I was there.

I am now in Romania playing another 100K. I won my first match 7-6 6-2. I adjusted to playing on clay again better than I expected. Today, I got some where with getting over my fears. I am working on coming into net more and finishing the point that way. Today, I committed to coming in and it paid off. Let’s hope I can keep up the good work.

Will write again soon! Until next time…

Rome wasn't built in a day.

2009-04-22T00:39:00.001-04:00

I left you last after having received a phone call saying that I needed to be in Italy the next day. Any of you who know my sister Natasha know that my panicking was only done in vein. 5 minutes later everything was all sorted. I was booked on a flight from Cairo to Rome at 430am arriving in Rome at 730am. I put clothes on grabbed my things ran down to the lobby to make sure I had a ride and waited until 2am when the taxi was going to pick me up to take me to the airport.

I slept for 2 hours on a couch in the lobby, 3 hours on the plane finally arrived in Rome at 8am. Kevin was waiting for me at the airport and we were off in taxi to Latina which was about 2 hours away. I barely made it in time for my match. I ate a sandwich, had a five minute warm up, but all I really needed was a huge glass of coffee!

I won the match 7-6, 7-6 judging by the score you can see that it was not an easy match. It was a battle every step of the way. The rallies on clay are so much different than on hard court. They are longer and more deliberate. You have to think about what you are doing. The girls that I was competing against did not just hit flat fast balls. They used slice angles, they used heavy top spin balls to push you back, and they used their brains. This is so unlike hard court tennis. On hard court I just react to the big flat hitters. Now I have to build the point, I have to think about what I am doing because as soon as I get into reactive mode on clay I am toast. My biggest weapon—my speed—is neutralized because I have no footing out here. I have to be very careful not to get put in defense.

My second round match was not as good at all… I lost 6-2, 6-2. I have never felt so foolish in my life. She made me look like a complete idiot. She knew exactly what she was doing out there. She played like she has been playing tennis for many life times. She would hit these heavy balls with both her backhand and forehand that gave me anxiety when the bounced. I didn’t know what to do. I was slipping around like I had on ice skates. I think I almost started crying during the match because I was so humiliated.
Kevin saw her play the day before and knew I had no chance. He could sense my frustration and embarrassment and made it very clear to me that I cannot be disappointed in my performance.

I don’t think that either of the girls that I played have ever stepped foot on a hard court. They are seasoned clay court players. I am embarking on a journey to become a more well rounded player, part of this journey involves me learning how to play on clay! This is a very daunting task for most Americans, but I am past the point of return. Unfortunately like everything else it will take last of time. The beautiful thing about this endeavor is that I am getting better. I see improvement every match.

Apparently I play better doubles on clay than on hard. I have made some huge improvements in doubles in the past few weeks. In first tournament in Latina I played doubles with Ashley Weinhold another up and coming American. Because I was playing a 10K Kevin thought it would be a great opportunity to practice some things that he wanted me to work on. There are so many things that I need to work on and it tough to figured out what is the most important to tackle. Although we have talked about doubles a lot and Kevin has clearly voiced his frustrations with my doubles we haven’t worked on it they way we would have liked. Well this week we got to work on doubles and the results were astronomical.

We got to the semifinals of doubles, defeating our first two opponents with relative ease. We were on fire. We both have such great volleys which believe it or not it is not something you see very much on the women’s tour! I think the two up combo caught people off guard. Ashley would hit a serve and as soon as the ball crossed the net I would slam it down their throat. The rallies were never that long, but if they happen to go more than 2 shots our opponents were playing against a solid wall. I can imagine that, that was pretty intimidating.

The semifinal match got off to a great start. We won the first set in about 20 minutes we were cruising. At that start of every second set—particularly in doubles—there is a premium on getting of to a great start. I tell myself and usually my partner, ok now is the time to notch it up a level and go after it, but it rarely happens. Normally at the start of a second set I get more reactive, more fearful and I practically run from the ball. This second set was no different. We got tight they got lose. We lost the second set in 20 minutes! The third set breaker followed a similar pattern. We got up to a fast lead, but couldn’t close it out.

The next morning I woke up we were supposed to go and practice, however, I had not had a day off in 10 days and I felt like it was imperative that I see the city that everyone says so great. Equipped with a book on Rome and an iphone application (all compliments of Ashley) we were off to see Rome in day.

The journey was adventurous from the start. At the bus stop we befriended an old man who promised to show me the coast of Italy, gave me his phone number and asked for my hand in marriage. After my proposal we met a really nice college student who used to live in Virginia and spoke perfect English. She was going to Rome too and helped us buy bus, train and metro tickets. She explained everything we need to know about getting there and back. I don’t think the day would have gone so smoothly without her.

We had a massive plan of attack, we wanted see everything. The Spanish Steps, the Vatican, the Coliseum, the Pantheon, you name it we planned on seeing it. Not only did we want to see everything, but we also wanted to eat the whole day. We wanted to try everything Rome had to offer. Rome was not built in a day so guess what you certainly cannot see and eat everything in a day! We did give it the old college try.

Back to reality I had one more tournament in Latina—the same city—to play before I was to return to the motherland. I think it was Saturday morning that we had to sign in. We went to the club practiced signed in and we were in the van to go to the hotel when a taxi pulled up and I saw a familiar face getting out of the taxi. Everything happened so quickly I flung my arms hit the umpire sitting next to me and screamed my sister is here!!!! The driver came to an abrupt stop because of course he didn’t speak English he thought we hit something. My sister, best friend and confidant flew all the way to Italy to spend less than 48 hours with me because she thought I needed some support. She thought right that was like Christmas. It lifted my spirits I felt like I was on top of the world.

Now of course and unfortunately this new found happiness did not translate to a win on the singles court… So sad, for what feels like the millionth week in a row I have to report bad news. I played another Italian girl who I don’t think has ever seen a hard court. Her unorthodox game and stroke were deceivingly good. I left the court thinking there is no way I should have lost that match, but she played well. Like many other girls out here she executed when it was counted.

I bet Natasha would have stayed if I had won, but like a dummy I lost. So sadly she had to leave. Because she doesn’t have the luxury of getting to see me play every two weeks she sees bigger jumps of improvement. The last match she saw me play was in San Diego I am sure that she saw some major leaps—a more aggressive player with a huge serve and forehand. Well maybe I am exaggerating a little bit… It was depressing to see her go, but she left me with a felling that I could take over the world.

I took this reignited passion and energy to the doubles court the next day. I played by far the best doubles match of my life. Truly I was in the zone. I was serving and volleying, hitting every first volley inside the service line. Mind you two weeks ago I was hitting my first volleys a foot inside the baseline! I was crossing and poaching on almost every ball. I made only 5 errors the whole match.

The quarterfinals match we played was against a girl that I lost to the week before in doubles and a girl that I used to train with at Evert’s. I swear they hit ground strokes that traveled at speeds over 100 miles per hour. Who wants to cross on a ball like that? Let me tell you not me! There is no way we should have won that match, but we did 1-6, 7-6 (10-5). Luck was on our side!

I couldn’t quite understand how I had gone from playing the best doubles of my life right back to the awful doubles I was playing before in the matter of two days. I still don’t get it. I was determined to fix it for our semifinals match. This was a huge test. Was I going to break through everything and just jump in the fire, go crazy and be the great doubles player that I know I can be, or was I going to crawl back in my shell and not reach my potential like I do most of the matches I play? I would make you guys guess, but I will just tell you that I went right back to comfort zone. I didn’t break through any barriers. I have some of the best volleys out here, my serve has come so far, and my returns at times are deadly. These are all these that are keys to being a great doubles player and I have them! Now it is time to start playing like it.

While I was in Italy at least 2 people a day would ask me why I was in Europe. “It is very rare that we see Americans in Europe what are you doing here? Why are you not in the states playing the tournaments over there?” One girl introduced herself to me as we were sharing a court. “Hi I am Nada from Serbia.” In response I said “Hi I am Megan from America!” She proceeded to tell me she knew who I was because I was the new one and everyone was talking about me. Now I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Or some of the girls will ask with a smirk “So how are you enjoying the clay?” I think it is obvious to everyone that Americans are not so good on clay, but at least I am trying

With new levels of frustration due to lack of wins I was ready to go back to the states and try my luck on the green clay. My thought was that maybe people who choose to stay in America and play there could not be as good on clay as the girls playing in Europe. I just knew it was my time to have a good singles run at a tournament. We were off to Jackson Mississippi. I learned my lesson and I requested a late Wednesday start. I got what I thought was a great draw. I was ready to rock and roll!

Or so I thought… the 16 year old Jackson native was a good lefty player. I got off to a fast 3-0 I was playing well. All of a sudden I she was hitting winners every where and I was pooping balls short up the middle of the court as usual. I eventually won the match 7-5, 6-1 but it was not pretty.

After this match I was convinced that I could still make a turn around and win the tournament. I had to make a huge attitude change and come out the next day fired up ready to kick some butt. The attitude change was there and I came out ready to go. Wow could have been more off the mark. This girl was good… at one point she was 63 in the world and she played like it. She knew exactly where to put the ball and seemed to be able to put it there with ease. She beat me very easily 6-1, 6-2. I played well and I continue to get better, but I still have a lot of work to do to contend with the big hitters.

I played doubles with my favorite “Come on YETS” screaming partner. Although we do well together I don’t think we have good chemistry. I have also decided that my sanity is more important than a win… We made it the quarterfinals. By the time I hit the last ball I knew it was time for a break. With the exception of Natasha’s surprise I hadn’t seen anyone in my support system in 2 months. The time had come I needed to go home… wherever that is.

Right now I am in Williamsburg and I have been here since Friday. I am leaving for South Africa on Thursday. After this much need break I am ready to out there and play on some hard courts!

Wish me luck I will need it! Until next time…

Walk like an Egyptian.

2009-04-01T03:46:00.002-04:00

I was supposed to be in the qualifying, but got into the main draw at the last minute. So I had a few days to get acclimated. The night that I got to Cairo I pulled up to the hotel it looked great. The lobby was sparkling it looked like any other five star hotel that I have stayed in. It was only in the next morning that I really saw what was up! I walked on to my balcony looked to the left and realized that the other wings of the hotel were not finished and there were bulldozers everywhere. The Dusit Thani was no where near being finished, but we stayed there with the construction and all. The club was also beautiful but like everything else in “New Cairo” it seems like it is half done and deserted. The people running the tournament asked with pride “How do you like the tournament?” I just had to lie through my teeth and tell them how great everything was. Apparently I was the only one who noticed that everything was only partially finished!

The practice courts were a bit of a mess. Everyone kept likening them to those yellow bouncy balls that people use to improve their movement. When you bounce it, it can not bounce at all, it can go to the left, to the right and for people of my height it could bounce over their head! Well playing on the practice courts was some what like that. There were rocks in the middle of the courts so if a ball hits one of them who knows what the balls would do.

The bounces were really the least of our concern though. Unlike most clay courts these courts sometimes did not leave a trace of the ball. The lines were also painted on so as soon as you touch them with your foot it rubbed off. By the end of some of the qualifying matches there was no baseline. No ball marks and an invisible line… it was a recipe for disaster!

Because I arrived early I decided that I needed to make a trip to the pyramids. I went with a girl name Nicole Rottman from Austria. We had one driver set up by the PR person at the tournament, but the ITF rep was at the hotel and there was basically a civil war between the two entities as to who was going to take us. It was all about the Benjamin’s though. Both of them just wanted to rip us off as much as possible.

I guess I thought it was going to be just me and the pyramids. The image I had in my head was that is was going to be some magically spiritual experience between the pyramids and me. I mean lets be honest it is major tourist attraction. I was quickly brought back to reality once I saw the masses of people from every where in the world and the Egyptian men trying to make a quick buck off of the all tourists. In perfected English accents they push “Camel ride camel ride?” They almost had me by asking me if all American women were made with such beautiful smiles. I was again jolted back to reality when Nicole said “they are just trying to get your money lets keep walking!” At 19 she is a tough little cookie! Between us I think they only say that to me:)

So now back to tennis or at least I will give you some incite as to what was running through my mind all those days that I had to wait to play. Here is goes. There is nothing stopping me besides my head. If I can find a way to release my body from my mind and use my energy instead of my mind to play tennis I think I would be a lot better off. What I mean by all of is that… I don’t know exactly what I mean. I just wish that I could play tennis without my mind intruding on the party. I want to be in a constant state of “in the zone”. No one thinks when they are in the zone. But how to you get there everyday? How do you not let your mind rain on the parade? That is the question and I guess the ultimate goal. Maybe the best in every sport—Rafa, Roger, Tiger, Jordan—I am sure they have managed to master this. But how do the rest of us do it? I am sure it isn’t a gift that was only given to those few people. We all have it we just need to learn how to access it.

I won a match finally! It could not have come at a better moment. It came at a time when I was at the edge and I needed a little something to hold on to. It was a decent win against a girl that I lost to in juniors eons ago. Anyway it was kind of a crazy match. The wind was blowing and the courts were bad—the resulted in people yelling in their native languages and nasty looks being shot across the court. I won the match 6-4 7-5. I was up 5-2 in the first and was up 5-4 in the second, I just couldn’t close it out….as usual. This time was because I hadn’t won a match in 3 or 4 tournaments. So naturally at crunch time I got tight. After 2.5 hours I finally pulled it off!

My next and final (final because I lost the match) was against the number one seed a young girl from Italy. I lost the match 6-4 6-1 and this score was in not indicative of the match. In 4 different games in the second set I had game points that I did nothing with. Really I played a lot better against this girl. It wasn’t as windy so you could sort have a regular rally. She yelled and threw her racquet, I stayed composed, but in the end she played well when it counted and I didn’t so that is all that really counts. However, I can honestly say that I am getting better at clay!

Laura Sigemund and I were seeded one in doubles. At first I didn’t know how I felt about that because as I have discussed before that means that there is a giant target on our backs. Towards then end of the tournament I started to like it! We won our first match 7-5 6-4. Both us—Laura and I and our opponents—were not really playing the match, we were playing the wind. I was tough to play in. No one was actually hitting their proper stokes we were all massaging the ball just trying to get it in the court. Anything more would have been too much in these conditions.

I don’t know if you guys remember “Come on YETS” aka my doubles partner Laura Sigemund. I talked about her in my blog about the Laguna Nigel tournament. Well she was back at it again with even more intensity this time. Our second round match we played the girl that I lost to in singles—the racquet throwing Italian—and her feisty (also Italian) partner. We could not have been more opposite. We are bouncing in between points, and running around the court screaming “Come on!” and such while they were either giggling or cursing in Italian. There was a really long break point going back and forth. We would close, they would lob and then dip and it went on for every until one of them hit a winner. One of the Italian girls let out a “Come on YETS” I about peed my pants. I wanted to laugh so badly, but I couldn’t we were in the throws of a battle! Anyway I played so poorly the whole match and finally redeemed myself in the tie breaker of the second set. We won 6-2 7-6

Our semifinals match was a doozy. It is not even really worth writing about. The girls we played either didn’t want to be there or had some where else to be because they tanked.

In the finals we played two very experienced players who stayed very composed and could do anything with any ball from the ground. I don’t think we played badly I just think they played better and we got a little emotional. We lost obviously but losing in the finals is better than losing first round. Not the best way to look at the situation, but for now it will do!

After a disappointing loss I laid down to rest my weary body and get ready for a long day travel to Italy when at 11pm my phone rang. It was Kevin he was already in Italy awaiting my arrival at 130pm the next day. He told me I was on the schedule to play in Italy at 11am the next morning and doubles 3rd on. At that moment I was in Cairo in my bed, Kevin was in Rome near to the airport, and I quickly put him on hold and called Natasha in a panic.

To be continued…. Don don DONNNN!

I have safely arrived in Cairo!

2009-03-13T16:17:00.000-04:00

I wrote my last blog when I was in Memphis waiting to sign in for the WTA event. I guess I probably don’t need to tell you that I didn’t get into either singles or doubles. Which was a terrible disappointment but I was still sick so it was probably a blessing in disguise.

After I didn’t play in Memphis I went to Williamsburg to recuperate for a few days. I then flew to Denver—yes I said Denver –to train on indoor green clay for an outdoor red clay WTA event in Acapulco Mexico. I know what some of you guys are thinking. Venus Williams played that tournament! Well I was out of the tournament before she even left Dubai! HAHA

The day before I was supposed to play I woke up and I was just in an awful mood. I was eating breakfast and all of a sudden I found myself in tears. I knew it was time to call in some reinforcement aka mom. When she got on the phone I couldn’t talk because I was crying so hard, but I didn’t have to speak because my mom already knew what was wrong. How weird is that? She took the words right out of my mouth. She said “Meg I know you are tired, I know you are feeling confused and like you are lacking purpose. But what I know for sure that you are doing the right thing.” She was right I was sitting the middle of the most beautiful resort thinking what the heck am I doing here. What am I doing with my life why am I playing tennis?

I was having what Kevin likes to call a crisis of meaning. What he, my mom and the rest of my support system quickly helped me realize is that my only goal in life is self mastery. It doesn’t matter if I am hitting tennis balls or scrubbing tile floors. All that matters is that I do it to the best of my ability. Ultimately the question of what am I doing with my life was very easily answered… I am trying to master self. At this current moment the avenue through which I am mastering self is tennis.

Ok so let’s get to the tennis that I still had to play despite the fact that I was having a complete melt down. I played a girl named Johanna Larsson from Sweden. It was a special match and I don’t think either of us played particularly well, but she was victorious in the end. I could not for the life of my figure out how to return her serve. The apex of her kick serve was about a foot above my head… how was I supposed to approach that? Do you move up or do you move back and hit it at the fence and start of the point in a totally defensive position. I obviously never figured out the answer and I was usually caught hitting the serve at the top of the bounce. No good I tell you. I lost the match 6-4, 6-2.

Sign in for doubles closed the next day. So my task for the rest of the day was to find a doubles partner. The doubles cut off was a combined ranking of 308. So in order for me to have played doubles there I would have had to have found a partner who was top 100. Fat chance…. Here is how that conversation went. “Hi my name is Megan Moulton-Levy my rankings is 217. I am really good at doubles was ranked 1 in college. On the list it says you are looking for a partner, do you want to play?” The most polite response is “No I am sorry I am going to find someone with a better ranking.” However, sometimes they elaborate. I have gotten “Who are you? I have never seen you before.” Long story short these girls weren’t giving me the time of day so Kevin and I hopped on a 5 hour bus to Mexico city at 6 o’clock the next morning to catch a 3pm flight to Tampa Florida so that I could sign in to play doubles at a 50K in Clearwater Florida.

I was lucky that I even got into double in Clearwater. The cut off there was pretty high too. 20 minutes before sign in ended it was like musical partners people were flip flopping left and right. But all that matters is that I got in, not with the person that I had originally planned, but that is ok.

I flew all the way there only to lose in the third set breaker. It was not a pretty match. I didn’t poach at all— but I have recently found out that I never do!— I did not impose myself or my game on my opponents. Boy does Kevin not like it when I don’t do that. Kevin and I set goals before every match and I often have difficulty reaching the goals. It is never for lack of trying or effort it usually just a lack of awareness of what is going on across the net. I get so obsessed with the fact that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing and then I beat myself up for not doing it. I loose sight of the fact that I am actually playing another person. This is just one of the hundreds of things that I need to work on before I reach my potential. I guess a bigger lesson that I have learned is that there is no point beating myself up. That only makes the process longer. I just have to keep challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone.

And with that we were off to our next destination, Fort Walton Beach Florida. I seeded in the qualies and got a bye. Naturally I was I nervous. The biggest reason I was nervous was because I hadn’t won a match the past two tournaments I played. The other reason is that I feel like I am on the brink of something big. When I say something big I mean I am making a huge effort to deal with all of my demons. Right now it is hard to deal with, but in the near future I am going to feel lighter and it will translate into my tennis.

Back to tennis—I am all over the place, I apologize. I lost my match 6-1 in the third. While I was upset about the loss I was also happy. Given my mental state it is impressive that I managed to put everything aside and go out there and compete and play well. With the exception of my serve everything else that I have been working so hard on was there. It all came together. Luck was just not on my side.

Luck was also on my side for doubles. I played with a girl named Heidi El Tabakh and we played very well to beat Riza Zalameda and Maria Alves. They are very tough and it was a great warm up for our next match. Second round we played the first seeds who had a combined ranking of 94! We lost the match 10-8 in the third set breaker, but it was a thriller. Someone came up to me after to say that that is the kind of doubles that people pay lots of money to see at the US Open. I can hang with the big girls!

Like I have said this blog is reflective of my current mental state—all over the place! There is one major thing that I have learned about the past few weeks; it is that no matter what curve balls you are thrown in your life you must keep keeping on. You have to keep putting the work even if you don’t know why you are doing it. Because when you do eventually gain clarity and you have done the work the success is going to be that much sweeter.

Right now I am on my way to Egypt to play a 25K on red clay! Yay! I put in a really hard week of training in last week and I hope that it is going to pay off. Until next time…

3 Time zones in 3 weeks!

2009-02-14T08:16:00.002-05:00

It was a great start to the year I got to the quarterfinals of singles and the finals of doubles at a 25k in Laguna Niguel California. I was not sure it was going to be such a great start because the week leading up to the tournament was spent admiring our new president and attending the many functions that were held in his name. Needless to say I did not get much sleep which is not good for ones tennis game.

I was especially weary of this week because I think I was seeded 2nd in the qualies. Now I am starting to tread into territory that I don’t like. There is a giant target on my back I much prefer to be the underdog. This was clearly evident in my first qualies match. She had nothing to lose and she played like it. She swung from the hip and for the first time in that scenario I was not nervous. It just took me set to get back in the rhythm of playing matches again. It had been a few weeks since I have played my last competitive match. In the end I won the match 7-5, 4-6, 6-3.

Unfortunately we had to play two matches in one day and I had to face another tough opponent next round of qualies. I had a very quick lunch and I was back out on court. I played a girl name Paula Zabala who used to be considered a “push” and back in the day I would had a tough time playing her. However, she drastically changed her game to one that suited my games style better. She is no longer a “push.” She looks to put people under pressure with time pressure. I made very few unforced errors and I may have been in the “zone”. I won 6-0, 6-2, but the score was not indicative of the quality of play.

Next day I woke up I was so sore I could barely move, our warm up was cut short. I knew I had to give it my all that day. The girl I played is an upcoming star. She works very hard, has a level of maturity that is usually not found in people her age, and she did very well in the tournament in India. I won 7-6, 7-5 in this case the score was indicative of the level of play. Normally at some point during a match I like to take a break. I take a mental vacation; my focus temporarily is some where else. As soon as I step on court it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to that. If I gave this girl an inch she would take a mile. But I wanted to win. I wanted it badly and despite the fact that my body may have not been in tip top shape my mind was sharp. I fought the whole way through and it paid off.

Before I left the club I grabbed a copy of the main draw to see who I played. I remember being so happy when I saw the draw. I was going to play the third seed Sandra Zahlavova. If the name sounds familiar that is because I played her in the semifinals of India. I love revenge matches! Natasha used to say that she was more comfortable watching me play someone that I have already lost to in stead of someone new. It is rare that I lose to the same person twice, but this was even more special. There was a certain level of tenacity that was present in my game on that day. Instead of letting up while she cried I tighten my grip. I knew her dirty tactics and I was not going to fall for them this time!

Kevin watched my next opponent Liana-Gabriela Ungur play Lauren Albanese. She made no unforced errors and look as solid as gold. However, when she got on court with me it seemed like all of that had changed. I don’t give people the pace that they are used to and some times that throws them off. I was cruising. I won the first set at love. She took a medical time out and then everything came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t make a ball in the court. I went from 100 to 0 in the matter of minutes. I began to panic and then my biggest weapon—my feet—were lost. I lost the second set at love. It felt like it only took 10 minutes!

Now we were neck and neck two nervous ninnies. At this point in the match the looming question was who is going to get there act together in time to salvage the match? I can’t say that it was salvaged at all. I had to resort to handy tool of dig, run and pump my fist. Against girls who are mentally unstable it will work, but as I continue to climb my way up at the higher levels my bag of tricks turn into a disaster pack.

My quarterfinal match was against a girl named Chanelle Scheepers. She had just quailed for the Aussie Open and during the warm up I was having trouble handling her ball. The warm up and the thought of her qualifying for the open freaked me out. It triggered a belief that I could not win my match. I lost the match 6-4, 6-1. This was not for lack of fight or desire to win. But once your mind has made up that you can’t win it is extremely hard to win that mental battle. I have to stay one step ahead of my mind, because mine likes to play tricks on me. I could have won that match and she gave me chances, but I didn’t take them because my mind had already defeated itself.

Doubles was a spectacle in California. I played with a girl named Laura Siegemund from Germany. She is a fire cracker and would yell something that vaguely resembled “Come on YETS.” She would look at our opponents and scream this right in their face. The first couple times she did this I didn’t know if I should laugh or run off the court for fear that she would bite my head off! In the end I got used to it and tried to use it to our advantage.

Our draw was filled with people that I had already lost to. Like I said I hate losing to one person twice! Our first round match was against Fusano and Haynes. Audra and I lost to Fusano and Glatch in San Diego and that was by far the worse match that I had played. And over my dead body was I going to lose to either of them again! Thank god I played both of them that tournament. We played Glatch and Gradin in the semifinals and I played the best all round doubles that I have played since I turned pro.

But the most important match was our quarterfinal match. That was a college revenge match. We played Riza Zalameda and Anne Yelsey. Kat and I lost to Riza in NCAA in 2008. She put a halt to the unfinished business that Kat and I left unfinished! But it was my turn to shine. It was a nail biting match they we up, then we were up, but in the end we won 10-8 in the third set tie breaker.

The finals match should have been ours. I had a sitter overhead in the third set breaker that I should have put away and I didn’t. It haunted me for the next few days, but I am working on not trying to beat myself up any more. I guess I am scared of getting more complacent that I already am. I figure if I stay on top of myself I won’t let up. In order for it to be healthy I have to find a balance—once that I appreciate the progress that I have made and continue to make while still striving for more.

And with that we were off to Thailand to play my first WTA event. After a full 31 hours of travel we arrived in Chiang Mai. This is where Kevin’s father, uncle, aunt and two cousins live. We had the pleasure of spending a fun filled day with them before we headed to Pattaya for the tournament.

His family is truly something special. Anyone who knows me knows how close I am to my family. The way that I was brought up is that family is first. My mom has always dreamt about building a compound where she and all of her daughters could live. A place where we could all live separately but together. When I arrived in Chiang Mai I didn’t know that I was going to see my mother’s dream in rear life. I was speechless and almost brought to tears when I saw my mom’s dream in the making!

With Kevin's family at the compound

What was also really great to me was the fact that everything was done as a family. Kevin and I had to practice, everyone came with us! We went to visit the compound, everyone came with us. We went to Starbucks, everyone came with us. I got the feeling that this is just the way things worked here. They did everything as a family which I thought was pretty neat.

We did one more thing as a family. When we arrived all of them kept talking about a monk. The monk said this the monk blessed that. Kevin and I were thinking what is up with the monk!?!?!?!?!?!? A close friend of theirs is a monk. He is one of 3 monks who has been anointed by the king. All of you who know me, know that because of my mom’s influence I have a desire to expand and explore my own spirituality. I don’t know much about Buddhism or any other organized religion for that matter, but I can feel when someone energy resonated with mine.

Anyway I was allowed the amazing opportunity to meet this very special monk. I don’t know if I can describe to you how it felt, but it was one of the most profound moments in my life. There was a certain level of serenity in the room. I got the feeling that he could see right through me which was an exhilarating felling. I didn’t fell like I had anything to hide or anything be ashamed of as he peered into my soul. I almost got the feeling like he was telling me that I am doing the right thing, that I am on the right path. Mind you none of these words came out of his mouth—he doesn’t speak a lick of English—but I felt like that is what he was saying to me. He was quite taken aback by the fact that I am so small, but so strong. Who know what that means!

Tennis was not the highlight of the trip… I got sick (cold sick) on the day that I had to play and it was not pretty. The girl was good and I didn’t have the energy to fight the way that I needed to prevail. Given my limitation I thought I played as well as I could have. After the match I went to the room and dozed on and off for 5 hours until retired at 9pm and slept for 10 straight hours!

Doubles is not worth even discussing! It was a horrible disaster. As Kevin put it I have been dealt some great hands over the past 8 months. One bad hand won’t kill me, and that it won’t.

Now I am in Memphis Tennessee waiting to see if I will get into doubles of a WTA event. I find out in a few hours! Wish me luck.

Until next time—promise won’t be so long this time!

Last Blog of the Year!

2008-12-30T03:43:00.002-05:00

It seems that my last blog has produced some off season excitement! I am glad I could provide some entertainment in the down time and welcome to the new readers.

Based on what I heard in Dubai I was almost ready to not go to India. I was told that there were going to be rats running around, the smell would be unbearable and it would be dirty beyond belief. When I blew my nose there were black buggers so that was evidence of the dirt, but besides that India could not have been better. All week Emily Webley-Smith and I cruised around in what the locals called an Auto—it had a motor, but it only had three wheel and no doors!

As I mentioned Delhi was polluted and very noisy, but that takes a back seat to the fact that there is something indescribable about India. This place is special. No matter how poor some of the people were they all had giant sometimes toothless smiles. Everyone was always smiling and wagging their heads! Early on in the summer I read a book called Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts which was situated in India. The book gave me some great insight into what India was going to be like. This is an awesome book and anyone who is looking for a good read or is going to India and wants to know what to expect about the culture and or the people this is the book for you.

Everyone treated us like we were famous. The hotel staff knew our names “Hello Miss Webley, Miss Moulton. Welcome, welcome how was the game today?” They love their sports women as they called us. In fact I think everyone we met asked us if we knew Sania Mirza. She is an Indian icon, but I think we right up there with her. Well at least for the week.

Despite the fact that I contemplated forgoing the tournament India I am obviously glad that I went. Emily and I had the pleasure of making the draw… at the time I didn’t think that I did a good job. Even though they were incredibly supportive after I told them about draw I know Kevin and Natasha were not very happy. They had hoped that I could get a break. Two seeds back to back and this time it was the second seed. Upon arriving to India I hadn’t practiced in three days and I was thinking that I might be able to make Christmas at home after all.

you can see the big bump!

We played doubles first on Monday which is always good for me. Some where in the middle of the first set there was a lob that was hit that was hanging just in the air. I called it, but Emily thought I said you got it instead of I got it and of course she hit me in the forehead with her racquet. I thought about walking off the court and just catching a plane home. I was done, finished, ready to go home. Another freak accident was the last thing that I wanted to happen. Someone please tell me why I love doubles so much? It seems to be the place where I get injured the most. We managed to squeeze out a victory this time, but I thought that was going to be the last one. That match was not pretty.

Had we lost doubles I don’t know if I would have been as motivated to win my singles match. I figured I had to be here until Wednesday might as well go for it all. I can’t quite decide if thought I was going to win the match prior to walking on court. However, when we started the warm up I thought I was going to get crushed. I couldn’t even return one of her balls. It shocked me when the first game took 10 minutes. I started to think that I could hang with Miss Ruutel. I lost the first 4-6, but in the second set she won a huge point on a let court and screamed “COME ON” very loudly. I thought there odd going on here… I began to get the feeling that she was nervous and she thought she could possibly lose this match. She began to crack. I got more fired up, pumping my fist and hitting attacking forehands!!!!! Even though towards the end of the match I couldn’t make a forehand to save my life I won the match 4-6, 6-4, 6-4. This was a huge win for me. My third win over a top 200 player since October. Now, the hardest thing to do after a win like that is to go out and win another match. It is even harder when it is a match that you should easily win.

This was the case for my second round singles match. I played a young girl from Slovakia who was ranked in the 700s. She swung as hard as she could at everything. Normally this would be a great thing for me. I love playing people like this and at the beginning of the match I still loved it. But what happens when the fearless little 17 year old starts to make everything and hitting winners left and right? I crawled back into my comfort zone of pushing and running which obviously doesn’t work against a girl who is hitting rockets right threw me. I was down 3-4 in the second and something familiar started to happen. I could sense tightness, I could smell the fear and once again my opponent started to crack. I was just waiting for the moment to occur so that I could start my grind to victory. Wasn’t playing my best tennis but sometimes positive body language is enough to do the trick. That day it was. After having a mild break down in the first set I came back to win the match 6-1 in the third.

Doubles was almost as special. Emily had lost a tough 3 setter against the number 1 seed and was bummed but ready to play. I on the other hand was in la la land. I think I was mildly exhausted after my back to back emotionally draining 3 set singles matches and I came out flat. It was a tough match to play because there was a huge discrepancy in the level of play of our opponents. The girl who I had to play in singles the next day was a solid player. She was formally top 100 in singles and doubles. She only made 3 errors the whole match. And the other girl a tall girl from France who looks like she is should be a model. Either she would hit a winner or hit the fence so hitting to her was a gamble. Some how we got lucky and won the first set 7-6 and I think they just gave up in the second set allowing us to win it 6-1.

This brings us to Thursday, Christmas day. In the morning when I woke up I was wired. This was a result of me wanting to win a little too badly. This is never a good thing for me. If I am really nervous at times have an inability to channel my energy properly and I spin my wheels. My warm up for the singles match was like that. I was way to over excited and I was spraying balls every where. Through my pre match routine was able to achieve my optimal arousal level and played the most even quelled match of the tournament. There were no mental lapses. I played solidly. I hope and waited for my opponent to crack. She did… I think everyone was ready for the season to be over and to get home. I was just able to hang on a little bit longer than most.

We played the Uberoi sister in doubles. They are both stellar players and to be honest I did not think we were going to win this match. We definitely got some help from upstairs to win this match. At key moments in the match they had sitter volleys and they missed almost every one! I don’t know how that happened but it all worked out in our favor so I am thankful, but I cant say it is because we beat them. They lost the match. They didn’t win the big point when they mattered most and it is because of that that we won.

Although I played the most well constructed singles set of my life, I got complacent. I think I was so shocked by the fact that I had made this far—the semis of singles and finals of doubles—in the tournament and I made it through my first Christmas by myself that I was not mentally prepared to fight as hard as I need to win both matches of Friday. Don’t get me wrong, by no means did I tank or give up at any moment, but I cannot say that I could have been carried out on a stretcher. In retrospect I want to kick myself for not completely laying it on the line. I must also give credit to both of my opponents. The girl in singles was crying—I think it is some sort of weird strategy to distract her opponents—in the beginning of the third set, but was able to step up when in counted. The girls in double played absolutely flawless doubles. Emily asked me what I would have done differently if we had to play them again and I said nothing, I would have played exactly the same way. They played very well and deserved to win the tournament.

While I did well on the tennis court it was such an enlightening experience to come to India. On Friday after Emily and I lost the finals we went back to the hotel dropped our things off and went shopping at the local markets to get some gifts. Naturally people selling things at the markets want to make a huge profit so they initially charge you a huge amount. We were told by some people at the tennis club that we would be stupid to take the starting price. We should slash the original price in half and work your way from there. Emily and I thought we were both going to be no good at it because off court we are big softies... When we got there we both turned into monsters! Haggling has got to be one of the most exhilarating things that I have ever done in my life. It is an empowering feeling to know that you have the ability to wheel and deal and bargain.

Mohan and his buddy

After Emily left I ventured out by myself before my flight. Not so sure if that was a great idea. The two guys who had taken us shopping yesterday took me out to explore Delhi. They took me to see quite a few temples, the gate of India, the dwelling of the President and many other things. I didn’t have shopping in mind, but I think my tour guides has other plans for me. I went into one of the temples and when I came out they all swarmed around me. Shoving booklets in my face telling me to buy buy buy. I said thank you but I don’t have any more money. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. I was then drilled with a million questions. “Who comes to India without money? Don’t you have credit cards? Why are you staying at a 5 star hotel when you have no money? How much money did you make from tennis? Next time you stay at cheap hotel and save money so you can shop!” I guess in their culture it is rude for me to say that I have no money, but it is not rude for them to quiz me about my financial history.
After my lecture from Mohan—the driver—he told me that we have to visit one more place, the textile district. You cannot come to Delhi without going there. Mohan gave me strict instruction about how to avert buying things without being rude. I listened carefully and repeated them back to him before I went in. Let me tell you shopping at the market is not so empowering if you don’t plan on shopping. Mohan told me to find something that I liked talk to the guys about how much it is and then tell them I will come back later. Sounds easy right? NOT!!!!!! I took pictures of a particular rug told them how much my mom would love it and I wanted to go back to the hotel to get the money to pay for it. “Ok well do you want to sign the rug before you leave?” I scratched my head and said “ahhh no thanks I guess I can do that when I get back?” “Ok well we will send one of our men with you to get the money so you don’t have to come all the way back here.” Again scratched my head and said “ahhh no thanks I would prefer to go alone with my drivers.” Next thing I know the men from the shop are outside talking to Mohan and the other gentleman in Hindi and Mohan is asking me in a worried tone “Did you say you were going to take the rug!?!?!?!?!?” I got in the Auto and asked if we could leave. All of you who know me know I was sweating giant bullets. I was so nervous, flustered, and confused about what had just happened I was ready to get out of there. Once my two men got in the Auto I said “no more shopping guys.” They both just started laughing at me. They thought my bewildered state was quite humorous.

I even got to feed a monkey!

Aside from my minor hiccups on my last excursion, out of all the places that I have visited since I have been playing I have fallen in love with India. I got to feed monkeys bananas, see cobras dance, held a snake in my hand and one around my neck! It doesn’t get much cooler than that. This is one place that I will have to come back and visit without tennis.

Some of you have been apart of my journey for years and others are just joining. Whatever the case is I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for all of the support than you all have provided. For me knowing that people enjoy reading the blog makes writing worth while. I wish that all of you could be there in person, but I hope I give you enough to make you feel like you are there with me.

Wish everyone a happy and joy filled New Year. Until next year!

An Early Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T08:30:00.001-05:00

It is 7pm in India and when I wake up it will be Christmas.

Wanted to be the first to wish everyone a very Merry! My thoughts will be with each and every one of you. Please eat well for me!

Wow!

2008-12-18T11:40:00.001-05:00

I don’t even know where to begin. This has been one of the most interesting weeks that I have had since I have been on the tour. Audra and I landed in Dubai late last Wednesday evening. On Thursday we arrived at the courts only to see that there were two courts on site. If we knew what was going to be in store for us we would have turned right around.
Obviously because there were only two courts finding a time and a court to practice on was difficult. We were approached by a girl from china who asked us to come and hit with her. Given the limited practice situation we jumped on the opportunity to get some hitting in. We began warming up and 10 minutes into the hitting session there were some men on the court telling that we could only play until “the boss” came. Everyone was talking about the boss, the boss.
“The boss” was the owner of the hotel where the tournament was held and quite frankly he could have owned Dubai for all we know. This man is stinking rich, I am talking like one of the richest men in the world. We did not know this when he asked us to play doubles against he and his friend. I am still not sure if it was a good or a bad thing that we agreed to play…
“The boss” is a tennis fanatic and plays tennis every day. In fact he stopped the tournament—which remember was only held on 2 courts—so that he could play from 2.30-4pm. Every day he would invite different girls from the tournament to come and play with him. After our tennis match he asked us to join him for dinner. Again at the time the only thing we knew about him was that he owned the hotel. My initial thought was what an honor and he must be such a kind gentlemen—which in some respects he is. Dinner consisted of a group of 10-15 other people who I will call his entourage. By his request Audra sat next to him and he spoke to her throughout the whole dinner.

Now let’s pause. What would you do if a billionaire offered to ensure that your dreams would come true and it would all be paid for only if you were to be his girlfriend? The next morning this is exactly what he proposed to Audra! At this point both of us were a little panicked thinking that if she says no he might kidnap her or something crazy like that. So she decided to call her mother during the wee hours of the night. If had a picture to go along with this it would be priceless. We were at practice courts that were surrounded by skyscrapers. That part of Dubai kind of looks like Gothem city in the Batman movie. The construction being done around Dubai produced a constant drone. Then there is Audra pacing around the court on the phone with her mother trying to figure out if she needs to flee the country! Needless to say with the drone, the wind which was a byproduct of the artificial produced paradise and the chaos that “the boss” added to the mix, it was not one of our best practices.
By this time it was Friday, time to sign in for qualies and more girls had arrived. There is always a buzz around the tournament, but this particular instance it was poignant information for me so I actually listened. The word around the street was that this was the tournament to come to if you were willing to sleep with someone of high rank for one year of an all expense paid sponsorship. Upon doing more investigation we realized that this is not uncommon at all. “The boss” often made these kinds of propositions, and for his chosen few he gives them a gift—a bag with a tiffany’s pen and a necklace. I only received one because I was rolling with Audra. We saw quite a few others sporting the necklace! So we quickly realized that this was no reason for Audra to flee the country. He was basically harmless this was just a part of the Arabic culture.
We decide to try and ignore the confusion and focus on tennis as much as we could. Since I had to play the next day we decided that she should decline the offer for dinner that night and we just went back to the hotel and hung out by ourselves.
On our way to dinner we stopped by the board to see what time I played the next day. I was looking she was looking neither of us saw my name on the draw or on the order of play list! We are both freaking out. Audra keeps asking me if I signed in. Of course I did! I remembered writing my name down. Anyway what happened was “The boss” gave me a wild card into the main draw basically because he wanted Audra, but I was also told that I got it because I am a minority. “The boss” thought I needed an opportunity. This caused me to question is it there such a big difference between America and here? Assumptions are made all around the world.
Anyway Monday finally rolls around and got to play a match. I played the 4th seed and lost 7-5, 6-4. Somehow I managed to play some good tennis in the midst of all the craziness. Despite the fact that I lost I think I played very well and implemented the things that I have been working so hard on. I was very proud of myself.
Now doubles is a different story… Audra and I played doubles the same day. I cannot say I was as proud of my doubles playing. We were up 4-0 in the first and lost the set 6-7. We won the second 6-2. We lost the third set 13-11 in the third set breaker. We had 3 match points
I am very frustrated with my doubles. I made the decision to pursue a professional tennis career because I wanted to do well in doubles. I mean let’s be honest who thought I was going to be able to crack the top 600 in singles. I couldn’t crack an egg in college. But now it seems like I am making these great strides in singles. I can see improvement almost every match I play. What about my doubles, my passion? I sometimes feel like I am playing worse than I did in college. Considering the fact that doubles was the reason why I continued to play, I hope everyone can understand my frustration with not doing as well as I expect in doubles.
Aside from me working on dealing with my frustration with doubles the one thing that I learned from the this tournament is that I need to learn to exercise cultural relativism. I could come into this country and judge the way that Arab men deal with women, but I don’t think that is fair. Who knows Donald Trump might do the same thing!
I am off to India tomorrow and I will spend Christmas there. My partner in crime went back to Miami so I am solo:( If I don’t write again before Christmas I wish everyone a merry merry Christmas and I happy new year!
Until next time…

What a Week! This is a long one....

2008-12-01T02:57:00.001-05:00

This week could not have been more different than last… Firstly I won 4 singles matches and I didn’t choke in doubles! And secondly I must state that I could have very easily been out of the tournament in the first round of singles and the second round of doubles but some how Audra and I managed to win doubles and I got to the finals of singles.

My first singles match was truly a disaster. The only good thing about the match was that I fought my tail off. The match went to a third set tie breaker and I think I fought off 3-4 match points during the tie breaker. A little bit of heart and some lucky calls—the line judges are horrible, but I think they like me!—can make all the difference.

In the round of 16s I played a girl who was ranked 245. I got off to a great start and only made one unforced error in the first 4 games. That is absolutely unheard off for me. It was a combination of my great start and the fact that the girl was ready to go home that won me the match.

Next match was against an eastern European girl ranked in the 500s who got a wild card into the tournament. I think everyone including myself thought that she would not be any good, but it turned out that she was very good. She was an extremely smart player. I like to call my passing shots one of my best shots. I could not pass her to save my life. She was always one step ahead of me. Fortunately for my sake experience won that match. She was very young and went for too big of shots at the wrong moment while I was just grinding it out. She is a great player and has a wonderful future ahead of her.

I don’t think anyone who has played college tennis wants to play another former college player on the tour—the collegiate hierarchy plays mind tricks on you, sort of like Amanda Fink and I last weekJ—, but inevitably it happens. My semifinal match was against Katie Ruckert who also played college tennis and thankfully this time the hierarchy worked in my favor. I did what I had to do to win and I fought like a champ.

This brings us to the finals. By this time I have played 8 matches 4 singles 4 doubles and I am tricking myself into believing that I am not exhausted. The men had a 35000 tournament going on as well and one of the guys who was playing in the final asked me to warm up. I was more nervous about hitting with him that playing the match! I had a blast, I was flowing, moving and hitting. I love the way men play tennis it is a more physical game. At the end of the warm up I told him how much fun I was having hitting with him because he was a man. You know what he said? “Well you play like a man. You know the one hander and the slice.” After he said that I was beaming from ear to ear! Best compliment ever maybe I can play like Roger after all. Hehe

Alright so back to the most important part the match. In a 2 ½ hour period I played some of the worst and best tennis in my life—leave it to me to do that. I got down 4-1 in the first set in roughly 20 minutes it was ugly. Fortunately this week I have been able to access some sort of fierce fight and will power. I knew it was just a matter of time until the fight kicked in. There were about 400 people in the stands and it was at this time that the match started to get interesting for all of us. From that point on there were two little boys who would change sides when I changed sides. Either they would chant Moulton, Moulton, Moulton, or say let’s go Moulton, or say vamos Moulton or just repeat what Kevin had just said to me. It was very cute. They helped to motivate me more than they know.

In the end I lost the match 6-4 in the third, but I got to see a glimpse of my future game and thankfully there was less running involved. If I keep running so much I might kill myself—not because of the running just because I end up on the ground half the time! If I keep working hard it will all come together.

Was doubles a treat this week. Audra and I played our first match on Tuesday. While it was not the most difficult match it gave us a chance implement some things that we have been working on and it allowed me to work on fighting though my nerves.

Our second match was the craziest thing ever. We cruised through the first set playing very well. However, we have a horrible tendency of letting up at the beginning of the second set. That is one of the most crucial times of a match. If you are winning you need to establish in the second and let them know that this is not their time to start coming back by becoming more aggressive. We let up and they took full advantage of it crushing us in the second. On the change over between the second and third set Audra and I looked at each other and said if we are going to loose we are going to do so swinging. I could tell by the look in her eyes this was going to be special. We got up 6-4 in the tie breaker with newly established aggression. We missed one or two shot got a little tighter and just as quickly we were down 6-9. It was my return and I am pretty sure I went for broke and got luck. King Kong, gamer Audra did the same and it paid off. At 8-9 there was an equally crazy point Audra was running around at the baseline while I am running around the let like a chicken with no head. Some how we managed to win the point but also win the match.

The rest of the tournament was relatively standard. We used the moment from the quarterfinals match to win both the semi and finals match.

I wish that every one of you could be here with me to share all of these experiences with me, but I do hope that I am painting a bright enough picture. I hope you have a great turkey day my thoughts will be with you.

Don’t know when next time will be because the season is over. I will drop a few lines here and there and let you know how practice is going. Until next time…

What to do with all my nerves?

2008-11-18T23:06:00.001-05:00

Since started my professional tennis career the one thing that has held me back has been my inability to fight my fears. What do you do when you get nervous, how do you respond to the nervousness and what do you have to do combat the tightness? These are all questions that I have to deal with every time I walk on court, but last week these issues were more critical than ever.

Man did I have some nerves to deal with… It was my first singles match after falling on my head, it was a tough match up for me and I was playing on fast courts. These are all things that greatly contributed to me being tight.

As I said above, Amanda Fink is an interesting match up for me. I prefer to play people who just hit the snot out of the ball and don’t think. Amanda is the exact opposite of that. As Kevin put it, it would be like playing a chess game out there. That was exactly what it was like. I came out strong, hitting huge serves and winners off of both my backhand and forehand side. However, she played very smartly and adjusted quickly. She stopped making as many errors and got great depth on the ball. Bottom line she out smarted me.

If I thought I was bummed after singles, boy did I have something coming. Doubles was truly the dark moment of the week. Kevin and I have been discussing breaking through my mental barriers, fighting the tightness, “moving beyond the precipice of fear.” None of these things actually happened. During our second match against Christina Fusano and Alexa Glatch I was complete and utterly paralyzed by fear. I was so absorbed in my private world of terror that I almost had a panic attack on court. I was so consumed by my negative thoughts that feeding the thoughts were more important that getting involved with the match that I was apart of. Needless to say we lost… the score is not indicative of how I played. I played horribly but the match was close.

On a brighter note I there were some great things about last week. Firstly my beloved sister Natasha made a surprise visit. Having Natasha out there was priceless. She is my best friend, confidant, and biggest support. It sucked that she did not get to see all of my new and improved strokes because I played poorly, but it was still great to have her there to share this experience with me. Secondly upon arrive I ran into Tony Duffy who has also provided me with great encouragement and support. No matter how badly I played, seeing some familiar faces made San Diego a great trip.

Shot by Tony Duffy

Now I am in Puebla Mexico playing. Audra and I played our first round of doubles today and I play singles tomorrow. Some luck would be greatly appreciated!

Until next time…

2008-11-09T00:38:00.000-05:00

I thought I was ready to play, but it turned out I was not… When Audra Cohen and I arrive in Auburn after a long 9 hours drive—we drove from Ft. Lauderdale—I decided not to play singles. It is amazing what happens when you get older. For once in my career I made the smart decision to not play through the pain. I figured if I want to play professional tennis for the next few years I should risk jeopardizing my future.

The plan was to only play doubles. However, nothing went according to plan last week. We signed in, but we did not get in! In order to get in a team needed a combined ranking of 520 and combined we were only ranked 700. Needless to say this was probably a blessing in disguise. It gave my neck/head the time it needed to recover. Now back and ready to kick some behind!

Tomorrow I play Amanda Fink. She took me out at NCAA’s this year, but tomorrow is the day to change that!

Wish me luck. Until next time…

I am happy to be walking!

2008-10-30T15:45:00.000-04:00

After last week one would think that I was on top of the world. Well… reality sets in and I realize that I have another match to play in 2 days. On last Tuesday I played a girl named Mirjana Lucic and it was a battle. Unfortunately it was a battle that I didn’t win. The beginning of the match was kind of crazy it was almost as though neither of us wanted to win. Both of us were making errors out of the wazooo! She stepped up and took the match before I did.

Again this has been a reoccurring problem of mine. Instead of stepping up and taking control and winning a match a wait for someone to give it to me. The questions running through my mind are do I want this badly enough? Am I too nice? Why do some of the other girls have such and easy time with all of this? I do want it badly, but yes I am too nice and often put the wants of other ahead of what I need to succeed. All of us out here playing are battling the same issues just at different levels. I just need to focus on my own issues!

One of my biggest challenges is to fight to remain fresh. I have a tendency to think I am more tired than I actually am… The first week of a 3 week tournament stretch is great, everything is new, exciting and I have had rest. Well what happens week 2 after I have played 5 singles and 3 doubles matches? Do I have the ability to keep a healthy perspective? More often than not the answer is no. I get grumpy, my moods are all over the place and I have to learn to fight that and deal with it.

Audra and I have had some great success playing doubles together. However, we seem to hit a wall when we get to the semis… I think we both want to win so badly that we just freeze up. With lots more match play and practice I have the utmost faith that we will do big things. That is of course if I manage to stay on my feet! In our last semi final match I fell on my head and got a concussion. I knew something was wrong when Kevin was on the court standing above me. I think that is what scared me the most:) Anyhow I got up and finished the match. Probably not one of my wisest ideas but I felt ok. I have since seen a doctor who advised me not to play the next tournament in Auburn. I will resume playing in San Diego and the close the year with a tournament in Mexico.

That is it for now! Until next time…

So I wrote this last night, but had no internet to post it. I woke up this morning feeling unbelievable!!!!! We are leaving for Auburn tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck on the 10 hour drive from Ft. Lauderdale Florida!

Where do I begin?!?!?!?!?!?!—this is going to be a long one bare with me!

2008-10-19T22:36:00.002-04:00

Well I think the best and easiest way to start is from the beginning. We all arrived—and by we I mean myself Kevin and….. Courtney!!!!!!! She spent her fall break with me in Lawrenceville. While some may have thought she would be a distraction she was far from it.

On to tennis! My first qualifying match was against Connie Hsu. I could tell by the sound of Natasha’s voice she thought I was going to have a tough time. Connie looks like she isn’t trying, but she is trying and she is very good. To my surprise I won pretty handily. However, lately I have experienced some uncontrollable rage. As a mater of fact I think I bit my racquet during that match! I am almost certain that Courtney was thoroughly shocked and asked Kevin what was wrong with me. I believe her exact words were “this is not what she was like in College” After the match she and I talked about it to be about it and I concluded that it was just different world out here...

Before every match Kevin and I set goals. Last week we incorporated Courtney’s incite into our goal making process. For my next match I had two goals. One was to enjoy being out there and have fun. The second was to finish the games and sets when I was ahead. I have a tendency to get tight in those scenarios.

Wow so apparently I am not very good at achieve goals because the next match was even more of a disaster in terms of my attitude. I did win the match and the racquet never left my hand, but I was visibly irritated (all things that my opponent could see!).

Anyway so we all went to lunch and on the way they had an intervention. I wasn’t really involved in this process it was more like they told me how bad my attitude was and that I looked like a complete idiot out there moping around and saying vulgar things to myself. This was a problem for various reasons. A few things being that it was not representative of who I am, it doesn’t look good and it can often give my opponent the edge they need to get back in the match. At first the intervention didn’t sit well with me, but on the way back to club I finally started to participate. I came to the conclusion that I was not really enjoying being out there playing because I was putting too much pressure on myself and I felt like I didn’t belong and I had to prove myself. I guess I just didn’t realize how bad everything was I needed an outside perspective to help me gain some perspective.

This all brings us to Tuesday…the final day of Courtney’s trip, the final round of qualies and the first round of doubles. Needless to say we set the same goals as the day before but I was refueled with a new passion and vigor to achieve them. I played a girl named Alison Riske who is a very good player. We watched her the day before and assessed that she is a tough one and it was going to be a battle out there. I came out with all guns blazing. I was in the zone, relaxed, cool, and having fun. It was great I did exactly what I said I was going to do. The best part is that I actually played well. I mean I played so well Kevin gave me a hug?!?!?!?!?!?! This is a far stretch from the man who said he is not my cheering section I have to get myself pumped up!

Played doubles later that afternoon with Audra Cohen and of course we dominated because we are crazy good. I think I have found my perma-partner. We are really good, but I think was gives us the edge is that we have great chemistry. We absolutely killed Madison Brengle and Lauren Albanese two very good players.

Ok so we are now to Wednesday. Courtney was gone and I was sad, but the show must go on and I had a huge match to play against Carly Gullickson. For me she was one of those people who I looked up to when I was growing up. Always a favorite and clearly the favorite going into the match. Kevin gave me one of his pregame pep talks something along the lines of “who knows if today is your day or not, but just go out there and have fun and trust that fact that you are playing top 200 tennis right now even if you don’t know it yet.” By golly—yes I just said by golly—I was playing top 200 tennis!!! I lost the first set and was down 0-3 15-40 and I was still having fun pumping my fist and scampering around the court. 0-3 turned into 1-3 then 2-3, 3-3 and 4-3!!!! To tell you the truth I don’t even know what happened after that. All I remember is that for the past 3 years Kevin and I have been working on one particular forehand and for the life of me I can’t hit it, but I hit it during the match. I shot Kevin a look saying heck is going on here!!!! In the end I won the match 4-6, 6-4, 6-3.

Thursday brought us another big day of singles and doubles. My only goals were to stay the moment and continue closing out the match. I managed to stick with both goals for about a set and a half. I was up 3-0 in the second set and I started to think. Bad move…. I was playing great tennis up until that point and then it all came to a screeching halt! My mind was telling me that it wasn’t possible that I was playing this well and then my body followed suit. Kevin said thank god I was absolutely crushing her in the first set and a half so she didn’t believe that she could beat me. That was the match in a nut shell. I managed to grind it out in the end but it sure was special.

Doubles started out the same way singles ended, but got a lot better because Audra started to do her king kong like screams…”COME ON” and then she pounds on her chest! I had no option but to get my act together and join the on court festivities! We won 6-4 6-2.

When we woke up on Friday it was raining and it continued to all day! We stayed at the courts for a while, did laundry, worked out a little and then went to the movies.

After the rain delay and all the sitting around I think everything finally caught up to me. What I mean by that is that I started to think too much about all the matches I had won. I played singles against Rosana De Los Rios who is ranked 93 in the world. In a lot of ways it was the best match I have ever played in my life. I had a lot of chances in the match to have made it an even better match. Kevin counted 11 points that could have made a huge different. I only converted 2 of those 11 into games… This is disappointing to me, but the bottom line is that I still have a lot of work to do. I have not even come close to my potential so I just have to keep plugging away.

The doubles match was horrible. We were really out of sink and we were playing real doubles players who absolutely tooled with us it was quite embarrassing actually. I still have a lot to learn!

All in all last week was an amazing. 2 top 200 wins, some solid doubles playing and Courtney was with me. Now we are in Augusta Georgia and luckily I got a Wild Card into the main so I don’t play until Tuesday or Wednesday. I can rest a little

That is all for now. Wish me luck for this week. Hope all is well and everyone is enjoying fall!

Until next time…

p.s. I apologize for any grammar and spelling errors. My chief of editor is no longer with me so you all are stuck with my poor writing skills… sorry:)

Sorry for the delayed entry.

2008-10-06T23:05:00.001-04:00

This is not the normal scenario. Meaning that I have not been writing because I am doing poorly, I have just been extremely busy and I have had limited internet connection. I know it is still not a good enough excuse and that is why I am sorry!

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking a lot. These thoughts have been provoked by the challenges that I have faced on the tennis court and will affect that way that I write in the blog. I figure that anyone can go to itftennis.com and figure out my results, but the wins, the loses and the rankings—537 in singles and 391 in doublesJ—do not convey what it is like to be out here playing.

Unless you are completely in the zone within the two-three hours time frame that you are on the court playing a match you can experience a range of emotions from sheer elation to raging anger. All of these emotions stem from the fact that I make judgments about myself based upon previous situations when I may have played excellently and or my anxiety about the future and all of my and other people’s expectations. My goal is to be grounded and to stay in the moment.

Most of us whether we realize it or not are fighting to live in the present. What I mean by that is the present moment is the only thing we have. It is very easy to see that in the context of a short tennis match. If I am able to apply the lessons that I learn in tennis into everyday life than I think life would be simpler, but first I have to learn them on the court!

I hope that all of this was not convoluted or jumbled. I sometimes have a hard time expressing how I feel on paper. But I hope everyone gets the gist of what I am trying to say. If not let me know!

Just to keep everyone up to date I am in Florida practicing and looking for a place to live. On Friday Kevin and I go to Georgia to play a 50 in Lawrenceville and a 25 in Augusta.

Until next time…

So...

2008-09-21T17:10:00.000-04:00

…Spain was not as bad as Greece was, but it still wasn’t the best… We ended up losing to Julie and her partner in a third set tie breaker. They cruised through the rest of the tournament. We were by far the best team they played. We should have played them in the finals in stead of the first round!

Singles I lost 6-2, 6-4 to a girl ranked around 280. Kevin said he was surprised I played as well as I did and that I played the best that I could have played given the fact that I am not working with much right now. I think that was a compliment… haha. I played very well I was up 40-love and up 4-3 in the second set. I went for a huge backhand return and missed it. After that point she proceeded to paint the lines as she did in the first set. Yet again I realize how much better I have to get. But the beautiful thing is that I am getting better and I continue to do so every day so I go to sleep happy!

Now I am back in England for the second time this summer—is it still summer??? We are in Shrewsbury playing a 75k. I won my first round of qualies today. I play tomorrow at around 12 pm—7 am your time. Hopefully all of you will be sleeping but for those of you who are awake send me a few good luck wishes!

I am playing doubles with a girl named Kelly Anderson went to Georgia Tech and is ranked around 150 in doubles…pretty sweet if you ask me. Double doesn’t start until Tuesday or Wednesday so I have a few days for that… But it is late here and I need to get my beauty sleep so I am off to get some rest.

Hope everyone is doing well! Until next time….

Well...

2008-09-15T10:58:00.000-04:00

Those of you who keep up with the blog know that I have a hard time writing when I don’t do very well. It is just one of those things I guess... Needless to say Athens was a little bit of a disaster! I lost first round of both singles and double. I probably played one of the worse singles matches of my career. As for doubles—I have a lot of work to do if I want to make it to the top. On the bright side there were lots of things that I could learn from and improve upon. In the end win or lose my goal is to keep improving!

Now I am in Madrid. Paris is by far my favorite city, but Madrid is giving Paris a run for her money. The people are friendly, the architecture is breath taking and the food is to die for. So I am finished being a tour guide now on to tennis… I promised myself that I was not going to write until I did something good and finally the moment has arrived! Today I qualified for a 25k and I play singles either tomorrow or Wednesday. I am playing doubles with Kristi Miller a Georgia Tech grad and NCAA team champ. She is quite the fighter. Any how we play Julie Coin and her partner from France. Yes I repeat Julie Coin like the girl who just beat Ana Ivanovic at the US Open! I am going to see how good she is at doubles…. I have no clue what the heck she is doing playing a 25k but all I know is that we are going to take them down! Wish us luck

Until next time…

Quick Post from Athens

2008-09-03T17:05:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone I have arrived safely in Greece and am quite jet lagged... But I hope I get to play on Saturday so I have a few days to recover. Will let you know how I do and if I get in.

Until next time...-some time next week!

I am Alive!!!!

2008-08-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

Last time I posted I was in London playing a 10k. I stayed with my best friend from high school which was nice. Emily Webley-Smith and I won the doubles that week and I lost in the round of 16s in singles.

I got back to NYC to sign in as an on site alternate for the qualifier of the singles of the US Open and surprisingly I was only a few spots out of getting into the tournament. I stayed in NYC because I applied for a Wild Card into both Women’s and Mixed Doubles into the Open and unfortunately I didn’t get either. This was very disappointing to me, but it only makes me want to go and do it on my own. It may take a little bit more time but I know it will happen. I am no longer worried about it. I have confidence that my time will come!

I am now in Williamsburg until Sunday taking a few days off. I needed a break--to get away from tennis courts away from tennis players! This is the first time all summer that I have taken a few days off and I love it! But I do kind of want to hit today isn't that crazy????? For just today I am forcing myself to stay in the house.

After this week I am heading to Florida to practice and then hopefully off to Athens Greece for a 100k. I will keep everyone posted.

Until next time…

Writing from across the Atlantic

2008-08-11T17:57:00.000-04:00

Audra and I lost in the semifinals of the tournament. We each earned around 700 dollars and 40 points pushing my ranking from 925 to 444 in doubles!!!! We lost to the team who won the tournament which always makes me feel better.

After our lost we dined until about midnight with my lovely host family. They then took me home to pack and get ready to leave because I had a 7 am flight to New York. I spent the night in New York with my Aunt Shirley and at 9 o’clock yesterday morning I left for London. I arrived in London late last night and I play my first round of doubles tomorrow after noon. Needless to say I am thoroughly exhausted and I need some good luck wishes!

Until next time…

Hola From Mexico!

2008-08-06T14:48:00.000-04:00

So it has been a while since my last blog. Writing the blog is like calling my mother I only want to do after I have done something great… Having said that in this entry there is both good and bad news.

I will start off with the bad so that I can end with the goodJ After my win in Evansville I drove to St. Joseph Missouri to play another 10k. Emily and I arrived late Sunday night and I was dead tired. I was supposed to play doubles on Tuesday, but we got rained out so I did not play until Wednesday. I played with Zuzana Zemenova. We won our first match and finally lost in the quarters to Kristi Miller and Emily Webley-Smith.

Now for the really bad news… I lost first round of singles!!!!! It was such a terrible disappointment after having won the last tournament. All week I used this analogy: it was like bowling a strike and then on the next turn bowling a gutter ball. Yikes right?

Well by Thursday I was out of the tournament in St. Joseph. Natasha had already decided that I was going to Monterrey Mexico next to play a 100k tournament—this is the highest level tournament that I have ever played. So after my doubles match on Thursday afternoon I went back to the hotel took a shower, did laundry, grabbed something to eat and then embarked on a 4 and 1/2 hour drive to St. Louis Missouri where I had to catch a flight to Monterrey at 5.45am. I think I got to the airport at like 2 or 3. Needless to say I didn’t get much rest Thursday/Friday.

It was another disappointing week for singles. I lost first round of qualies to someone I should have beaten, however, she was a little older and more wise than I and I think that that definitely gave her the winning edge.

Time for the good news! Firstly, I am staying in housing here and the family is amazing. There are seven kids from 5 to 15 years old. 5 girls and 2 boys. I feel like all of them are my new family. They have welcomed me into their family with open arms and have made me feel at home. I think the kids just like me because I have an iphone! No just kidding…

Second bit of good news is that I was dumped by my original doubles partner and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Eventually Audra Cohen—2007 NCAA singles champ—and I got paired up and we are playing doubles together. Monday we played our first round match against two Mexicans on center court and beat the 6-1, 6-4. About half the crowd was cheering for us though!

Turns out that Natasha does know what she is doing. Who would have thought that I would get into a 100k tournament where half of the girls that are playing here are going to play in the US Open as well! Even though I did not have a great singles week, this is still and invaluable experience getting to meet and hit with some of the top 200 players.

Anyway I am in the quarters of doubles and I play today… so please send all of your best wishes Audra and I need them! Until next time…

p.s. the new rankings came out and I am 667 in singles oh yea!!!! I will keep you posted on the new doubles ranking after this week.

First Pro Title!!!!

2008-07-28T21:39:00.002-04:00

This is an update that I did not think I was going to be able to make for a while… but I am so happy that I am able to share my first pro win with everyone!

My last post was about my win against Bardina who was ranked as high as 48 in the world. Bardina was a great warm up for my next match. I played a girl named Tori Kinard. She had a similar game style as Bardina, but she was not quite as good.

My quarterfinal match against 15 year old Nicole Gibbs was by far my hardest match in the whole tournament. It was 3 hours of nothing but running! Within the first 25 minutes of the match I was down 0-4. I thought she was going to beat me 6-0, 6-1, however, at 0-4 something changed. She stopped painting the lines and my experience started to kick in and I could see that light. In the end I won the match 3-6, 7-6(5), 6-3.

Elizabeth Lumpkin was my next opponent. I am pretty sure that the last time we played she beat me so I was a little nervous. However, I came out of the blocks on fire. I got up to 4-0 playing flawless tennis. All of my great playing came to a screeching halt when it felt like some time came and took all of my energy away. My biggest strength—my movement—became my biggest weakness. My legs felt weak and I was having trouble taking just a few steps to get to a ball. I had to call upon some of Kevin’s best coaching tips. He used to always tell us about Martina Navratilova playing one on one basketball. He said she wanted to die in the first 5 minutes, but she kept playing for hours breaking through the barriers, proving to herself that she could fight through the fatigue… That is exactly what I had to do to win that match! I just had to keep telling myself that I was not tired and it worked. I won that match 6-2, 6-3. Turns out Kevin might know what he’s talking about!

Final match was against a girl named Emily Webley-Smith. She made it the second round of Wimbledon in 2004. Needless to say she is very good. She had played all three set matches to reach the final and I think all the tennis was beginning to take a toll on both of us. Anyways, we were the only two left in Evansville so we warmed up together before the match! The match was pretty routine… I ran around like a chicken with out a head and just dug balls out. It could have been a much easier match, however she was a very smart player. She read me very well. She could tell when I was more tired or nervous and she really capitalized on that and elevated the level of her game. It was a fun match to play, but of course I am very pleased that I won! Shortly after the match Emily and I hopped into a rent-a-car and drove 7 hours to Saint Joseph, Missouri where both of us are playing a 10,000. For those of you who thought the ride would be awkward you are wrong. Not only is Emily a great player, to quote she is also “a lovely girl.” We talked, sang, and laughed the whole seven hours. This just speaks to what an amazing experience this is.

Anyhow we arrived in Saint Joseph at around 9.30pm last night. And I was so delighted to be reunited with my two roommates from Evansville—Lauren Lui- sophomore at Northwestern and the coolest girl I know even though she beat Kat and I this year in doubs and Kristin Messmer-07 Ohio State Grad. We call ourselves the 3 stooges! All we do is laugh and giggle all day. They keep me sane while I am out here.

Back to tennis… I got a wild card into the main draw of singles in St. Joseph so I don’t play until Wednesday. I play doubles tomorrow with Zuzana Zemenova the one time NCAA singles champ, two time runner up and recent Baylor grad. Hopefully we mesh well and I can get a little better luck in doubles. Wish me luck I need it! Until next time….

Another exciting update

2008-07-23T22:26:00.004-04:00

Hi everyone! Had another break through today. I am still in Evansville and qualified for the 10k and once again drew a very interesting draw in the main draw.

There is always one girl at the tournaments who struts around and think she is better than everyone else. Well for the girl that I played today--Vasilisa Bardina--she is actually better than the rest. If you google her you will find out exactly what I am talking about! She has been ranked as high as 48 but got injured. Hard to explain but she has a frozen ranking of 70 on the wta tour. All this to say I beat her 6-3, 6-4 today!!!! So that means I am indirectly 70 in the world:) haha.

Again I cant get too excited I have another match to play tomorrow. Will let you know how the rest of the tournament goes!

Back to Work!

2008-07-19T23:01:00.003-04:00

Hello all after too weeks of family, friends, fun oh and practice I am back to work! I am writing from Evansville, Indiana where tomorrow I start playing in a 10k tournament.

I looked at the draw today and some how my name was at the top of the draw... It has been a while since I have been seeded 1. Because of all the hard playing that I did in the prior tournaments I managed to get myself a ranking of 764. I am very pleased about this for 2 reasons. Firstly because this is the first tangible piece of evidence of progress. Secondly, this ranking puts me in a position to get into more tournaments.

Have been up since 330 am so I am off to bed. As many of you know I prefer to be the under dog so I sign off tonight dreaming that instead of being the one seed I am playing the one seed! At the end of the week I will let you know how well my dreams helped.

Back in the States!!!

2008-07-06T12:35:00.003-04:00

I lost on Friday in the quarterfinals to a girl named Alexandra Mueller--who is playing in the finals today...:) I lost 7-5, 6-0. Mind you the scores are not always indicative of the match (second set in particular)! This was by far the best match that I have played in a long time. Definitely the best that I have played since I have been out on the "tour". I am very pleased that I am starting to see a little bit of progress.

Right now I am supposed to be in Bogota, Columbia, but because I did so well in Canada I couldn't make it. So I am here--Virginia/Maryland--practicing until who knows when. It is hard to schedule things especially since right now I still do not have a ranking yet. Everything is done so last minute depending on what tournaments I can get into. But you all will be the first to know where I am going next!

Until next time...!

Hello from Canada Again

2008-07-02T21:30:00.003-04:00

Was not planning on writing more than one blog per tournament, but when something spectacular happens I feel I must share it with all of you!

All that luck that everyone wished me paid off. I won my match today. I bet Japanese player Tomoko Yonemura 6-3, 6-7(3), 6-4!!!!!! Her ranking is 240! First top 300 win hopefully many more to come. Don't want to get too excited I still have another very important match tomorrow and I have to keep my eye on the prize.

Again was not as lucky in doubles today. My partner Subi Sundarum and I lost to the number 4 seeds 7-6(3), 6-1. Who would have thought I would be doing better in singles!

Have to get some rest. I will keep you guys posted on how the rest of the tournaments goes!

From Hilton Head to Waterloo Canada

2008-07-01T10:55:00.004-04:00

So far my travels have taken me to quite a few destinations. Four to be exact!

As some of you may know shortly after NCAAs I began my professional career at a $10,000 tournament in Hilton Head South Carolina. Naturally because I started off from scratch and at that point I did not have a pro ranking I need to play the qualifying of the tournament. The qualifying was a draw of 128 people and only 8 qualified to the main draw (the main draw then starts at a draw of 32!) Some how I manage to qualify beating one of the seeds and entered the main draw only to draw the number 2 seed whom I had lost to pretty badly in January. I think both Natasha and Kevin were placing bets to see if I was going to win. And I did!!! It was a mental victory more than anything else because I did not play my best tennis. This girl was ranked around 360 in the world so that was something to be excited about as well.

I won two more matches in the main draw and lost in the semifinals of both singles and doubles. I played my semi finals match in Hilton Head on Saturday morning. Went to the hotel packed my things and drove 3 hours to Atlanta to catch a flight to El Paso Texas. I did not get into the hotel until 12am and I had to play qualifying match of a $25,000 that same morning!

I felt great, but I think that all the travel and the playing had taken a toll on me even though I was not aware of it yet. I qualified for this tournament (I had to play 3 matches to qualify) and drew and other seed! This time however I did not play as well and the girl that I played really stepped up to the plate and beat me pretty badly. I had to play a main draw doubles match the same day and again we were not so lucky:(

After 11 straight days and 15 matches under my belt I was ready and happy to return to Williamsburg for a week! This was a week of rest and lots and lots of practice. Being out here for even this short amount of time made me realize that I have a lot of improving to do if I want to achieve my goals.

Enough about practice that is the boring stuff! With my new and improved forehand I was off to Wichita Kansas. This tournament I lost in the last round of qualifying and the first round of main draw doubles. While I did not do well in terms of results this was the most eye opening week that I have had thus far.

Firstly, one of the tournament directors was 1/2 of the number 1 doubles team in the world in quad wheelchair tennis and number 3 in singles. And I was lucky enough to get to see him play! To think that I ever had anything to complain. He had a huge smile on his face all week. If he can do that I am sure all of us can. Secondly I got some great advice from a tennis legend--Lori McNeil. She taught me a lot in a very short period of time and for that I am grateful.

Now I am in Waterloo Canada playing a $25,000 tournament. I qualified and play my first round of main draw tomorrow against yet again the number 2 seed from Japan! I am pumped and ready to get her!

Until next week when I post something else. For those of you who would like to check up on me through out the week the website: http://www.itftennis.com/womens/. On the left hand side there should be three lists of tournaments: current, results and upcoming. Draws will be listen under current and I will keep you informed as to where I am going to be!

I am signing off and getting ready for a battle tomorrow. Wish me luck!